. . . and he asked me not to make fun of him. I said, “dear, have you ever met me?” I’m already calling the poor guy “Spotte.”
I’m thinking Roeuvre.
Inquiring minds want to know:
- Has he been neutered?
- Are his shots up to date?
- Any flea or tick problems?
- Is he over the leg humping stage yet? That can be embarassing for all concerned.
- Housebroken? If not, try rubbing his nose in it (I kid - I know that’s not how you housebreak a boyfriend).
- DON’T LET HIM LICK YOU IN THE MOUTH! They lick they’re own balls (provided he’s still got them) and ass.
- Don’t let him beg at the table.
- If he starts rubbing has butt along the carpet, his anal sacks may need cleaning.
- You live in an urban environment, right? Make sure your friend cleans up after his new boyfriend. No leaving poop where it might get stepped in.
- Crate training may sound harsh, but it really is the way to go.
Jesus, that sounds like my last boyfriend, and his name was “Paul!” That’s why I have cats now . . . They don’t throw up on the rug as much as Paul did . . .
What were his parents thinking?
Any siblings?
Pheephee and Toetoe, perhaps?
And the guy’s from Westchester, fer chrissakes, so he doesn’t even have the “foreign country” excuse.
My friend is now referring to him as “Spotte” in e-mails to me . . . there lies the road to disaster . . .
[hi-jack] My friend is dating a girl called “Lies” [/hi-jack]
I suppose she could learn to endure the gentleman’s name. Let take an objective look some other facets of the relationship:
Plus side:
she’ll never have to go out and get the newspaper again
Minus side:
the turning around 3 times before lying down could become bothersome.
Plus side:
long canine tongue!
Minus side:
sharp canine teeth!
Plus side:
A whole day of entertainment requires only a Frisbee
Minus side:
dog breath
Plus side:
gourmet meal prep requires only a can opener and a bowl
Minus side:
3:00 AM potty walks
Plus side:
when the relationship is over, there are any number of shelters where Phideaux can be dropped off
Minus side:
can’t ride on public transport unless your girlfriend pretends she’s blind
Am I missing any?
As an anniversary gift, she can buy him a collar. 
Unless I’m mistaken, Our Lady Eve’s friend is male…which would make him a homo…say, wait a minute here. What evil perversions are you people up there in New York up to now?
My girlfriend is seeing a man named “Duke”! The horror!
Well, at least it isn’t Dildeaux.
Once when I was bored I went on AltaVista and discovered there are two people living in Chicago named Charles Manson and Sharon Tate. I would love to have a party there, just to introduce them! Wouldn’t it be adorable if they hit it off and started dating?
Eve, we still have to introduce your old friend Fuk Yoo and the alum of my old college, Yuk Foo!
I think it’s unfair of him to even ask you to restrain yourself.
See Phideaux Run
Run Phideaux Run
nice hat…
I knew a guy named ‘Phideaux’, once. He worked at the warehouse at A&B Furniture in Greenbelt, MD.
Figure it’s the same guy? Mine would be early to mid 30s by now.