My dog tried to murder me tonight.

After spending the holidays with my dad in NW IN, the dog and I embarked on our two day trip back to Maine today. I decided to spend the night outside of Buffalo, NY which is roughly the halfway point and about an 8 hour drive from my dad’s house. The dog is not the best of travelers - he gets all wound up and jumps from the back to the front to the back to the front to the back to the front only stopping to periodically paw at my right arm and say “Pet me, pet me, pet me, PET ME NOW!” (FYI, he weighs roughly 50 pounds.) Having only just managed to hang on to a single thread of sanity on the trip out, we went to the vet to get some doggie downers for the return trip. Unfortunately, they were less than effective. We also ran into a lake effect blizzard outside of Erie, PA, just after dark which had traffic down to 10 mph on the interstate. It was a virtual whiteout and added about an hour and a half to the trip which, of course, coincided with the drugs completely wearing off and the incessant seat relocation resuming in earnest. (I know I should get one of those fence thingies to keep him in the back but then I’d have to listen to him howl for 8 hours. He’s part beagle and it’s even more annoying than the jumping.)

So we finally get to the hotel, checked in, our pizza ordered and then go for a walk. Keep in mind, this is Buffalo, NY and a) it’s damn cold out and b) there’s about a foot of old snow on the ground. So, in what I believe was revenge for trapping him in a car all day, he nefariously maneuvered me onto a patch of ice in the parking lot which was cleverly hidden under a light dusting of snow. His leash is long enough so that he could still reach the parkway where they allow guests to exercise their pets, while I remained standing on the asphalt rather than in the foot of snow on the grass. He then lulled me into complacency by beginning his “I’m going to poop now” dance which involves turning around and around in a circle before producing the awaited doggy byproduct. Unfortunately for me, an unsuspecting bunny chose that inopportune moment to pop out of some nearby bushes. Did I mention my dog is part beagle? So he, of course, does what beagles are bred to do and took off at full speed after the rabbit. Unfortunately, I was perfectly positioned on the ice that when my feet went out from under me, both knees slammed into the black top, my elbows into curb and my face into the sidewalk. He then dragged me for about 5 feet (did I mention it was icy?) almost dislocating my shoulder and scraping the side of my face to hell and back. After lying there for about 5 minutes crying (it hurt!) with the dog alternating between looking at me quizzically and going “Get up, get up!! There’s a rabbit!!” I finally managed to drag myself to my feet and back to my room. I had just taken off my coat and boots and was about to assess the damage (knees torn out of my leggings with blood oozing through and a scraped, bleeding cheek) when there’s a knock at the door. It is, of course, the pizza delivery guy arriving at the most inconvenient moment possible. When my dog isn’t trying to kill me, he’s uber-protective so I can only open the door just wide enough to pay the guy and get the pizza. The poor high school kid takes one look at me and turns sheet white and whispers, “Do you want me to call the police?” like I was being abducted, beaten and held prisoner. I explained to him that I was fine and that my dog had done this to me but he was skeptical so I had to open the door and show him that I was alone with the exception of the aforesaid evil, murderous canine. (Who looks perfectly harmless, nay, adorable in fact, to the unsuspecting observer.)

So now I’m lying in bed at the Red Roof Inn (“Homicidal pets stay free!”) with both knees and the side of my face iced hoping that I’m able to move enough tomorrow to drive 9 more hours with the hell hound, who will be having his doggie downer dosage doubled for the second half off the trip…

So how was your day?

All my cat ever used to do was sleep on the top step of the basement stairs (black cat sleeping in the dark - squish!Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.) Bad dog! Bad trying to kill your owner!

Ow! I bet you’re extra surly tonight!

Bad dog! No treats!

In your dog’s defense, it does not appear that he had nefarious intentions on anyone but the rabbit and you, unfortunately were in the wrong place (the end of his leash in an icy area) at the wrong time (rabbit time). Had he actually managed to kill you the most he could be charged with would maybe be negligent homicide or manslaughter, certainly not murder. And for my first witness, I would like to call the rabbit to the stand.

On another note, good on the pizza dude! I’ve been spending way too much time reading crime stories, and if more people did that it’d be awesome.

pretty amusing story. Hope u get better and not have evil feelings towards your “dumb” dog.

Good luck with that - rabbits are notoriously shaky witnesses.

(My dog tried to negligent homicide me isn’t quite as catchy of a thread title… :p)

Oh no! That sounds awful. It’s hilarious to read, mind you, but ouch. Good luck getting home tomorrow.

And I want to see pictures of the dog! Isn’t there a rule about that somewhere? Or does it only apply to cats?

Here is the beast in question. You can clearly see him plotting…

Well, I ran into a whiteout blizzard outside Albany so decided to call it day. Luckily, my boss is very understanding. I guess she’d rather have me late than dead…

damn after seeing that pic, i think you need to give him away, he really is plotting your demise, lol.

And the dog wins by a hare! :slight_smile:

Seriously, I hope you’re better soon.

After my dachshund Boris (may he RIP) sat on the gas pedal while we were cruising down the interstate, I don’t let any of my doggies ride unrestrained anymore. Even though they don’t like riding in their crates, it’s much safer for me, and it’s safer for them if we are in an accident.

One day you will look back on this and laaaaaaugh! :slight_smile: Hope you feel better soon.

I walk 2 beagles every day. When it is cold and snowy ,they drop it into 4 paw drive and I have to fight them to keep control. They will go berserk at the sight of a squirrel or rabbit. I have been dragged down hills and across ponds. I have landed of my duff a few times. When they get on a scent trail I am not the boss.

Only four and change more hours of driving today. That is if I can drag myself to the car - every muscle in my body aches! (Especially after sleeping on another crap Red Roof Inn mattress.)

Of course, I could always just have the dog drag me…

Yeah, he’s definitely got that sneaky, plotting look going on.

I hope the bruises fade soon and that he gets back in your good graces.