My God, I'm not the only insane one!

We all have the “friend” who e-mails you the endless stream of jokes, chain letters and other general crap. Mine, a co-worker, forwarded this along to me this today:

I read the e-mail.

I stared blankly at my monitor, trying to understand what I was reading.

I read it a second time, and clarity hit me. In a fit of rage, I raced to the sender’s cubicle.

“Who have you been talking to?!” I demanded.


“Have you been spying on me??” I asked, frothing.

He stared at me, uncomprehending. The terror and confusion in eyes told me – this one knows nothing of my terrible secret.

I want back to my desk and read the e-mail a third time.

And I understood.

And I wept.

I wept the tears of joy that only the loneliest of the lonely can weep, when finally met with a familiar face.

I am alone no longer.

For I, too, am an organizer of M&M Mortal Kombat.

I’m not the only one who can be found hunched over his desk pretending to work, surreptitiously organizing my candy-coated warriors into brackets, preparing them for the deadly battleground they will soon face.

I’m not the only one spending far too much time devising rules for these tournaments (combatants must be face-to-face, the “m” logo side being the “face”).

I’m not the only one sitting there, squeezing two chocolaty warriors in a pinch of death – trying to determine that perfect moment when a victor is obvious, but before they both wind up exploding, spraying M shards all over my cubicle.

There is someone else out there, just…like…me.

Oh, except I’m not about to mail any of my champions back to the good people at the M&M Mars. No, the champions of the anonymous e-mailer’s league gets a much different fate than those of mine – my champion M ascends to the top of the towering container of raisins on my desk (I don’t only snack on junk food). There he will sit triumphantly, basking in the glory of his victory, master of all he surveys. Until I feel like snacking on chocolate again.

Then he gets eaten too.

So this whole experience got me wondering. In what way are you insane? What is it that you do that is so completely off the wall, that there’s no way anyone else shares your particular quirk. Bet’cha you’re wrong in thinking that. :slight_smile:

If I step on cracks in the pavement more than 4-5 times, I try to even out the number of times I step on them between my left and right feet. I also realise that in order to have a realistic gait, I have to plan out my steps about 3-4 paces ahead.

In other aspects of my life, I’m remarkedly sane.

Oh my God! I’m not the only one who feels somehow “wrong” if I’ve stepped on an uneven number of cracks??? I also have to have my shoes tied juuuuuuuust right. I swear, I have hints of OCD.

Right. And how many sane people post HERE? You wish! :smiley:

I am slightly less crazy than you you guys. I just separate my M&Ms by color and always eat them in the same order. Brown is always, always last because it tastes the best. It really throws me off when they introduce new colors.

Most of the time when i listen to music is because i’m going to become deaf to the world for the duration of it.
I tend to create a ‘video clip’ or a mini-story that corresponds to the type of song and the beat. It’s all fighting action sequence…with sacrifices and sometimes lost battles, between characters i had created in my head (i created them since i was a kid. Always wanted to make a comic outa them).
I’m female, btw.

The thing is i have to do it everyday. If i don’t, i get this ‘withdrawal’ of really wanting to listen and dream. :smiley: and if you try to talk to me, you either have to call my name out loud to wake me up.

How’s that for fruity?

erm…that is
you have to call my name out loud, or actually tap my shoulder to get my attention.

thank you. carry on…

sekhmett kiba:
ironically i do the exactly same thing… i visualize excellent fights… very similar to that of Dragonball Z fights (if anyone is familiar with the anime cartoon) but real life people rather than cartoons…
… the more hardcore the song… the more hardcore the violence
btw… im a guy … what does that change ? :wally

Ragez0r , dear, i said i was a girl because:
A) My handle tends to mislead…
B) Supposedly guys, like you, are the only ones that have ‘fight’ thoughts while girls dream about Barbie and Ken. ::shudder::


a) the only thing your nickname mislead me about was wether it was even a word or not :stuck_out_tongue:
b) rather rude of you to stereotype your own gender isnt it ? lol

I absolutely MUST read any book series in order. This is so I get the proper perspective on things and do not miss the small things mentioned in reference to previous books. This also prevents the spoiling of previous books storylines. It drives me up the wall to read a book and discover… that it’s the last in the series, or the middle… or whichever. I then must immediately rectify this and start at the very beginning and read them all. If the Library is missing bits and pieces (like the VERY FIRST BOOK) I go on a hunt of all the libraries I can get to to see if they have it in paperback. If they do not then I must stretch my budget to include the book or if it’s only available in hardcover I must find a friend with a copy or do without.

Anything spreadable must be spread evenly over as much of the surface area as possible. This applies especially to bread/toast, muffins and bagels. Refridgerated butter is my bane of existence.

I have a sock puppet personality. But, he isn’t really a sock puppet. He’s my hand.

When ever I get board with the conversation I seem to be stuck in, or need a different outlook on what we’re talking about, I ask Balbo.

Balbo usually has a Frech accent, but not always. He’s VERY lecherous and has been known to peer directly down a woman’s blouse while we’re talking and has even bitten a nipple or two every now and then, right there in front of everyone!

Balbo seems to be a likeable fellow, but he can quickly wear out his welcome if he’s to bawdy.

He likes to sing Beatle’s tunes, the early ones, and has a pretty nice singing voice.

Even after the other people leave or stop talking, Balbo and I will continue the conversation, at times getting into very heated arguments. Still, I love talking to Balbo. He’s intelligent, funny, and I never know what he might say or do next.
I kid you not. When I get into the Balbo mode, I am seriously not in control of him. When I do gain back the control, he is no longer Balbo, just my hand.

Obsidian Flutterby, you have a tri-cat soulmate! Those are two of my very favorite obsessions! :smiley:

I do the same thing!!! Right down to saving the Browns for last, and for the same reason.

I also do this strange thing rather compulsively, and I’ve done it since I was as young as I can remember. Not quite sure how it started or why, but sometimes I imagine that I’m completely covered in a perfectly smooth and even layer of margarine. When that happens I just have to strip it off with my hands. First I take my right hand and run it tightly up my left arm over the wrist and then my fingers through my other fingers nice and tight to make sure to get all of it. I then continue down my palm allowing the ball of margarine to build up in my right hand. Then finally I give my right wrist a quick flick to throw it away. I do the same thing, hands reversed.

I think I used to do it full body when I was a kid, but now I just do arms.

…and occasionally kneecaps for some reason.

I do that too. :smiley:

Waitaminute. I think that M&M thing originated here on this board. Does anyone else remember that? My searching was for naught.

Then again, maybe they saw it somewhere else, and posted it here.

If I am eating any kind of colored candy they must be separated into piles by color. All the reds together…all the greens together and so on.

And they MUST be eaten by even numbers. For example, I can eat 2 or 4 or 6 all at once but never just 1, 3, 5, etc.

If there is an uneven number of a certain color then, and only then, can I combine colors to make an even set.

If the bag has an uneven number of candies then the very last group I eat is allowed to be an odd number but only the last group.

God, this sounds bizarre when I type it out. :slight_smile:

I also sort by colors and have the “must eat even numbers” rule, but with a couple of twists – one, if I have an uneven number of a color, I am allowed to eat one to achieve said even number. Once I have even numbers of all colors, I must start eating from the biggest group, and I must have the same number of candies on each side of my mouth. Then I go after the next biggest group, and so on until I have the same number of each color. After that I eat them in whatever order I feel like – but always by twos or fours.

M & M Gladiator tourney’s, huh?

Gee Thanks.

Now I have yet another thing to distract me from me work.

So far, it seems that the browns are holding up Much better (Peanut Butter M&M’s)

I don’t get as involved as the others here with the sorting and even numbered eating of candy, but I do participate.

I did practice the even and fair stepping on of cracks, until one time, I actually got overwhelmed with the counting and gave up, swearing off it forever. Now I forbid myself to step on any cracks at all.

But, the insanity that separates me from all others involves the pattern of how I actually turn my body. Imagine, if you will, as if I had an invisible and virtual piece of yarn that was infinite in its length, protruding from my belly button. If I turn one way, I must turn back the same way, lest I get “tangled” in this yarn. So, I never turn one way, and then continue to turn all the way around.

I was a middle child. When I was little, I was convinced that under my skin, inside my body, I was actually a robot with gears and such. Maybe I even thought that I was a cyborg with some sort with AI. This was the explanation I made to myself of why I never broke a bone, despite the number of trees that I had fallen out of. At worst, I would just bend something, which could be bent back into shape.

I remember the times my mother would take me to the doctors’ office for random stuff, and I would think, “There’s not much he’s going to be able to do for me. I’m a cyborg,” or, “Go ahead and cut me open. All you’ll find is gears and circuits.”

When I was in the USMC, I got Double Bronchitis. When the Corpsman showed me the x-ray of my lungs, I actually looked at it deeply, as proof that my childhood fantasy was just that - a fantasy.

Re M&Ms, I separate them by color, and eat them by 2s starting with the color group that has the largest number of candies and working my way down to the smallest group. The only time I can combine two colors is if I have an odd number in that color.

[hijack] Remember that old Tootsie Pop commercial? The one where the kid wants to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, asks a turtle, who takes it to an owl. The owl takes 3 licks and then crunches it before ponderously announcing, “Three. It takes three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.” When I was about 9 or 10, I spent the better part of a Saturday with a Tootsie Pop, a piece of paper, and a pencil. I made a tick mark for every lick I took until I got to the center. My mother was amused and sent it to the Tootsie Roll company, who never even acknowledged my youthful efforts at scientific experimentation. :frowning: [/hijack]

When I’m walking on a sidewalk with cracks, I have to step on every crack. If they’re close enough together, I have to go from crack to crack. Otherwise I have to pace it from the crack, to the middle, to the next crack. If I’m walking with someone, it tends to drive them nuts.

Hmmm . . . maybe my mother’s not the only one in the family with OCD? :smiley: