My foot! Dear God!

Okay, so my foot felt a bit tender, and I took a look at it. I have a rectangular patch about an inch long and a half inch wide between the arch and ball of my foot that looks scaly, is peeling a bit and is tender.

What is it, an oddly located athletes foot? Will I have to amputate? Am I dying? Can I gnaw my foot off at the ankle to save my life? The knee?

Nah, just some fungii.

But you can amputate your foot, just to be sure.

All right, Micatin it is. If it spreads to my leg, I’ll cut it off at the knee and grow a new leg.

Um, that technology IS available, yes? Will it be so by the end of the week?

Oh, sure it is. Now you can grow back any part you cut off.

Try with your penis. I did it yesterday and grew me a new one, bigger and glossier. Word.

What an age we live in.

It’s on the sole of your foot? Do you need me to tell you that after you’ve spent a month or so fooling around with various OTC athlete’s foot stuff, you ought to have a doctor look at it? They’ve got prescription stuff available that can really nuke it.

Also, wear cotton socks and leather shoes, not nylon socks and plastic shoes. Helps a lot if this is going to be an ongoing problem (and I have yet to meet the foot fungus that wasn’t.) Bummer. You have my sympathy.

(I’m assuming that you didn’t spend last Saturday night walking over hot coals at someone’s 50th anniversary Polynesian luau and beer blast…)

Hmm, I thought you did it with a testicle and are still waiting…

A month? It just showed up.

Could be ectopic dermatitis. I used to get it when severely stressed or when the weather has been too dry for too long.

Symptoms were raised patches of skin with teeny, waterfilled blisters in it, that itched like hell. If I scratched the itch, it would hurt. After a couple days, the skin would peel off. Repeat cycle. The patches appeared on the heels of my hands, sides of my fingers and the heels of my feet.

Get it checked out - if it is ED it is NOT contagious, they aren’t really sure what causes it, and it is treatable with stuff from good ol’ Vaseline for mild cases to steroid creams for bad cases.

Of course, if this is really way too serious an answer, carry on . . . never mind me . . .

Tisiphone