…In a loud sneeze contest.
What can your dad (or other relative) beat mine at?
Yeah, really, really mundane and pointless but it might be fun.
Loud nose blowing. Honestly, there’ve been times I thought he was warming up his trumpet or something.
Oh, and he also knows five different ways to kill you with a toothbrush. Not that he’d bother; he says weapons are inconvenient to carry around and seldom add much functionality. . .
:rolleyes:
:eek:
Snoring. For the last thirty years my mom has had to be the first asleep, or not get to sleep. The best was when he was at a mens retreat camp and went to bed before the other guys that were in the cabin. They were afraid to approach the cabin because they thought there must be a bear inside.
Dad has passed, but he did the loud sneezing thing too. I didn’t mind that nearly as much as when he worked words into his sneeze, like asshole and bullshit. He thought he was very clever.
My Dad could beat up almost anybody’s Dad at nitpicking.
Oh, I’ll take that bet. My dad never does his “sorry 'bout your shirt there” sneezes once, either. At least three times.
My dad can beat your dad in a “battle of the drummers” contest.
Well, I might have to concede to you. While his sneezes could easily be heard outside the house with the doors and windows closed, at least he would limit them to one or two at a time.
My dad could beat your dad at pool when really, really drunk.
I’m not sure if he could do it sober. Not sure if he’s ever played pool sober.
My dad can beat your dad at wretch-inducing farts. Seriously.
My dad can beat your dad in divorcing my mother when i was five and never speaking to either of his kids again.
My dad can clean the clock of every other Doper’s dad at tennis. He’s really very good.
Plus he’s wise, and smart, and loving, and kind, and… well, you didn’t ask about that. 
My dad can beat your dad at altitude acclimation. Despite spending his whole life within a few hundred feet above sea level, and being in generally poor health in many other ways, when he comes out to visit he can hike 8000 foot mountains without a problem.
ZipperJJ stole mine, therefore my dad challenges her dad to Drunken Pool. He’s made the APA nationals a couple of times, with the help of his teammates Bottle of Mich and Nine More Bottles of Mich.
He’s also second to none at derailing conversations. Just try to stay on topic after he’s had a few, I dare you.
Crap, Roland - you’ve smashed my illusions about my dad and his kickass skill!
Perhaps my dad can out-annoy your dad with talking drivel while they play pool super drunk.
My dad can (probably) beat your dad at knife-sharpening. Dad was a meatcutter, and when he got really serious, we wound up with sharp knives. The best part was him flicking the knife against the long whetstone as the finishing touch. He’d hold the whetstone in his left hand, and the knife in his right, and the knife would just be a blur as it whispered across the stone. That’s one of the very few things I’ve ever seen Dad show off about.
My dad could beat your dad at just about any art medium.
Except that he can also beat him at being deceased.
My Dad beat your dad at flying the first operational Super-sonic Jet Fighters. Top of his class.
When he was still alive, my father could beat anyone at serial sneezing; when he sneezed, it was like the machine gun of sneezing-----nine to ten sneezes without stopping. Used to scare the hell out of everyone when he took a sneezing fit while driving.
And he was a gold medalist at snoring.
He was also a rotten bastard.
My dad could beat your dad at being a religious nutbar.
Unless your dad tried to be a priest after his first divorce and first three kids, married and divorced an ex-nun, tried to be a monk, told his mother she was going to hell for cheating on his (30+ years dead) father, started dating his third wife while acting as god-father to her current husband during his conversion, and told your sister that her baby was going to hell because it wasn’t baptized Catholic…
Then your dad could never beat my dad.