When I was young my dad had his standard repertoire of bad one-liners that he would roll out when the situation dictated.
Some may have found them amusing wittisims, but to me and my sister they were so oft repeated that we just groaned, rolled our eyes and/or tried to pretend we did not know Dad.
When ever we were travelling or waiting for something we always got this one “Like the monkey said when she backed her tail into the fan - it won’t be long now”
I would of course not perpetuate this rot with my children and I don’t. You will never hear me utter any of my father’s bad jokes - I have my own unique set of jokes and remarks to make my children groan or hide in embarrassment.
When ever one of my progeny whines “I’m bored/hungry/thirsty etc…” I offer a hearty handshake and greet them “Nice to meet you bored, I’m Dad”.
I get them groaning and rolling their eyes at me, what really gets me is that they actually laugh at Grandpa’s bad one liners.
What bad one-liners/jokes run in the family? Do you repeat your parents material or do you subject your kids to your own unique brand of “humor”
Every time Dad’s asked what he wants to drink with dinner, he say what he wants (glass of wine, a coke, whatever), and add “water’s for washing!” If someone offers him some water, he’ll say he wants a ________, not a bath.
My parents can set their land line phone to have distinct ringtones. The only person who has one is me, their only daughter, and it’s just set to a random trilling of beeps. Whenever I call and dad answers, he always loudly intones, “Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!” Like Santa, every single time. Yup, that never leaves you at a loss for a response.
The one my dad used to do to me all the time when I was growing up (I think I’ve trained him out of it now that I’m old enough to speak the way I like) is:
Me: Can I (do whatever)?
Him: I don’t know–can you?
Of course, saying ‘Yes, of course I can!’ wasn’t the proper response. We locked horns over that pretty much forever, because even as a young kid I thought saying “May I (do whatever)” sounded ridiculously old-fashioned and prissy. To placate him, I started to say things like, “Is it okay if I (do whatever)?” which seemed to work.
He also used to order his eggs “over difficult” at restaurants (for all I know, he still does!). It was years before I realized that wasn’t an actual proper way to order eggs.
My dad also whipped out the “This is the world’s smallest violin playing My Heart Bleeds For You” whenever I would whine and complain. That went WAY over my head for the longest time (even though it seems pretty obvious, as a young kid I totally didn’t get it).
I’m convinced that the only reason my father taught me to say “excuse me” after belching was so that he could respond with “There’s no excuse for you.”
Whenever any of us kids would ask Dad, “How about we do something fun?”, he’d reply with, “How about let’s don’t and say we did?” Quite infuriating, he said it so often.
