I was going to post what Arabella said. You’re his roommate, not his mom. You didn’t cause this. You can’t fix it. You don’t have to be responsible for this.
That’s even more true if he does end up killing himself. It’s not your fault. It’s not your job.
If you don’t want to call the authorities, and you’re not comfortable being his 24-hour babysitter, you should feel free to find your own place.
As for calling the authorities - honestly, I probably would have called them after his latest late night confession. It might help him, it might not - but you know, it’s not just about what he needs.
What is it that you think you should be doing for him? Psychosis is not something that you can fix by talking to the person. Just as you can’t talk a diabetic’s pancreas into producing insulin, you can’t talk a psychotic person’s brain into producing the proper amount of neurotransmitters to function normally.
There really isn’t much you can do for him other than trying to get him in to see a doctor. Personally, I would consider it a huge red flag that he keeps talking about death and absolutely would have him taken in for a psychiatric evaluation even if it was involuntary.
He isolates himself, often not going out at all for over a week. He often has no food and that still doesn’t motivate him to at least walk to the shop that is 3 minutes away to buy something to eat. If he lived alone he would never talk to anyone and barely eat. Or perhaps he’d learn to do things for himself if he can’t rely on someone else helping him out. But I think in the short term it’s better for him to have someone at least keeping an eye on him. I think the ideal situation is for him to live with his parents for a while, and that is the plan I think, but not for at least another month.
Honestly, I think you should call his parents and tell them what you’ve told us. And maybe talk to a doctor yourself, to get some perspective on your friend’s situation.
Take care of yourself, Bozuit. Remember, put your own oxygen mask on, first.
Bozuit, why does he have to wait ‘at least another month’ before being under the watchful eye of his parents?
He’s not even eating fer christsake…
Without re-reading the thread, it appears that his state is declining.
Be assured that you are a good friend. However, you are not a mental health professional, or family. Seems to me it’s time for his parents to decide the next best step for their son.
He likes living away from his parents where he can smoke all he wants and generally not be part of society. He managed to convince them that he needs to stay here for longer because of his university course and so they’ve given him money to pay the rent for a little longer. I very much doubt he’ll move until he runs out of money, especially since he needs to give at least one month’s notice before he stops paying rent and won’t pay rent for a place he’s not even living in. I’m not denying it would be best for him to stay with his parents, but I need to pick my battles and “winning” that one is not practical.
So, he’s lying to his parents in order to steal their money to support, what? His drug habit and descent into physical and mental ruin? And you’re helping him do that to them, in a passive kind of way? They’re eventually going to find out that you kept this from them. Do you need his part of the rent that badly?
The path of least resistance isn’t necessarily the ‘best’ thing.
Does it suit you? Sounds like it.
Does it suit his parents? Seems to.
Is he happy to still be in a place to smoke too much weed - to the detriment of his mental health? No doubt.
I understand you are unable to step up, at least do your friend the service of locating someone who gives a shit about him, and give them a chance to intervene, for his best interests.
It’s not practical because I cannot help him fix everything that is wrong with his life in one go, and telling him to make a change that he’ll hate that much is not going to work until he has more clarity. Therefore it’s more practical to focus on other things, like getting him to at least cut down on drugs, that are actually achievable, before working on bigger-but-less-pressing issues.
I don’t understand where this is coming from. I don’t need to live here and in fact I don’t really want to either. Yeah it was a nice alternative to spending the whole summer with my parents as I anticipated, but it’s also getting very stressful. I’m essentially only here because he wants me to be, and because I think he needs it in the short term. The problem is that I don’t think it’s doing him any favours in the long term.
As for needing him for the weed, like I said, he doesn’t go out.
And, as I said, his parents did pay his share for that month or so, that’s the only reason he’s still able to live here and that’s part of why it will be especially hard to get him to move out, since it’s barely even costing him anything to live here.
I’m not sure he thinks he’s lying (or even that he is), he’s just good at finding “good sounding” justifications for things. There are many reasons why he doesn’t want to live with his parents, but he’s not going to tell them 90% of them. I’m sure most of you can understand that.
Yes I am certainly enabling him in some ways. The hard part is finding the right balance to make him do things for himself without abandoning him or holding his hand too much.
Believe me, that response came to mind when I was writing. But then I thought “He thinks he has to start a religion” which actually is pretty good justification.
Honestly I’m looking for genuine advice on helping my friend from knowledgeable people, not analysis of myself and not having to justify myself.
You should not do things to people for their own good without their consent (or indirectly participate in having such things done) without absolutely overwhelming, compellingly powerful reason to believe the thing being done is absolutely positively good for them and that not only would you want it done to/for you if the situation were reversed but only an infinitesimally small percent of people would feel otherwise.
I would sure as hell feel otherwise.
Discontinue being roommates or partners or friends with this person if you wish. Make him aware of the availability of mental health services if he seems at all interested in pursuing that course of action. But if he wishes to pursue a life of being a prophet and starting a new religion, that’s none of your damn business. Let him walk the path he’s chosen.
I thought the whole idea was to have the one who is being least rational be guided by the one who is most functional. Seems to me you’re letting him control the outcomes here.
And I don’t understand your last point here at all - what are you saying? You have to get it for him?
If you move (and you don’t want to be there anyway) he’ll have no choice but move. Would that be right?
Of course he’s lying. He doesn’t care that he’s lying; at this point he’ll do anything to get what he wants i.e dope smoking opportunities and the chance to start his own religion.
Yes, yes you are completely enabling him. Without you and the secrets you’re keeping for him, he would not be able to do what he’s doing at all.
There is no balance when you’re dealing with an unbalanced mind (and body).
Realise that eventually you will abandon him because what you’re doing right now is not effective, you don’t know how else to do it, and you will only become more stressed and more frustrated.
You are holding his hand so much you’re doing things you don’t even want to do. Like staying there and worrying about him, without making any useful steps toward helping him. You know that enabling is very different to helping.
Yannow, Bozuit, I’ve noticed over the years that when someone has no friends, there’s always a reason. It’s not always a very good reason, but it always exists. I think you have done enough investigating here to discover that the reason your roommate has no friends is that he’s not willing to cooperate with society long enough to make them. You can look at it as him being screwed in the head and selfish, or you can look at it as him having a higher calling to build a religion that has not been interfered with by worldly things, but any way you slice it, this dude is really seriously not interested in respecting other peoples’ needs and space just now.
You seem to agree that your roommate is in a state of mind that you don’t understand and don’t feel comfortable with. He needs something that you are not capable of giving him. The best thing you can do for him is get yourself out of his way so he can find someone who can do what he needs, whether that is feed him a boatload of lithium or take down his holy scripture.
You really, really need to get the hell out of there. Like yesterday.
I know exactly how your friend feels. I’m experiencing the exact same thing. I feel like a freak and trying not to come off as crazy, especially since I was kinda already know to be somewhat “unique”. People around me dont seem to know how to take it. And I certanly have no idea what’s going on because it not like this new found ancient gift comes with an instruction manual. Would like to snother person feeling these spiritual messages, signs, and telepathic powers. Never quite sure if I’m becoming a saint, disciple, profett, messiah, guru, alien, human evolution…thrilled and terrified simultaniously. Contact me.
