Ok, so it’s a bit annoying to watch obnoxious mothers competing over who has the smartest child, but it could be worse…
An acquaintance recently told me her older child (she doesn’t refer to them as children, she calls them “fucking little shits”) was getting homework at school and that she thought that was just way out of line, and also she was going to complain that the kids were being taught at too high a level and she thought they should have easier work… mind you, her daughter is doing really well at school, it’s just that the mother doesn’t understand the work and so she doesn’t think the child should be doing it. The child is 8.
I am so glad I don’t have to see much of that woman.
The sports parents I’ve run across have been the dads - 95% of the time. Academic achievement it seemsto be more moms.
The absolute craziest competitive parent (a mom, but dad goes along) I’ve ever heard of has a son who used to be in my son’s grade. Mom is a PhD in math, and has been “coaching” her son in math for years. To the point that he scores in the top 10 in the state, and has participated in all the “Math Counts” and “Math Bowl” contests out there.
Every year, a middle school in Terra Haute, Indiana wins the state middle school math competitions because they have an excellent teacher who coaches their team. In order to give her son the BEST chance to win the state competition for math skills in 8th graders - Crazy Mom and the rest of the family MOVE from Lafayette, Indiana to the right school district in Terra Haute, Indiana. The Parents keep their jobs in Lafayette, and make the 1 plus hour commute each way.
As soon as the math quiz season is over, they all move back to Lafayette. Mom then tries to organize a super Science bowl team. Somebody blew the whistle on her saying that her son can’t compete for Terra Haute in one subject and for Lafayette in another in the same year. The kid is now being home schooled as he’s fallen out of step with both school districts. And all this is so an eigth grader can win a prize.
I have to say, although I never try to be a jerk about it, it’s sometimes hard to relate to people who don’t understand you. I don’t use “fancy polysyllabic” [at least, I assume that’s what you were going for] words because I want to look down my nose at people, I use them because they’re accurate, and I think in them. But it’s difficult to be going full steam in the middle of a sentence and have your conversation partner have to stop and ask you what your words mean. I’m not subscribing to the “smart people have an excuse to be social misfits because they’re Above It All” theory, but it is sometimes hard to communicate with people who don’t have the same vocabulary you do.
It’s a problem I’ve been running into a lot recently, and I’ve had to think a lot about how I use language and whether or not I should consciously “dumb down” my vocabulary to relate to more people. It’s not an easy problem to solve.
Tracy it’s not just a matter of words. It’s harder to get along with most people when you find the movies, games etc that they are interested in to be overly simple and therefore dull.
To the OP, when you have a kid you’ll find a desire in yourself to carry on in the way the parents you describe do. You’ll find it quite hard to stop yourself. I’m not saying impossible, but it’s harder than you think.
And as for shoelaces, I’m 38, but my preferred footwear is this.
“And soon he’ll be graduating from university!”
Sorry.
Seriously, why are people compelled to boast about their supposedly brainiac kids? It’s not like they actually, deliberately caused it. It was just a happy combination of genetics and coincidence. Most highly intelligent intellectuals I know could do with a bit of a Remedial Personality class, I reckon. (I’m joking - I’m supposed to be pretty smart, but if you’re not happy and you’re a Charmless Loser, a high I.Q. won’t mean shit).
Hah! I’ve got you all beat! My son is ELEVEN and can’t tie his own shoelaces! :smack: (Or maybe it’s won’t. In the end the result is the same…)
Also, if anyone knows the name and whereabouts of the invisible friend who eats a spoonful of sugar, licks the spoon, and then puts the wet spoon back into the sugar bowl, please let me know, because he’s a walking invisible dead man. Also the one who goes through the hamper and stuffs half the socks inside the other half of the socks. Surely neither of my angels would ever do such a thing, and anyway, they’ve assured me they don’t
I’ll tell my husband he’s not allowed in your house anymore.
I know. I’m usually one to stick to my guns, but I’m afraid I’m going to do ONE thing with my kids that I’ve said I won’t, and my family and friends are going to hold it against me. Especially since I’m more of the earth-mother, everything natural kind of person, and I want to be that kind of mom.
Don’t say too much about what you’re going to do or not do. It will inevitably come back and bite you! (By all means have ideals and hopes, and ask people you trust about their experiences–just don’t go around saying you’re going to do X Y and Z. If you see what I mean…) The more you say, the more likely it is that your kid will refuse to eat anything resembling a vegetable–it’s the universe’s way of teaching you not to make plans.
Your friends and family might tease you a little when you (inevitably) feed your kid something chemical-laden for once, but OTOH they’ll probably also sympathize–with a grin–and just think you’ve joined them in the real world of being a parent.
You see, oneupsmanship is the way of the Message Boards. Even for the stuff one is embarassed about it’s inevitable. One of the things I teach my kids is that no matter how smart, pretty, funny, strong (ad nauseum) you are, there is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, funnier, stronger, etc.
That’s true, too. Common ground is important in building relationships, and it’s not easy to get along if you want to talk about the great McKellen Shakespeare adaptation you just saw, and they want to go see…oh, say Pearl Harbour.
The other evening I was discussing with some mothers at my daughters dance class the upcoming recital. They were all tlaking about how well thye hoped their kids did when I said, “I hope she just goes up and does it without freaking out in fear and is traumatized for life.” One mother got all snotty, “Yeah, right, not Helenette. She is so social and outgoing, She loves to perform. Like you’re really worried.” (rolleyes, rolleyes, rolleyes)
I see this as a part of the competitiveness. If your kid does have some kind of strength, other parents will feel threatened and need to treat everything as a challenge.
I can’t wait for the opportunity to say “My little darling Einstein can wipe the floor your little Einstein’s ass; and I can most certainly kick yours. And we’ll still be smarter. Bring it!”
Not that it’s at all moral or ethical or anything…
I think the reason why so many parents seem competitive, at least IMHO, is the fact that so many of these mommies lose their own identity and become absorbed in every aspect of their kids.
It’s sad really.
The validation that you are doing a good job doesn’t come from a Parent of the Month award or some kind of ceremony. If you don’t mention it, it is like it doesn’t exist.
So, if you don’t brag, you get swept away in the undertow of Braggers. And if you don’t deal with a bunch of braggers, you get the women who had The Worst Birth Evar On Record!!1111!!! I hate these women passionately.
I always, with any Bragging Rights Issues of Life ( not limited to kids) try to make it anecdotal.
My daughter started walking at 7 months. And my 7 year old has no concept of shoe tying and I don’t care. Tie shoes are for the Amish. Viva La Velcro!
It’s a problem I’ve had all my life, too. I always read far above my grade level, and used words from that reading because “They’re words. Words are to be used, right?” But when I’m the only one of my peers that knows that word, I guess it came across as arrogant. Eventually I quit worrying about it, but not until I was well into my 20s. I just talk like me, and if others don’t care for it: shrug
At any given time, I have up to 1000 miniature invisible baby wolves living at our house. They’ve even gone on vacation with us and get their exercise every day by running behind my truck as I take the kids to school.
Does that mean you have different tastes or does one’s movie choice have some sort of correlation with intelligence? If that’s the case, I’m surprised I ever learned how to tie my shoes! (I have actually had to stop myself from renting Blade Trinity on a particularly lazy day.)
Y’know, I was ready to write this off as coincidence, until I looked in my pantry…not only did I find a bag of brown sugar that I had never purchased , but indeed, approximately 1/3 of it was eaten.
Also, I’m missing a box of Milk Bones, but I’m tempted to attribute that to the remarkaly fat and happy dog on my floor.
Finn Again cracks me right up. Is it wrong to say that I pointed out the irony issue first, with my regrettably-obscure Alanis Morrisette reference? See…I am smart.
The thing that really gets my goat is when people write, with regretful tone: "It’s a pity I can’t ____ with some people…it’s really my fault, since I tend to be/act/talk far too intelligent/mature/high-falootin’.
After time, you start to wonder if the people who bemoan their remarkable gifts aren’t the ones locked inside the glass house.
