My issues with that stupid horse movie, ehh Wraith? Ghost? Spirit? something undead?

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok ok, so those of YOU with small offspring are happy. There’s a new animated flick out there in the theatres. Joy.

I’m not going to go into the huge amount small children who keep getting underfoot (just think of that great scene from Army of Darkness with Ash singing “London Bridge” trying to stomp the little Ashes (only without the nail)).
Look folks, there are 3 adults and 56 million fucking children with you. ONE OF YOU WAIT IN LINE AND THE REST KEEP THE CHILDREN OUT OF THE BOXOFFICE AREA. I want to buy my tickets, and I don’t want to throw my money at the poor clerk because I can’t get within 50 feet of him due to your screaming mass of blasphemous offspring!

I don’t understand something about this. According to CNN.com whatever the hell this movie is called is targeted to young girls. Sure, whatever. But I watched some sort of Hollywood insider show this weekend that said the horse character was inspired by Bruce Willis’ character from DIE HARD. Yipie-kay-ay-motherfuckers!

Then again if the current generation of young girls keeps watching movies with characters inspired by violent action movie characters then there’d be more women playing online video games… At least I’d be able to listen to GUYS HITTING ON GIRLS AND NOT OTHER GUYS PRETENDING TO BE GIRLS!

I’m trying to wrap my brain around this concept. Lets make a kids movie, and we’ll get our inspiration for the main character (is the horse a main character?) from a character from another movie. Oh ohoh! and lets pick a character from an ultraviolent adult action movie, with lots of blood and an involuntary hanging.

Hrrm can’t you argue that all hangings are involuntary?

Second, the marketing. Not only will I for the next few weeks have to fight waves of kidlets at the theatre but I’m also subjected to the tie-in ads. Dairy Queen, I’m bitching at you! You’re ‘inspired by’ frozen treats. You’re selling frozen ice creamy goodness (mmm I want a milkshake) inspired by a movie inspired by Detective John McLain. Shouldn’t there be dead german terrorists/criminals in that milkshake?

NOT GODDAMN LITTLE CHUNKY THINGS THAT TURN BLUE WHEN YOU STIR THEM!?

Speaking of those things that turn blue…

WTF are they? They are apparently chemically inert until you add them to FREEZING MILK! Generally, when you want a chemical reaction to take place, a warm liquid is ideal. A milk shake, not know for being warm, a ‘liquid’ liquid, and above all NOT AN ORGANIC SOLVENT, does not strike me as the idea medium for those things to go from normal colour to blue. Are they even edible? This reminds me of those rock solid metal ball cake decorating things. The ones that have the warning ‘not recommended for human consumption’ on them. (Well at least the container of those in my parents house says that, but that was from the early 80’s.)

Ok, and if this is a movie targeted at young girls, THEN WHY THE HELL IS THE DAIRY QUEEN SPOKES TWERP MALE? (If he turns out to be a she, ignore this. Brown hair, short, kinda pudgy… could be male, could be female.)

Oh well.

This was going to go into a different forum, but I kinda got worked up on a few aspects.

Cite? You want a cite? I want pie. Maybe we can do buisness.

2

The trailers for that are so full of insultingly stupid stereotypes and hackneyed cliches that, based on the strength of the trailers, I will not be taking my daughter to that film. Hell, I won’t even be renting it.

Who said trailers were useless…?

3

My beef with the trailer is it says “it seems like we’ve been here forever, and we always have” or words to that effect. Except horses were extinct in North America, and were reintroduced after 1492. So you haven’t been there forever, liar!!! I say turn Spirit into glue.

4

Pet peeve of mine.

DONT CALL ME A FUCKING GUY PRETENDING TO BE A FUCKING GIRL JUST BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE A CHICK WHO LIKES GAMING, UNIX AND ONLINE STUFF.
FUCK OFF.
Other than that, pretty good rant.

does anyone else know how annoying that is?

5

SPirit was a good movie, no violence, no wise cracking cohorts, no lame attempts at comedy, no bedroom scenes, lots of great animation, western vistas and hard charging horses.

This is one we’ll buy when it is available.

6

Heh. When I play EQ I am constantly asked “are you really a girl? I bet you’re really a guy, huh” GRRR

The movie Spirit looks incredibly stupid and even the animation looks simplistic. However, my son (age 6) really REALLY wants to see it so I guess I’ll take him. Blah.

7

in the interest in eliminating ignorance.

a) it’s Baskin Robins not Diary Queen

b1) its food dye is all. It’s not chemically inert as the ads suggest. If you leave it be, it will slowly turn bue anyway. I think it’s cookie bits sprinkled with food dye. not that I know this. Not that I would, um, have eattenone or anything. But take it from, um, a ‘friend’, it’s not a big deal and it’s not as amazing as the commercials make it seem. oh, and my ‘friend’ said they were tast-i-licious.

b2) if you want to rail at DQ, they are featuring “scooby’s mystery flavor” of which a) they should be flogged for supporting that attrocity of a film and b) what the hell kind of ad is that, ‘mystery flavor’?
we laugh about it and make up flavors:
tuna (surprise!)
toenail (surprise!)
hairball (surprise!)
scooby’s doo (surprise!)

and for what it’s worth, the schmoe on the radio said it was a good movie. He used the word respectful about 38274 times.

The cartoon that looks reeeeeeeeeeeally lame is that new disney one. something about some alien. I would normally hate it, but honestly it kinda looks like my dog, so I may have to get an action figure of it when the time comes. But what the hell is it with Disney that they alwasy have to have ONE ethnic group as the main characters? This time around I see it’s hispanics.
Maybe the next movie will be African American (except I doubt it, because I honestly can’t think of one of their films with an AA family. maybe I am wrong though).

sheesh. You’d think Disney would realize that here in America, there are quite a bunch of families that aren’t soley one ethnicity.
They are as bad as McDonald’s commercials.

but I digress.

8

The horses all have poor confirmation. They also seem to be missing some joints in the legs, like cannon bones.

9

Actually, I think Lilo is supposed to be Polynesian.

And all movie tie-ins that are connected to films that are supposed to appeal to girls, or have a strong female character, are supported by males in the advertising.

I remember watching the Burger King tie-in ad for Pocahontis which had a young boy saying, “I’m John Smith.”

Great.

10

That would be Lilo and Stitch, which is not about Hispanics but takes place in Hawai’i. The state appears to be so jazzed about this that they are presenting/sponsoring/whatever the Disney website; you can absolutely bet the Hawai’i Visitor’s Bureau is hoping that the one-two punch of ER’s second-to-last episode and this film will bring new blood to the Islands.

11

It’s not Spirit, it’s Jizz-Horse. Just look at the other horse in the promo materials. She took a facial.

12

A horse giving another horse a facial…

I really didn’t need to think about that.

13

Venoma – I can see how that would annoy you.

But as a side comment, if only I could find a girl who likes video games, drinking and who can put up with me watching bad sci-fi movies when the mood strikes and who will let me cook for her life will be good.

3 of 4 damnit, I keep getting 3 out of 4!

Oh amusing email that’s related to this.

So my friend from college, name omitted due to stupidity, was in the theatre watching the Williams/Pachino flick yesterday. Assload of little people everywhere for that horse movie. He’s in the men’s room taking a piss before the movie. In walks a little kid, maybe 5 or 6. He’s going to the bathroom ALL BY HIMSELF! Aww ain’t that cute.

Unfortunatly, the finer point of unrination are unknown to the little guy. But we all know where this is going, don’t we. The floor is a nice big,easy target. So with a little smile on his face, the look of an emergancy bladder empting the kid starts peeing all over the floor. My friend is staring down at this kid, completely shocked.

The kid then starts to loose his balance and grabs hold of the urinal rim. THE PUBIC HAIR AND CONGEALED URINE ENCRUSTED URINAL RIM to steady himself. But! our intrepid young bathroom spelunker notices that now his hand is all WET, STICKY, COLD AND HAIR ENCRUSTED. So he wipes it clean on his shirt.

Finishes his buisness up and leaves.

NO HANDWASHING!

<YURK>

Now, my friend was so shocked at this latest revelation that he lost his concentration and peed all down his leg. Knowing his GF would not react well to this he did the old ‘cover up trick 3’ aka “The faucet exploded which is why I’m wet… everywhere”. It didn’t work.

His gf took one look at him and said, “Christ, you peed on yourself and tried to cover it up didn’t you!?” She’s an old hand at this, her last two bfs had similar incidents (we all went to college together).

The audience got into it also :slight_smile:

The moral of this story is: Just cause you little one can go to the bathroom by themselves doesn’t mean you shouldn’t supervise. Also, don’t pee on yourself.

14

I saw the trailers, and thought my five year old daughter, who adores horses, would love it, but I get annoyed with all the kids movies with either no girls or useless, insipid ones. It’s encouraging to hear it’s targeted to girls, and your recommendation is good, but…does it have good female characters? Any female characters?

15

I saw this movie this weekend with my 6 1/2 year old daughter.
She loved it. I thought it was the worst movie I’ve seen in a long time (ever since The Tigger Movie). The animation is actually very good - some great “flying camera” effects, beautiful landscapes, amazing water scenes. The story . . . well the story (such as it was) sucked. Horse meets horse, horse falls in love, horse loses horse, horse finds horse, horsies live happily ever after, all played against the hackneyed backdrop of the “noble native american” living as one with nature vs. the evil U.S. Army, but not played out in a way that anyone cares. Buy it for your kids if you must, but aviod wasting any of your own life watching the thing. (I thought Katzenberg was the guy who said "the story’s the thing?).

16

I’ve seen ads and trailers that keep saying “The horse with a spirit that could not be tamed”

The Egyptians left behind depictions of bulls being castrated.

The movie should end with a man carrying a large pair of scissors walking up and saying “I kin tame that thar horse.”

Or, in deference to the Native Americans-A woman with a large knife “Ah my son, you are still young. We elders of the tribe have deep stores of wisdom that has not been imparted to you. With the knife of your grandmother, I will tame this horses spirit.”
On A Serious Note-The Native Americans were people. It was wrong to depict them as savage redskins. It’s wrong to depict them as saints who talk to birds and walk without crushing a single blade of grass.

17

One more vote here for “if the trailers make me barf, the movie’s not likely to be any better, and we’ll see it only when the library buys it and we can see it for free…but only if Chitty Chitty Bang Bang isn’t in.”

:smiley:

18

Attack of L’Apostrophe!

I’m inspired by frozen treats too.

</pedant> Nice rant. I read an interesting article that pointed out that this movie will probably lead to a surge of support for wild horse conservation things, but that horses aren’t native to North America, and that it’s misdirected environmentalism at best.

So we should kill all the cute little horses. That wasn’t in the article, but that’s the idea…

19

More about Lilo. It was originally going to be set in Kansas but they moved it to Hawaii after deciding that the concept of “Ohana” or family was stronger here. So it was originally going to be White if that makes you happy.

The one they’ll release next year is “Sweatin’ Bullets” which takes place in somewhere in the west and features cattle herders and singing cows. No songs in Lilo.

20

osiris,

um. please pay attention to what I wrote.

it wasn’t that the family is supposd to be white. or hispanic. or even hawaiian.

it’s that in Disney flicks, EVERY one is white. OR hispanic. OR hawaiian. That they never seem to have any real world groups. you NEVER see a mixed family. and it seems like EVERY one is an ‘depiction’ of that ethnicity. You wouldn’t, for example, see a hispanic that looks white. or one that is very dark. no, all hispanics look ‘hispanic’ (if that makes any sense). Disney may be all fun and games and ‘culturally differse’ but there is something about them that just makes my skin crawl. They seem to be raging stereotypes… but ‘nice ones’.