And I’m getting worn out by association.
As briefly as I can describe it: “Anna’s” mom was taken from assisted living (which did not have the skills or equipment to care for her, honestly) into the hospital on July 4 due to aspiration pneumonia. A few nights later, she was released into a SNF a few miles from my home. It’s a pretty good one, as they go; I am familiar with them, and she is getting much more care there than she could have gotten at the A.L. Anyway…I visited Anna on July 8 and took her some food and drink. She was crying every ten minutes or so because her mom barely knew her and couldn’t really eat or even swallow well and mostly just slept a lot. She weighs only about 80-some pounds now.
The past week is a blur. I dropped off snacks for Anna at one point, went back the next day to check on her mom for her because A. had gone into work and kept getting put on hold. I also went up there after 9pm one night when Anna called frantically asking for a heating pad because her mom was jerking spasmodically for quite a while.
Anna has barely slept in the past 48 hours or so for fretting, worrying, and so on. I keep telling her she can stay overnight here or any time but she has not yet turned up. She’s better today and now they have a PrN for a muscle relaxant from the doc. I still think this is Parkinson’s or possibly a reaction to a med, but I have no medical degree. All I know is that I have seen dying people before, and this is the deal: the patient is very underweight and frail; has trouble swallowing even pureed food unless you take about two hours to get it all into her; has a written order against a feeding tube and has a DNR; sleeps most of the time; can do absolutely nothing for herself. Thank goodness they turn her a lot and keep her clean.
Having watched my dad take ill in the final stages of ALZ and die about a year ago and having been through this with others before him, I have suggested that Anna hire some CNAs privately to take over the feedings and vigils. Anna looks like hell but thinks she has to be there around the clock; does not communicate well with her brother and SIL even though they are both living near her; and now she thinks that the folks at work can’t survive without her at the job. I (and others) have said that one person can’t do it all, that she really needs respite, and that work is really not a priority at this time. Given that she was driving home at 3am the other day eating cold French fries, I can’t see how she can go on like this without a total collapse.
I do what I can, but boy…my stomach is a mess sometimes. Yes, I know it’s not about me. It’s just hard to try to help someone help herself and not get anywhere. The latest update is that hospice nurses are arriving in a couple of days. I hope they can take over and give Anna some relief. The doc also told her that she needs to rest. Hope that sinks in.
Sorry to ramble on, but it has been a difficult past ten days or so.