My Effect on Professional Sports

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ll call it the "Law of sdimbert’s Negative Spectator Effect on Kansas City Athletic Endeavors."

You see, every time I watch a KC-team play a game, they suck, a lot, then lose.

It’s unavoidable - I began watching the Chiefs play when I moved here (along with Gunther Cunningham) two years ago. Now, he’s gone, but I’m still here (bad news for our new resident, Dick Vermeil). Do you realize that, in those two years, I’ve never seen the Chiefs win a football game?

I know they’ve beaten people - I heard about it, listened to the radio, read about it online and in print. But, I’ve never seen it. Can you imagine how many players would die if I actually attended a game at Arrowhead in person?

Last night proved that the LoSNSEoKCAE is larger than just football - it affects the Royals as well. Anyone see last night’s game? I tuned in somewhere around the 5th Inning, just in time to watch the Royals suck. Down 6-1 they played lousy baseball until I gave up (suspecting even then that this was somehow my doing) and surfed over to a re-run of The Simpsons (it was the “Kidz Newz” episode - the only real bright spot in the entire evening).

I switched back after Bart’s on-air hijinks ended to discover that the game was now in the top of the Ninth and I had missed seeing Beltran send a Percival fastall into the Right Field Pavilion for a game-tying home run. “Wow,” I thought, “These guys might actually win this game.”

The thought was my first mistake - continuing to watch was my second.

The Royals, of course, sucked. They failed to score in the top of the 9th and managed to squeak out of the bottom. Then they failed to score (again) in the Tenth before, in the bottom, Bengie Molina woke up and realized that a single run would win the game. So he obliged and everybody got to go home.

So, it had to be me - the Royals managed to climb back into the game while I was distracted, but, when I came back to watch the rest of the game, their rally ended in disaster.

:sigh: The LoSNSEoKCAE strikes again.

2

As long as you stay away from the New Orleans Saints, I (and they) will be happy.

3

I’ll give you a dollar if you watch New Orleans but stay away from Minnesota.

4

This situation is reminiscent of my own experiences when I watch England and Blackpool, which are the two football teams I support.

I resolve the matter by visiting the toilet facilities at my home, if the game features on television, or at the stadium if I am at a Blackpool game.

My recent lavatorial successes include scoring the equalising goal for England last Saturday, and levelling the scores for Blackpool in their promotion play-off fixture against Leyton Orient at Cardiff in May.

Strangely, the media never credit me with these goals, but I am such a guy who is content to remain out of any limelight which may follow these successes, and I am merely pleased that on both occasions my team goes on to win the game.

5

I tried out as a walk-on for the Washington Redskins.

Thankfully, a rebuilt knee and advanced age (26 at the time), and coach Joe Bugle kept me from even suiting up.

6

All right, Ino. You wanna play that way? Two dollars!

7

Oh, so it’s YOU that’s been watching the Bucs all these years. Gee, and I thought it was just ME that had this effect on teams I like…

O

Go away or I shall taunt you a SECOND TIME!