You jerk. You loser. How dare you take my mail, even accidentally. I hope you get groin beetles, whoever you are.
So the short of it is that I ordered a package back in March…it was actually a new Lego microcomputer that I needed for my robotics projects. The order was placed, the check was sent. Then I played the waiting game. I figured it was one of those six-to-eight week dealies, so I was patient. But I’m probably going back home next week now that school’s done, and lo and behold, no package.
So I contact the seller. He says it’s been sent, and actually runs a search. It’s been sent to my post office. I check with the post office. The carrier says she actually put the thing on my stoop. I check with the rental office. They don’t have it. The only conclusion we can reach? Someone swiped it, since mail doesn’t get up and walk away.
You think they’d at least have the decency to PUT THE PACKAGE BACK when they found it had nothing but a lego microcomupter inside. I’d be annoyed that someone opened my mail, but happy that my stuff was there. But no, whomever you are had to take my mail and run. My only hope is that some small, rabid animal climbed into the package and was hungry enough to take a bite out of your loins when you finally opened my mail.
Curse you and all those like you who see fit to take other people’s mail. A hearty “fuck you” to all those who dare invade other people’s privacy AND cheat them out of money. I hope the smell of stolen mail attracts vicious dogs who see fit to eat off your skin. I hope the Postmaster General of the U.S. pulls the switch when they fire up the electric chair on you. I hope you suffer the ironic death of being buried beneath seven tons of junk mail. Curse your hide!
…we now return you to your regularly scheduled ResIpsa. I’m normally much more cheery than this.
