My husband's grandmother doesn't want to give a tip

My husband’s grandmother has been giving money to far right-wing causes. She is definitely on the “old crazy person” mailing list. The latest is something to do with China taking over the Panama Canal.

I don’t know if China is taking over the Panama Canal. Grandma thinks that if she gets something printed in the mail it must be true. So she gives money to these causes. I have posted about it before and basically people told me to mind my own business, she can do whatever she wants with her money.

My husband hasn’t truly talked to her about it, but is going to suggest that she limit herself to some sort of budget for giving the money. She feels that she is making a difference and helping. I doubt it, but I’m a bleeding-heart liberal, yellow-dog Democrat, so what do I know?

Anyway, we were visiting last weekend and took her to the restaurant where she eats regularly. At the end of the meal I was going to charge it and she wanted to leave the tip so she wanted to see the bill. I showed it to her. She said, “I don’t tip very much.” I didn’t pay any attention to what she left on the table, but I put 20% on the credit card for the waitress.

The waitresses there are very kind and wait on her on a regular basis. What help could she give them? Twenty percent could make a difference in a young girl’s life.

But let’s save the Panama Canal from the Chinese.

(Yes, I know it’s better to leave the cash on the table so the server gets it right away, but I have just realized this recently and don’t always have enough cash. Mea culpa.

And, by the way, my sister-in-law was staying with her for a few days recently and talked to her about the mail (which is in piles all over the house) three times. Finally Grandma said, “You do it your way; I’ll do it mine.”

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law knows someone who just went to the Panama Canal and knows about it. So she asked him if China was taking over the Panama Canal. He said no.

So she called Grandma and told him what she found out. Grandma said, “But how do you know if he knows the truth?”

I think my in-laws have finally realized that she is not thinking clearly (age 96). She should not be worrying about the Panama Canal.

My mom was kinda like that there towards the end. Humor 'em. Continue to leave decent tips when they’re not looking. She’s 96. The old bat ain’t gonna notice, God bless her soul.

I can’t see how someones income should be dependent on tips. Tips should be a bonus on top of your income. Not expected but gratefully recieved for very good service.

Ok, so I live in a country where tips are not traditional but I just can’t get over the repulsion that tips are part of someones income. It seems that employers are asking the public to pay what they owe their employees.

IF tips are given they should be given for very good service, not just for service. As a customer it is not my place to pay the worker.

Waitress jobs, etc., in the US are often not paid very well. Long hours, rude customers, and low pay combined make for a pretty shitty job. It’s the right thing to do to leave tips here, albeit for good service.

Well, it’s her monet, true, but at some point I do think you and your husband, and his family, need to step in and say,
“Mom, we’re worried that by giving all this money to these causes, it woudl be very easy for someone to take advantage of you.”

At 96, her mind is not what is used to be. That’s not to say she has alzeimers or dementia, but it’s not like it was when she was 25, 50, or even 75. I have had a grandfather and grandmother who’s minds both progressed slowly into dementia, and with both of them, there came a time when my parents had to completly take over their finances, and the hard part is, they were still in their right mind enough to know we were doing it and get upset about it. But my grandmother was similar to yuors. Although not giving to crazy right-wing (made up or not) causes, she would give to just about any charity that called or sent a letter. My dad’s family tried incrimental measures, like a caller ID, and told her only to answer the phone is she recognized the name, and asking the mailman (small town, mailman was a friend) to take a quick look through the mail and weed out some of the junk if he could. But, gram still answered the phone, and some junk mailers still got through.
So eventually they were able to get my dad’s and aunt’s name on the bank accounts, and had ther bills all re-routed to them, and took away her checkbook. They would go to the atm oince a week and put cash in her purse for the few trips to the store she would make. Once they took her car away, they didn’t even have to do that (oh, lordy, don’t get me started on the fuss she made when they took her car away.)

I agree, but still leave a tip, because I do know that the servers need it for their income. I know several people who feel that tips should be abolished and server wages be raised. Well, if they did that, then the price of the food would go up between 15-20%, so in the end, you’re still paying the same amount of money. But, it would make peiople think they were not paying for the tip, so maybe it would be better.

Well, I don’t mind giving tips at restaurants. It seems it’s supposed to be 20% now, so I do it.

I hate the tip jars at Starbucks, Chipotle and everyplace now. Even at the dry cleaners. I usually ignore these, but sometimes drop in a few coins.

The thing about Grandma…and I said this the other time I posted about it…she’s really worried about things like the UN taking over the IRS. She gets up early so she can write the checks before her hand gets shaky. She has overdrawn her checking account once. This is beyond just leaving her to be happy. She is worried.

You mean the public doesn’t pay their employees’ salaries? Where does the money come from? The income fairy? :confused:

Straight from the company. Tipping just seems like socially acceptable form of begging, “Oh I can’t pay my staff enough, please help feed them”.

I would prefer that employees recieved a proper wage from the people they worked for.

Wrong-o my Kiwi friend. Tips are the bulk of a service person’s salary, and must be paid. Your boss doesn’t pay you only if he feels like you looked appropriately hot in that dress today, you shouldn’t tip your server because you feel like it. At least here in the States.

In the States, waitstaff usually don’t get a decent wage, and rely on you. It shouldn’t be relying on your generosity. It should be, pay me for services rendered, which is, you ordered food & drinks, I brought 'em. Pay up.

You’re going to be paying either way, what difference does it make?

I think that was my point! Employees SHOULD recieve an adequate income from the people they work for, they shouldn’t have to suppliment their income from people already paying for a service! Tipping means the owner is getting a very cheap wage bill at the expense of the customer.

Tipping is just legalised begging. People should recieve a decent income. Tips should be an extra, not something that is required in order for a waitress to make a living.

Calm kiwi, we don’t live in an ideal world! It’s nice to say all this but it isn’t this way…wait staff doesn’t get paid enough and that’s a fact of the US that I don’t forsee changing soon.

Not to mention, it does give me a little control over the experience. If Little Miss* 17-YO waitress doesn’t pay attention to me, flirts with my SO while ignoring me, screws up my order, etc., I can give her less of a tip.

*All of this really happened. Except I don’t know she was 17.

It’s a huge difference! Can’t you see that? When I eat out the price on the menu is the price I pay. IF the waitperson is exceptionaly good I may leave a tip.

Wether I leave a tip or not I know everyone earned a wage. No one was dependent on me throwing them an alm or two.

If I leave a tip it is because the service was exceptional. I don’t want to have to leave a tip for service, I was at a resturant…service is expected! I certainly do not expect to be providing the waitpersons income. That is the employers job.

Ought to, but isn’t. US minimum wage for tipped employees is only $2.13/hour.

It is a strange culture.

Expecting the customer to pay your wage bill is just rude.

You’re either really really fucking stupid or being deliberatly dense to make an idiotic point.

In NZ and Australia the servers are paid an actual wage and we don’t have to tip them to ensure they can eat.

But it’s our culture, so why do you feel the need to argue it? Would you go to Spain and constantly complain about the siestas because the stores are closed when you want to shop?

Maybe it is, maybe it ain’t. Here’s the deal. 15%. Easy math. Take your bill, move one decimal place over, you got 10%. Add half again, you got 15%. Easy. You wash your hands after you use the toilet? Why? Ain’t no law saying you have to. But you’re expected to, and you do.

You tip 15% of your meal. It ain’t alms. It’s the way it is. 20% is even easier to figure out.