About 13 years ago, when the Rykid was small, I used to chase him around making pinching motions while saying “Getcher butt!” in a threatening voice. He’d squeal and run until I caught him and then giggle while I playfully would almost give him a pinch.
Anyway, he decided to try it on me while I was on the phone at my parents’ house. He came up behind me, said “Get a butt,” and pinched me.
Now, I didn’t expect it. Not at all. And the normal reaction to an unfamiliar feeling on the posterior is to jerk your hips forward.
So I slam-humped my parents’ built-in buffet.
I went: Shock anger discomfort embarassment bemusement laughter.
It took a while before I could explain to my friend on the phone what had just happened, but first I had to let my son know that I was OK but that it would be best to let me know when he was going to do something like that.
This came up when a group of us were discussing scenes that should appear on America’s Funniest Home Videos. I think this qualifies. Too bad it wasn’t filmed.
Earlier today, Hardship(T.M.) and I were having tea at the table. She was complaining about a pimple on her back she couldnt reach. I offered to take a look, providing I wouldnt touch it. Closer inspection revealed a beauty of a spot… Which I was forbidden to touch as it was too sore. So I asked her some random question about her day, and she began to tell me “Oh, the usual, balh blah blah…” at which point I pounced, squeezing that bad boy. It popped, she squeeled, I laughed. She called me a “Meanie”, and I did a little cackle dance, lauging at my cunning. I danced into an ajar door, face first. I went down like a cold beer, and did not rise for some time. I actually feel a bit concussed writing this, perhaps a trip to the ER might not have been a bad idea.
Maybe sometime I’ll relate the story about how the Rykid, while we were wrestling around, managed to swing a backhanded karate chop that connected dead smack on my adam’s apple, thereby leaving a huge bruise that showed up very well when I had my ID-badge picture taken at a new job.
Just supposing. Don’t take offense. Please let the wifey know that I meant no offense, pretty please?