What silly little things would your parents say to you?
Here are some of things my father would (and still does) say:
“Did your mother have any kids that lived?”
“You’re a good egg in the long run, but who likes long, runny, eggs?”
“You could be replaced by a human”
“Don’t bite the bedbugs”
I’m sure that some of those aren’t his originally, but they still stick in my head.
“If you smile, your face might crack.”
It was pretty much impossible not to break out laughing at that one. 
Jeg elsker dig, Thomas
My dad had SOOOO many.
This was his favorite. You be sitting innocently with him and all of a sudden he’d slap your thigh really hard and squeeze and say "THAT’S HOW A HORSE BITES!"
He’d always reply to any “I’m hungry!” or “I’m Thirsty!” request with “I’m Bobby.”
And his reply for a whiny kids “Leave me alone!” with “How much do you want? $50? $100?” which comes from Firesign Theatre.
I love it when my mom leaves a message on my machine…" this is mom."
no way! I would never have recognized that voice!
I ask how my dad is doing and he usually replies, “I’m better than an old, dead frog.” This is usually said at his office.
My mom likes to use the lines, “I’m off like a dirty shirt!” and “Let’s plow(sp?)!” from the movie “Pretty in Pink”.
Mostly my parents use facial expressions. These are not always funny, but are usually something to think of as silly. Sometimes they do make me crack a smile.
I can’t think of anymore, but some might crop up. Who knows. I talk to them everyday, so I should hear something silly.
“Put something on your feet - you’ll catch your death of cold!”
Message?
You might die. I’m six and I need to consider mortality?
Colds are caused by having cold feet. It’s just not true. There’s a virus, y’see mum and dad…
Bare feet = cold feet = death. To this day I still tend to leave my socks on when I get naked. Over the years, many lovers have snickered at this, often at moments which were intended to be snicker-free.
And as for “you’ll be sorry when we’re dead…” Well, I am but not in the way they wanted.
Little Orphan Redboss
My mother, bless her cotton socks, has many delightful actions. Not sayings, as she’s profoundly deaf, but she’s has been known to do the following things. Usually while I have company:
Put knickers on her head and run around the house screeching.
Do a seagull impression. This consists of sticking her arms out, sticking out her tongue and making it pointy and screeching loudly, all while strutting around bobbing her head.
Sing. A person who’s never heard music singing is… well, it’s amusing. The usual song is “Somewheeeeeeere ooooooover the raaaiiiiinbow”.
Pull her trousers right up so they’re just underneath her boobs, adopt a comical walk and lope around.
Declare to everyone in the vicinity “That’s my daughter! Not yours! Mine!”
Stop dead in her tracks and randomly hold her right leg in front of her for a few seconds. For no reason.
I hated her when I was a teenager.
[sub]But I kinda love her now[/sub]
Fran
darianDAD-[sub]while looking somewhere other than at me[/sub]Son, you jerk off and you’ll go blind!
darian00-uhm, dad, I’m over here…
darianDAD-boy, I brought you in this world, I’ll take you out.
darian00-Yeah, but you can’t make another one 'cause mom got her tubes tied!
[sub]I don’t remember anything after that[/sub]
My dad has a habit of saying things are “spread around like a madwoman’s shit” whenever he’d come across some serious disorganization.
Scary part is that he has no idea where he got it from.
My dad has a couple:
When someone is being kind of dimwitted, spacey or flakey he calls them “drifty.”
If someone is hardheaded or stubborn, he tells them they “have a head like a bent shit-can lid.”
Whenever someone says something foolish, they are “talking like a boy (or girl) with a paper asshole.”
I’ve never heard anyone except my dad use these expressions.
My mother told me that if I unbuttoned my bellybutton, my butt would fall off.
She also told me (in an effort to keep me quiet) that we only had so many words stored up inside of us. And if I talked too much, I’d use them all up by the time I was a grownup & wouldn’t be able to talk. [sub]It didn’t work, Mom.[/sub]
This is a bit off-topic, but the above quote reminds me of several people I know who leave me messages on ICQ and Yahoo Messenger (which store messages if the recipient is offline) saying, “Hi. Are you online now?”
Back to the OP, when we came home from shopping or wherever, my parents would say “Home again, home again, jiggity jog”. Sounded naff to me at the time, but the other day I caught myself saying it to my stepson!
My Dad’s a goldmine of them. I think he’s working very hard on becoming a Colorful Old Man ™.
Favorites include:
To describe something torn up, as in a lot under construction: “…more broke up than a bag of assholes…”
Meaning “yes”: “Do chickens have lips?”
More as I remember them.
<taking notes in an effort to one day be the coolest dad ever>
My dad has a few… Here’s one that I understand:
Going somewhere as a family, as we pull out of the driveway: “And we’re off like a herd of turtles.”
He’s kind of quiet, and the rest of his sayings are in Italian and he won’t tell me what they mean, nor will I even try to write them out here.
And then there’s my mother’s favorite curse… and pardon my language:
“Piddle-shit.”
Yeah… I always thought that was kinda silly. 
" the maid is dead "
always made me laugh as I started using the Mammoth Can of Endust…
My mother does the same thing on my answering machine:
“Hello. This is your mother…”
Really? I never would have known.
Whenever I got into trouble as a kid, my father would look at my mother and say, “That’s your son, not mine.”
If anyone said “I’m thirsty”, he’d say, “You can’t be thirsty. Today is Monday.”
And my favorite from my father, stressing the importance of brushing after my meals: “Be true to your teeth, or they’ll be false to you.”
my father-in-law is the master:
to someone taking their time: c’mon along Butterfly Mcqueen
to someone upset or hyper: jumping around like a scalded baboon.
to someone walking around aimlessly: like an ant on a stick, you are.
my most favorites are the renditions he uses to wake people up.
to my joy, my husband has picked these up:
(to the tune of planet of the apes)
up
up(growing louder)
up(louder still)
upup
up up up up up (completely obnoxious)
giddy up giddy up
giddy up up up…
(all sooooooooo obnoxious when you’re half asleep)
to further my joy, ANY song can be coverted to a wake up song.
When my mom would be unloading the grocery bags and catch me eyeing the newly purchased cookies, snacks, etc., she’d say "They’re not for eating."
So, what, we’re going to decorate the lawn with them?
I grew up with nearly the same thing, except it was “Home again, home again, riggety jig.” Where the heck is that from?
My parents are the greatest in the world. Let’s start with Mom.
“Go to bed I’m sleepy” This was her answer to my sister and I fighting nap time.
“That boy is so ugly he makes me want to flush” This was her only comment on my first husband.
Dad’s classics were more along the lines of,
“Are we supposed to forgive Hitler or Manson?” This said after I beg him to get over the fact that once I burned a hole in the kitchen tile with a hot skillet…I was 2. He thought it was such a great answer he uses it all the time now.
“I’ll pay for the divorce” This is what he’s told my sister and I after every wedding
And my sister had a great one that I just have to slip in here, when talking to me as a kid she always told me, “I was an accident but you were a mistake.”
My whole family was crazy though. My Dad is the type to dance around the house singing at the top of his lungs and smacking you in the head with a paper towel. He thinks nothing is funnier than to scare you when you come out of the bathroom, then he says “Need to go back and wipe again?” My Mom got tired of my sister and I being obnoxious and pestering her because we were taller than her so she took us both out in the backyard and kicked our asses. To this day she tells us “Let’s take it outside and I’ll show you pain” She can do it too!
GravMom used to say the funniest thing ever! giggles
Sister and Brother are fighting loudly. I am reading quietly, though annoyed at them (I am six years older.)
Mom yells up the stairs: “Stop fighting!”
Sister and Brother look at each other for a moment, and an evil grin spreads from one face to the other. They begin fighing, hamming it up like only an 11 and 12 year olds can do. I, knowing what they are doing, lean forward eagerly in my chair, straining to hear Mom…waiting for it.
Mom yells again: “Don’t make me come up there and lick your ass!”
We all disolve in giggles. Fall to the floor laughing. Poke each other, muttering ‘lick your ass!’ Laughing so hard that our sides ached for days. Good old mom.
My grandma used to say “that fool hasn’t got enough sense to suck alum and drool.” and “You’re not made of gooseturds, you won’t melt!” when we didn’t want to play in the rain.