This is the flip side of a thread I posted years ago. Maybe you remember things like these.
I’m going to town to smoke my pipe
And I won’t be back 'til broad daylight.
So don’t let the old witch in
Or I’ll beat you black and blue
With my old rubber shoe!
or
Poor little fly upon the wall
He ain’t got no comb at all.
But he don’t care.
He ain’t got no hair.
Poor little fly ain’t got no mama.
Poor little fly ain’t got no papa.
Poor little fly ain’t got no home.
Squash.
Now him gone too.
Not quite like that, but the old’s version of ‘mind your own bloody business’, when asked ‘Where are you going??’ was always Going to See a Man About a Dog.
Or the other favourite retort to, ‘What’s THAT??, was ‘It’s a Wigwam for a Gooses’ Bridle’.
Not really funny, and as I got a wee bit older, fucking annoying really. Like, “I’m FIVE now mummy, and we still haven’t got a dog, what’s the deal???”
Or have I missed the point of the thread entirely?
De Spring iz sprung, de grass iz rizz.
I wondah where dem boidies iz.
De liddle boids iz on de wing.
Ain’t dat absurd (absoid)? De liddle wings iz on de boid!
My mom told me a bedtime story about a louse (!) that ate everything: 14 sandwiches, his best friend (!!), a horse, a cow, a dog, a barn, and then drank the ocean to wash it all down. The last drop of the ocean was too much and his tummy burst and everything came out all at once, backwards, alive.
It’s still one of my favorite stories.
She also told me this poem when I was clamoring for too many stories at night:
Once upon a time there was a prince and princess,
Both of them died, end of the story.
My grandpa from the South used to point his finger and say, “Look at that piece of meat hanging off that nail!”
Does anybody get it?
He also used to say, “It’s ten o’clock! Time for all decent people to be in the bed and the rogues to have their sacks a’travelin’!”
My grandpa used to say, “Don’t point that thing at me—it’s got a nail in it!”
Also (when we were leaving again at the end of a visit) “Come back again some time when you can’t stay so long!”
Also: “How are you?”
“Fine.”
“That’s what the judge said—Fine: ten dollars!”
Also (continuing the Longfellow theme of the thread): Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village smithy stands.
The muscles in his scrawny arms
Are strong as rubber bands.
My father didn’t give a lot of advice, but I do remember him saying:
You will get hemorrhoids if you sit on cold concrete. I don’t know how he arrived at this.
When talking about her young daughter forgetting things, the neighbor would say:
She would forget her head if it wasn’t fastened on.
To the tune of “Reville.” My mother did the last line as “Don’t you know that it hurts”
Another one of Mom’s favorites. She also used to love telling me the “Rectum, hell. It killed him!” joke.
Not my parents, and not from my childhood, but I have to comment:
David Niven once said that (British actor) Terry Thomas “looks like he can eat an apple through a tennis racket.” First time I heard this I laughed so hard I nearly soiled my armor.
.
My mother used to sing a song I can only remember part of:
*
Oh we bathed his head with glue
Just to see what it would do.
But 'twas then we seen
Our efforts was in vain.
Like a dream he passed away
On the 41st of May
And we never saw our blue-haired boy again.*
At dinner, my mother would ask “Do you wanna roll?” If you replied yes, she’d say, “Then get down on the floor and start.”
After dinner, my dad would ask, “Are you done eating?” If you replied yes, he’d say, “Then knock your teeth out.”
Yes, dinner at our house was a barrel of laughs. :dubious:
See Prettydorky’s thread.