Doh! Sorry. I knew that, so I’ve no idea why I referred to you as “she.” Perhaps I slammed my head in something, too.
Ah, youth. We (all us males that is) sympathize, and cringe at the memory.
Nah, you’re just overworked.
:eek:
I’m glad I’m tall now.
Not to worry, it will only happen once. Same for a zipper. Just once.
I also say OWW!:eek:
My friend’s 7 year old went worse. One summer day he was out on the driveway, bouncing on his pogo stick. You all know where this is going, don’t you. This was back in the early 80’s and they hadn’t thought about enclosing the springs in any kind of protective shielding. Get ready to cringe. Well, he was wearing loose shorts and boxers and got a little too close to the spring. Ok guys, cross your legs and wince.
We were inside when we heard the scream. He ran into the house, holding himself and ran into the bathroom crying and sobbing hysterically and slammed the door. My friend’s wife ran down to the bathroom and knocked on the door, asking what happened. The poor kid said he couldn’t tell her but he could tell his dad. So my friend went into the bathroom.
When he came back he told me that the head had gotten pinched in the coils of the spring and has now flattened, red and bruised looking. He was sure the kid would get at least a blood blister on it. He brought an ice bag back to his son and got him to come out of the bathroom.
His mother told him he would be OK. The poor kid looked at her and said, “Mommy, could you kiss my boo-boo?” Fortunately, she kept a straight face and just said, “No, honey. But a kiss on the forehead will work just as well.”
No permanent damage. He’s grown up and has 4 healthy kids. And a healthy fear of getting his junk caught.
I’ll tell about my childhood idiocy.
I was riding my bicycle when I decided to see if I could stop by sitting on the rear wheel.
I’ll leave the rest to your imaginations.
Nope, he did it once before.
This is why you are not called biker pat?
One of my husband’s cousin’s managed to get his balls trapped between the toilet seat and the toilet when he sat down to take a shit one day.
He flashed past “screaming in pain” to “unable to make a sound” and wound up being taken to the hospital in an ambulance. At least the EMT’s managed not to laugh in his presence. Took quite a few people to remove him from the situation - he is over seven feet tall, a really big, heavy guy. Sitting on/crushing his own balls.
As he has fathered several children since I assume no permanent harm done.
Worst I ever heard was the story about the father of a friend of mine, who went swimming naked in a cold Canadian lake and then relaxed afterwards in a 'Muskoka chair".
Now, a Muskoka chair is made of slats of wood, with a small clearance between the slats. Turns out his cold-water-shrunken balls were small enough to fit through these slats.
Not so when they’d heated up.
Pain, embarrasment and hilarity ensued.
Sadly, painfully, this is more common than you might think. (The last is an infamous Fark thread that came to be known far and wide as “The Ballsack Conundrum”)
I am totally cross-legged at that pogo stick incident, however. :eek:
I’ve never slammed myself in a toilet lid, or got caught in a zipper, but I did cut myself with a razor once. It was actually a lot less painful than you would think. It hurt less than a cut on the face.
That is the funniest story I’ve heard all week!
When he’s older, maybe he can get someone to kiss it better for him…
Oh, and zipper jams? Yet one more reason I prefer button flies.
OK, a few Dopers have chimed in on similar experiences, so I’ll just say: does no one wear underwear any more? Is commando that common now? (I’m as liberal as the next guy, but the only time I’m commando is when I wear shorts that have a very good chance of doubling as swim trunks before the day is out. Since I rarely wear shorts (don’t like showing off my legs, all my shorts can easily double as swim trunks (something I do (grudgingly) need) for that reason) and I can’t swim (although I do go in the water sometimes, but I’m much more of an indoor person) this is rare.
I’m sure he’s got his wife to kiss his boo-boo better since.
It’s my understanding that most zipper incidents take place after a guy has taken a piss; meaning he, while still wearing underwear, has his dick hanging out of his pants. He then zips up after having not tucked his junk away fully. Pain ensues.
Wait until he has to take a piss outstide and get’s stung by a bee or a wasp on his penis. Never happened to me, but did happen to 2 friends of mine. Once was when he was at summer camp on a hiking trip, the other was during high school. It was during gym class and we were outdoors at the football flield. He needed to take a piss and the porta-potties were locked so our teacher had him go behind them and pee in the woods. He got stung by a wasp on his head. We practically had to carry him to the nurse’s office so she could examine his penis and remove the stringer. She cleared 2 girls out of the exam area by saying exactly that. Oh, and just to make things worse his mom worked over at the middle school (attached to high school) and the office called her and she came rushing over. Fortunaly our gym teacher managed to keep her in the waiting area of the nurse’s office until her son was able to get his pants back one.
Wait till he starts riding bikes, then get him some pads – nothing worse than getting your nuts crushed on a BMX or the fork. I was 26 or so before I had my first zipper accident – goddamn that hurt, both the first time and then unzipping, which was even worse. Never heard me scream and curse that much before. Maybe button-flies are even worse, but let’s hope you raised a smart kid.
OK, I’m trying to visualize how this could realistically happen.
Junior is done peeing. He leaves his willy lying on the surface of the toilet bowl as he reaches forward to shut the lid of the toilet, not dislodging his willy from the toilet bowl surface as he does so. He leans back, which he must do in order that the closing lid does not hit him, and again does so without displacing willy from the ledge. Willy is crushed (or at least nicked).
I am not doubting, but it does seem like an unlikely series of events.
mmm
When my son was young (maybe five), he had the baseball bat in his hand. And he decided it might make a good place to sit. So he put it at an angle in front of him and started to lever himself onto the bat.
I saw this happening in slow motion and yet, I was too slow to stop it (N…o…o…o…o…o…o…o…o!) He turned white, his eyes crossed, and he fell over. And I - bad mother that I am, started laughing.