I asked them to do a very simple thing - I don’t have renter’s insurance so please hold this small box of what I consider valuable. Most of the items in that box are pieces of baseball memorabilia I’ve gathered over the years.
Now that I’ve worked so much overtime (19 days straight), I’m expecting a rather large check this Friday and thought I’d add to my collection so I wanted to go through what I have and think about which piece would go well with it.
So I’m going through the box at my parents’ house today looking at the autographed baseballs:
Ozzie Smith, check.
Stan Musial, check.
Bob Gibson, Lou Brock, Jim Edmonds. Check, check, check.
Even Fernando Tatis. Check.
All Cardinals (and one ex-Cardinal).
I decide I need to round out my collection with some players from other teams to go along with my Ted Williams…
Hey, where’s Ted Williams? Anybody see the Ted Williams autographed baseball?
The single most valuable piece in my baseball collection, tell me you’ve moved it somewhere safer than that box. Tell me it’s in a steel safe in case of fire. Tell me you know where the hell Teddy Ballgame’s autographed baseball is! I gave you one simple job - leave the box here, don’t fuck with the box! Somebody fucked with the box!
Of course nobody knows how the baseball got out of the box, but with three dogs running around that house I’m scared shitless what they could do to a baseball. Friday is my birthday and I was gonna treat myself to beefing up my collection with some players from other teams, but now I may have to treat myself to trying to replace a ball that I spent close to $400 for in the first place.
And you know Williams isn’t getting any fucking younger either. Do these people have any idea how much the price of this thing would skyrocket once he dies? We’re talking about the last man to bat .400 over an entire season here and that was 60 years ago! He and Babe Ruth are considered the greatest hitters of all time!
Being in St Louis, any of the other balls can be fairly easily replaced. But Ted Williams, the pride of my collection, missing! Dammit!
And yes, I know the ball is that box. I distinctly remember when I packed up and moved out checking that box to make sure it had everything that I didn’t want in my apartment. I am hoping and praying that they’re all playing ignorant and they know where the ball is and just not mentioning it because it has something to do with my birthday coming up (although I asked them if that was the case and they denied it).