I just learned my sister has started a 60 day sentence for her second drunk driving conviction.
How did I learn? Her son called, and asked about how he could pay the mortgage, and utility bills. Though she’s known for some time (several weeks, according to my nephew) she would be serving this time, she made absolutely no provisions take care of routine stuff like bill paying. Fortunately for the kids, they’re both away at college (paid for entirely by her ex-husband, their dad).
She already faces bankruptcy because she can’t control her spending. According to her son, there’s less than a hundred bucks in her checking account.
So she’s likely to lose her house unless my sister and I pck up at least two months mortgage payments, and we know from bitter experience she WILL NOT PAY US BACK. She almost lost it a couple of years ago, until her ex-husband bailed her out – his kids were still in the house at that time.
Don’t enable her, boyo. Do what you need to do to care for your nephews/nieces, but do not bail her out.
Noone gets well without facing the consequences of their actions. Sadly, all too many don’t get well even after facing (or running from) said consequences.
Her only real chance is to face the consequences of her actions. While she is in jail, I would be trying to get information on getting her into a program.
Boyo Jim, I feel for your situation, and the contempt/disgust you feel (My bro-in-law is a former felon…) I just wanted to say that if you have $100 or less in you’re checking-account, it does NOT make you a loser! Some very productive members of society have equivalent amounts! Shit happens!
Boyo Jim, any chance that you could provide a home-away-from-college for loser sister’s kids? If so, why not advise them to come home on the weekend, pack up all of their belongings which are still in the house, and move them into your home? That way, their things are safe.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply her poverty is in itself one of her bad characteristics, but that she blows through it with no concern for the consequences. I posted some thread abou deaths in my family over the past couple of years, and my siblings and I have each inherited something in the neighborhood of 80K in that time, over and above our regular incomes. She’s gone through it all.
Is there a way you can get to be a lien-holder or something, on the house?
If there is enough equity to be worth keeping, esp. for the boys who presumably don’t have the money to pick it up…
This has got to be the kind of thing a lawyer can help with. Discribe situation: as above; Forecast future situation: she likely to blow the house later if not now; Pick goal: salvage equity in house; Seek protection: lien, 2nd mortgage, whatever the lawyer can come up with; Carry out plan.
The above was assuming the house is currently in her name only. If her ex’s name is also on it, you would lend him the payments, assuming that’s viable.
The plan is not to carry her, but to salvage as possible for the boys. You could end up owning the house when she loses it, which she will not appreciate; treat it purely as business.
You would make any payments or sell the house. As you see, not a half-measure; you see why a lawyer would be necessary to plan it.
I vote for the ** Stay Out Of This Mess.**
She made this mess.
She has to deal with it.
By not provided for her house and older children while she goes in jail she is trying to avoid the situation and will it to disappear.
That isn’t going to happen. You and I know it. Your sister needs to buy a clue. She shit from the well from whence she draws water, now she has to drink it.
You should not be doing for her what she should be doing for herself.
If you rescue her she will not learn her lesson.
If you rescue her kids (college age, right?) they will not learn the lesson. ( I’m not saying let them starve. Let them see what their mom really is: out of control and unreliable.) Break the chain of co-dependency. You have no room for them to crash at and frankly, money is tight for you, but hey, lets get a pizza and make positive plans for the future for ourselves, not dwell on mom’s problems that she got herself into and what little lessons have we learned here?
Talk things over with your good sister and be a united front.
Find out house payment status…she may be too far behind and ready for repo as is.
If someone has or can get power of attorney to handle her financial affairs, treat her home as an investment, letting her “own” the percentage she pays for. (Yes, you need a lawyer.) That way, if you and Good Sis and Ex-Husb. have all put in money, she’s not going to be able to blow it off. If she ceases to make payments at all, you can force the sale, and split the proceeds according to who has what amount of money involved. By including Ex-Husb, the childrens interests are covered well, moreso than their Mom’s.
That should be the object, the kids, their needs and their interests. Is the housepayment low enough that the house could be leased and produce excess cashflow? That could provide enough to pay for storage for the stuff in the house, and she can work on what she wants to do with her life when she gets out.
One would think that Ex-Husb would want to protect the money he already has in the property. Get it out of her name and keep it out of any bankruptcy, then let her declare on her other debts and learn to take a bus…THAT would cut down on the DUI problem.
Maybe this is the big family side of my personality coming out, but I think you should be a good uncle and do what you can to save the house for the sake of the boys.
Get a lawyer.
Do you suspect that he son put of calling you because he was hoping he could somehow deal with this himself?
Boyo, I can relate; my mother tried to pull the same ponzi on my aunt and uncle.
She owned several houses and other real estate, and as the first day of her sentence approached, she made empty promises about selling them and paying off her debts before entering prison. Instead she never sold them, apparently counting on my aunt and uncle to pay the notes on the real estate.
They didn’t, and now my mother hasn’t a dime to her name. The houses and her car were repossessed and she’s lost everything because she expected them to bail her out as they bailed her out before. I don’t feel a bit sorry for her, she deserved everything that’s coming to her and a bit more.
DON’T bail your sister out. She won’t appreciate it and she won’t change if she doesn’t have to. DO watch out for your niece and nephew – they shouldn’t be punished for their mother’s neglectfulness and stupidity. I was once in a position very similar to theirs and it could’ve ended badly indeed if my aunt and uncle hadn’t taken me in.
Boyo – A friend’s mom went through some really tough financial times and had to move to a room in a boarding house. My friend was able to rent out some space at a storage facility for something like $500 for the entire year where he could keep all the belongings he had left behind at his mom’s while in school.
Could your nephews (or is it nephew and niece?) store their stuff in such a facility while they’re away at college? That way their stuff is fine, safe and not likley to get scooped up in the event that other debt collectors come to impound stuff.
I have a few friends who had to do similar things when they went off to college and their parents moved from a house for four to an apartment for two.
No matter what, I’d get the kids’ stuff outta there, just in case.
very productive members of society have equivalent amounts! 
Shit happens!