Yeah, I know, kids do that… but my daughter has never lied to me before and, well, I was kind of hoping I had just a little longer before she started!
You see… she turned 2 two weeks ago… and up until about 2 months ago she never said more than mama, dada, doggie, kitty, and dat (that) She now, seemingly overnight, has a pretty good vocabulary and can string words together to get her point across.
So I gave her a cup of milk and turned around to load the dishwasher. crash comes from behind me and I turn to see milk everywhere. I ask her what happened and she looks up at me oh so innocently and says “doggie” and points to the TV room. No the doggie has been sleeping in the TV room for over an hour now sweetie and did not help you spill your milk.
I told my mother this and I think she almost died laughing. Not quite the response I was hoping for.
Well, you can’t let her get away with it. You need to ground her. And take away her allowance. And the car keys. And phone privileges. Tough love. That’s the ticket.
<he he he he he>
Hmm, my four-year-old has just started lying, and we’ve had to be harsh with him – Time Out’s or loss of a priviledge like TV for the evening. If he keeps doing it, a spanking (his first ever) would be likely. Lying is a big one. Take it seriously.
Dunno if you do Time Out or other punishment, but consider what would get her attention without being too harsh. I’ve always found Time Out effective, YMMV. In any case, you must a) give feedback immediately, not later, for a transgression, b) give an appropriate punishment, c) give a punishment every time, for that transgression – being consistent is important.
Unfortunately, it’s too late to punish her this time if you haven’t already. You may have to wait until next time, or it would be ineffective and she would not understand why she’s being punished.
Lastly: the entire concept of lying can be difficult for a young kid to understand or for you to explain. I’m not sure what tips to give you here, except to give examples. And since it can be difficult for her to understand why this is wrong behaviour, don’t overpunish, start very small, but again be consistent.
I think tanookieis expecting, so it seems TanookieKid will have a little brother or sister to pass the buck soon.
It would have been nice if I’d had that, but I was the good child - my little brother blamed everything on me when I was ALWAYS good (my mother knew better than to fall for it - he was the devil child, not me;)).
GMRyujin… Number two will be along in October. Once the second one can walk and talk I think we’re pretty much doomed
FTR I told her that the dog did not spill her milk and that she knew the dog did not spill her milk. She is only 2 and at that age kids still live very much in toddlerville. I don’t think she maliciously lied. The concept of lying is difficult to explain to someone with a vocabulary of about 50 words!
I did find it pretty funny though (in the same way that so many of the wicked things they do are funny and yet you can’t laugh at them lest they think of trying it again) I was mostly surprised. We will be on the watch for more of this though… not something I want to become habit!
I had a demonic little brother too avabeth. Yet my parents took his word as gospel simply because he was a boy. (Boys are wonderful … girls are property) This is not a philosophy I follow at all!
Ack! That’s not right! My parents took my word as gospel, but not because I was a girl, because they knew my brother lied and was just a rotten kid (he grew up to be a pretty cool guy, though:)…even if he did chase me around the house with a butcher knife once:D). My mom always said if she had my brother first, he’d have been an only child:rolleyes: . Good thing I’m the oldest.
Sounds like TanookieKid is just testing your limits…she doesn’t sound like a bad kid at all:).
Eeek sorry avabeth… didn’t mean to make it sound like your parents were schmucky… just saying mine were! (and wishing I had real parents) I wish too that my brother had grown into a cool guy… mine’s in jail
All kids test their parents limits. She’s really a great kid! At least we like her
Oh, I didn’t think you’d implied that at all! No worries!:). And I’m sorry:(. Who knows, though, sometimes they turn themselves around quickly - my brother certainly did after high school - went from being a terrible student and getting in trouble all the time (this is the kid who pantsed his ninth grade English teacher) to going to culinary school and becoming a chef - he’s now the head chef at a 4 star restaurant, owns a house, and is getting married to his high school sweetheart in three weeks. Everyone can always turn around.
At least she didn’t blame it on a stuffed animal. When I was 3 1/2 I was playing with my beloved plush toy named “Pig” and I decided to pretend he was climbing the curtains in my bedroom. In the process I pulled the curtain rod down. When my mother discovered this she asked who did it I pointed at my toy and replied “Pig did it!”
Pig was not punished for his transgressions. My mother just set the curtain rod back up without any further comment.
I am extremely clumsy, but my mum says when I was little she had a rule that if I spilled my Ribena (blackcurrant cordial) I had to drink water for the rest of the day, and apparently it worked like a charm.
As for the lying, if you (gently but firmly) make it clear it’s wrong now, hopefully she’ll at least grow up knowing that. She probably doesn’t understand now that it’s wrong, it just seemed like a good way to avoid trouble, to her.
What’s wrong with blaming the dog? We’re all adults in this family, and we STILL blame the dog!
I was the younger sib but the devil child. My favorite was the time when I was about 5 and I just HAD to carve something in the piano bench. So I carved my sister’s name. Took a spanking and a lot of tears for her to convince our mother she really WAS innocent.
Until the age of about five, the child is not completely able to discern truth from fiction. It is almost as if the child is willing what they say to be the truth.
The next time she does it, talk to her about what is real and what is not. After a while, it will begin to make sense to her. But I would leave off the punishment until she is old enough to understand.
When a friend’s child was two, he wet the bed and was ashamed of what had happened. He told his father, “The wind has a penis and came in the window and wet my bed.” The father handled it so well. He said, “Matt, the wind is a girl.”
KRC … we have pink bear. He goes everywhere she does and does everything she does. They have tea parties and she slides him down the slide ahead of her when she plays outside, he sits properly in the chair next to her at dinner and they sleep together every night. If anything befalls pink bear we are doomed!
Ya know rekkah… I am clueless about what blackcurrant cordial is!
My poor dog is in for it when number two arrives. Munchkin already torments the heck out of the poor dog. She rides the dog and steals the dog’s tennis balls. But she does feed the dog at all the tea parties and is usually good for dinnertime spillage so the dog lets her do anything she wants to her!
Oh and Zoe… I like that your story about the wind!
Errm well it’s fruit flavoured concentrate, that you dilute to make a fruit flavoured drink. I’d say squash, but I have a feeling that’s another word we use in the UK that isn’t known too widely (and I’m not talking about the vegetable). It’s not really important - I liked it better than water, so I preferred to be careful and not spill. I don’t think it worked with my little brother though, so YMMV.
Look, with two kids (5 and 2 1/2) I have come to the following conclusion: humans are basically hard-wired to be who they are - rebellious, passive, humorous, aggressive, what have you. However, those basic traits will flow in any direction they can if left unchecked with structure and discipline.
So a kid will lie because that is a worthy strategy to try out. And if they find success with it, they will try it again. If they find sufficient success with it - either over numerous tries, or for one big thing - they will adopt it as proven. What should a parent do? Call them on it without over-reacting, make it clear that honest communication is most important, even to the point of not punishing them if they 'fess up to something.
Granted, tanookieKid is only 2, so at this point, I would just call her on it - “Noooo, the doggie didn’t do it, did she? I think maybe tanookieKid did it - what do you think?” in a way that is harmless and non-threatening. If she cops to it, thank her profusely for telling the truth and leave it at that. Over about 2,000 repetitions (a grave underestimate) she will learn how much you value the truth.
My vision is not great, and one of the problems I had as a kid was the apparent complete lack of depth perception. I don’t notice it at all now, but a recent physical confirmed that I still don’t have any.
This led to me being very clumsy up until I got glasses, and even now I can still be clumsy. I would often misjudge the distance to a water/juice glass, resulting in my spilling it, but because in my mind I had reached for it properly, I could never understand why it would get knocked over. So I would blame the table, or the glass, or whatever, but it was never my fault.
(in the same way that so many of the wicked things they do are funny and yet you can’t laugh at them lest they think of trying it again) I was mostly surprised. We will be on the watch for more of this though… not something I want to become habit!
