My head is pounding like hell because I have a cold. Not just any cold but the cold from hell which entails having my nostrils stuffed so badly that I cannot get rid of the snot by merely blowing my nose. Noooo I must use a drill to get any modicum of breathing through my nose. And that’s just when I’m sitting upright. The mucous is packed so thick that my brain is starting to ooze out my ear in an attempt to relieve the pressure. OOPS there goes all of this semesters knowledge of the world wars and genetics. Maybe if I keep my brains in this handy empty jar I’ll be able to cram them back in once proper flow has been restored to my nose. Now I can truly claim to be merely a brain in a jar! It’s a shame that as we speak the pressure builds again ready to push out all memories of my childhood! Maybe that’s a good thing actually…
I’m starting to hear voices, or maybe that’s just my lack of sleep. Due to my lack of having anything resembling cold medicine in the house and it being around 6 am it means I am beginning to hallucinate. Sleep you say? Oh I would, believe me I would but I have not slept decently at night in about 4 days. The cold is just on top of that now. Why is it when you are sick that you cannot sleep at night? And yet when you manage to find a comfortable position to huddle in at just past dawn you can sleep for hours? It’s amazing.
The only thing is, once I actually do get to sleep I won’t be able to breathe at all. Oh I’ll manage to get the air needed through my mouth, but by the time I wake up I will have to slather on the chapstick. My lips will be so cracked and dry that I’ll use so much chapstick I’ll look like a little kid who just ate his big sister’s stuff. You know, that cheap Bonne Bell scented stuff that kids only hope tastes as good as it smells.
Once I have finished my waking, I’ll be able to join the legions of the undead! My normally pale face will be so white I’ll look like one of the Nosferatu themselves and I will stumble around like a newborn vampire in search for blood. Only I will be in search of something to dampen my parched mouth. Water? Water will help for a moment. I’ll have to drink a couple litres right away and end up peeing the next few hours away. Thankfully we have a box of mandarin oranges. That will be the best. Natural cold fighting power AND a chance to soothe my parched mouth! Now if only I could keep enough brain power in the few cells that didn’t ooze out in my sleep to peel them. Or perhaps I’ll just be so ravenous that, like the newly risen, I’ll dig in uncaring of neatness or formalities.
Once I return to my senses I will be able to mourn the grisly death of the orange which gave up it’s life to keep me alive. Or undead as it is. I’ll somehow manage to wake up enough to climb into the shower and stand under the heat to maybe bring a semblance of life back to frozen limbs and hopefully the steam will loosen some of the mucous enough that I can cram some brains back in to function. I shall then stumble out the door to search for a job and hope I won’t be discriminated against based upon my status as one of the undead.
And maybe I’ll have enough money after paying rent to buy some proper cold medicine too.*
[sub]*I’m sure I will, but my head aches so much it’s easier to be pessimistic about it.[/sub]
Actually I just feel weird posting in the pit unless I add a few swears in there. But the swearing part of my brain has now been added to the jar. 