Once again, I find disappointment. Once again, I find no satisfaction. Once again, I find that the trouble with such disorganized deadheads is that they intend to create a climate in which it will be assumed that our achievements reflect not individual worth, talent, or skill, but special consideration. I would like to start by discussing Gov. George W Bush’s teachings, mainly because they scare me. The thing I’m the most frightened about is that Gov. Bush has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to rescue materialism from the rubbish heap of history, dust it off, slap on a coat of cheap sophistry, and market it as new and improved. On all of these occasions, I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that we must give direction to a universal human development of culture, ethics, and morality. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to draw an accurate portrait of his ideological alignment.
Not to be rude or anything, but there are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent he has tried to equip incorrigible loons with flame throwers, hand grenades, and heat-seeking missiles. The other is whether or not the main dissensus between me and Gov. Bush is that I think that Gov. Bush is a paragon of evil at its most wicked. He, on the other hand, contends that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. It’s not necessary to go into too long of a description about how he plans to goad silly porn stars into hurling epithets at his enemies within a short period of time. Suffice it to say that he presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically-motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. Gov. Bush is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors what I call insufferable dorks. And here we have the ultimate irony, because Gov. Bush wants nothing less than to make my blood curdle, hence his repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of his self-righteous epigrams. On the other hand, you might say, “I, not being one of the many nasty anarchists of this world, am concerned that his vague and overly broad definition of “hydrometallurgically” will cause horny mystics to fragment the nation into politically disharmonious units sooner or later.” Fine, I agree. But he can fool some of the people all of the time. He can fool all of the people some of the time. But Gov. Bush can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Oh, and one more thing. His practices are designed to step on other people’s toes. And they’re working; they’re having the desired effect.
At first, you might be unsure as to whether Gov. Bush is at least partially right in that what was morally wrong five years ago is just as wrong today. But on deeper inspection, you’ll indeed conclude that he shouldn’t pollute the great canon of English literature with references to his pestilential propositions. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions take us over the edge of the abyss of sesquipedalianism. He can’t possibly believe that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. He’s stupid, but he’s not that stupid. Gov. Bush’s litanies may not be traditional for all catty Philistines, but when I first became aware of Gov. Bush’s covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how Gov. Bush’s machinations are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of “tradition.” Funny, that was the same term that his cronies once used to inflict untold misery, suffering, and distress. To be honest, every time Gov. Bush tells his lackeys that parasitism is a noble goal, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question.
Yes, you heard me right; he might humiliate, subjugate, and eventually, eliminate everyone who wants to prevent the production of a new crop of unpatriotic braggarts some day. What are we to do then? Place blinders over our eyes and hope we don’t see the horrible outcome? Gov. Bush’s arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial. “Gov. Bush” has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone contravene decency, I tell him or her to stop “Gov. Bush-ing”. His henchmen are unified under a common goal. That goal is to increase society’s cycle of hostility and violence.
If we let Gov. Bush impose a “glass ceiling” that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs, then greed, corruption, and cynicism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock and trade of the media and educational institutions.
If he had done his homework, he’d know that certain facts are clear. For instance, I don’t trust domineering twisted hermits. We can therefore extrapolate that as that last sentence suggests, it has been said that his simple-minded assistants seem to think they can escape the consequences of their actions. I, in turn, insist that I would never take a job working for him. Given his smarmy editorials, who would want to? It is quite true, of course, that Gov. Bush’s grandiose promises of plenty for each have yielded grinding poverty for all. But after hearing about Gov. Bush’s deplorable attempts to perpetuate inaccurate and dangerous beliefs about male-female relationships, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. Incidentally, I want to find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. I want to do this not because I need to tack another line onto my résumé, but because it’s easy enough to hate Gov. Bush any day of the week on general principles. But now I’ll tell you about some very specific things that Gov. Bush is up to, things that ought to make a real Gov. Bush-hater out of you. First off, the most headlong manifestation of spiteful sentiment among cranky bureaucrats has been the way they relabel millions of people as “deluded”. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. Following Gov. Bush’s words left to right and down a page is like following fingernails on a chalkboard. That fact may not be pleasant, but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter.
Gov. Bush’s philosophies are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. Under these conditions, no matter what else we do, our first move must be to alert everyone that we need to stand up for our rights. That’s the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most narrow-minded manifestations. This state of affairs demands the direct assault on those unsympathetic remonstrations that seek to traduce and discredit everyone but nugatory ogres. Whereas Gov. Bush claims that the purpose of life is self-gratification, I claim that he doesn’t care about freedom, as he can neither eat it nor put it in the bank. It’s just a word to him. Having said that, let me add that his sophistries will have consequences – very serious consequences. And we ought to begin doing something about that.
Do you really want Gov. Bush to encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance? I think not. I like to think I’m a reasonable person, but you just can’t reason with obdurate big-labor bosses. It’s been tried. They don’t understand, they can’t understand, they don’t want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to trick academics into abandoning the principles of scientific inquiry.
In order to solve the big problems with him, we must first understand these problems, and to understand them, we must embark on a new path towards change. When Gov. Bush looks in the mirror in the morning, does he see more than the same, virulent face that all licentious carpetbaggers share? In contrast, I have a New Year’s resolution for him: He should pick up a book before he jumps to the crude conclusion that everyone and everything discriminates against him – including the writing on the bathroom stalls. This is not to say that in my speaking engagements, I have found in audience questions an alarming increase in concern about bloody-minded devil-worshippers. It is merely to point out that it doesn’t do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the evils of his positions in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us and join forces with us, then we must educate the public on a range of issues.
Plainly stated, given a choice of having Gov. Bush manipulate public understanding of Dadaism or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. While I don’t question his motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of Gov. Bush’s helpers, the central paradox of Gov. Bush’s catch-phrases, the twist that makes Gov. Bush’s slurs so irresistible to huffy vile converts to jujuism, is that these people truly believe that Gov. Bush defends the real needs of the working class. The cry of “bigot” is raised mostly by bigots. That is why, come what may, we must enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms.
I generated this posting with Scott Pakin’s automatic complaint-letter generator, at http://www-csag.cs.uiuc.edu/individual/pakin/complaint. It struck me as being particularly insightful as well as absolutely hilarious, so I simply had to share it. I hope nobody minds!