Klunk… short pause… WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mom is around the corner in the laundry room and says “Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” Man, I was afraid to look. The tip of his little Kohler was all red, but fortunately no bleeding. Oh, yeah, he’s three, and a bit short, so perfect height for the involuntary tenderization. We keep telling him he doesn’t need to close the lid, but he won’t listen. He’s gotta do what he’s gotta do (and he slams it hard).
He did this once before. Now I have to go out and buy 3 slow-close toilet lids, just in case he hasn’t learned his lesson.
I used to call the kids No. 1 Simmerson and No. 2 Simmerson, but now I think I shall call No 2. Slammerdown
Well, he already wears jeans, but he hasn’t quite learned to zip them up himself, so if there’s an accident, it’s all on our, er, shoulders. Now, the elder Simmerson has, I believe, had one or two minor incidents in that department (he is 9). I, myself, have avoided terribly ugly snags, but have had several close calls.
I’ve never had a zipper snag (I’m paranoid about catching my junk) but I had what may be the most idiotic and almost tragic accident when I was something like 8 or 9. Now, just keep in mind, I was a bit of a weird kid. But anyway for some bizarre reason not even I can fathom to this day I thought it would be funny, while peeing, to “cut” the stream with a pair of scissors. So I did, several times.
Yeah, you can see where this is going.
One snip a little too far upstream, as it were. Left two straight but thankfully shallow cuts on the top and bottom of the head. Stung like a mofo for the next few days.
Seems like a self correcting problem why bother with new toilet lids. I really doubt he’ll manage permanent damage. Do you think he’s some type of masochist and will keep doing it?
I don’t know. I did mention he did it once before, and he always likes slamming the lids down. There are some signs that he realizes that the toilet lid is not his friend. For example, he peed his pants twice since the incident. Also, he peed happily in the toilet at grandma’s. She has a slow closing lid.
I have to say that this reminds me of a childhood memory. Me and some kid who’s name I cannot recall had decided that we needed to pee during our toy soldier war game. I think we were around six or so years old.
We stood side by side as I recall, and my natural curiosity caused me to peer at his wiener. It was almost horribly mangled. It looked kinda like a root vegetable, lumpy and twisted.
I recall asking why it looked like it did, and his reply was that a couple years before, he had smashed it in a toilet seat in his parents home that was made out of MARBLE.
I’ve never completely forgotten that, and I can’t recollect properly…were marble toilet seats a “rage” in the mid-late 1970’s? I’ve always wondered about poor kid’s penis, and if in fact his parents had a marble toilet seat, and if it came crashing down with an aura of finality on his mangled junk.
This, plus he’s going to need to pee in places other than home. He needs to unlearn his habit of slamming the lids down. And, in fact, he might very well have started this learning process.
My husband had a zipper incident when he was in primary school, and ever since then, he’s been very careful to tuck first, then zip. Tell your boy that he needs to put away his toy before he slams anything.
I presume she’s referring to the kitchen and bath division of Kohler. As in Kohler faucets. (I suppose it would also work with Moen, which would be funny if it weren’t referring to a little boy.)
True about the sprite using other toilets, but I think I will go ahead and install the seats. They need to be replaced anyway. And lesson, or no lesson, I don’t think that I could go through that again, so I’m going to minimize the possibility. If it happens elsewhere, then I will deal.
He is told repeatedly to put Oscar away, but he is impulsive. I can see that he is going to learn many a lesson the hard way.