Dyslexia also leapt into my mind as well. Some people can hide it for years…even into their twenties, I believe.
Above all, PLEASE for the love of god, be supportive of this child. Frankly, from what I’ve read, “she’s stupid”…really disturbs me.
Books on tape might also work to pique her interest.
I would NOT critize what she chooses to read.Anything at all (well, almost) is better than not reading. Let her pick whatever she wants to read.
Family counselling, for all, sounds like the best place to start. As other posters have said, depression can make a big difference in school performance.
–tygre
Sigene, even on your own account, your stepdaughter is not an “idiot”. Someone who’s at the 25% level for intelligence is somewhere between an 85 and a 90 I.Q. That’s not even mildly retarded. It’s just on the dull side of normal. So in calling her an idiot, what you are doing is not refusing to “mince words”, it’s exaggerating.
I’ve had some problems with each of my kids, maybe my stories will help.
My son refused to cooperate in achool at all past about the 5th grade. No amount of restriction, praise,bribery or anything else worked. He wasn’t a behavior problem, he just wouldn’t work. He took the California State Test and got out of school at 16.5. He went into the Navy at 19 and is doing just fine now.
My daughter struggled to read and just plain struggled for years. In the fifth grade, she almost failed the year, because she gave up even trying to do the work. She seemed to work so much harder than everyone else and didn’t do the quality they did. She had a GREAT 6th grade teacher who reinstalled her motivation and belief in herself. This year, in the 7th grade, she is doing great all by herself. Maybe it was the teacher, maybe she just needed the extra age, I don’t know.
My 2cents from someone who has no kids, but was once a kid himself:
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Have your child’s vision tested. No, not those stupid eye chart screenings in school, a REAL optometrist’s exam. Most reading problems are traced back to poor vision. When I was a child, they thought I had dyslexia so they put me in special reading classes, and I ended up surpassing everyone in reading, scoring 99% on the Iowa tests. Now my optometrist tells me that I have been far-sighted since birth. I had my first real eye exam at age 38, and the optometrist asked me, “when you were young, didn’t you ever have an eye exam?” I said sure I did, our school tested everyone once a year. He said these sorts of exams usually find shortsightedness but not farsightedness. Then he asked me if anyone ever said I had dyslexia. He said I could have avoided all that extra work if I’d just had corrective lenses as a child.
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Read to your kid. I have seen surveys that indicate that the biggest factor in a child’s intellectual development is how much time their parents spend reading to them.
As someone who lives in a country where large-scale standardised basic skills testing has only been introduced fairly recently, I have yet to be convinced of its value.
I can’t help thinking that the sentiments reflected in the above paragraph say much more about your values than they say about your step-daughter. 9 year-olds are children, and young children at that; and it concerns me greatly that your statements imply there is something wrong with a 9 year old who simply wants to be a kid and who isn’t highly focused on achievement.
The very fact that you are her step-parent implies some level of dislocation and disruption in her life over the past few years; quite frankly, the last thing she needs is a relative newcomer in her life demanding that she meet some arbitrary standard (whether yours or that of the basic skills test) in order to not be regarded as a “problem”.
My advice? ** Give this kid a break! ** Find something she is interested in (art, music, rollerblading) and become her mentor in learning to enjoy pursuing an activity just for its own sake and the pleasure it brings.
While I agree with the previous comments regarding reading being a real window to education, remember that reading is about far more than novels and textbooks - be creative. There are plenty of kids websites out there, there are plenty of comic books. Kids recipe books can be used to improve both reading and maths skills. And whacky science experiments are another fun way of learning.
Not all countries demand early literacy, and some systems of education (Steiner, for instance) actively discourage pushing children to develop literacy skills at an early age.
I can’t help thinking that the major hurdle this girl is facing right now is the bell-curve of outside expectations. If you can’t adjust your expectations, then perhaps you should look to involving her in some organisations which are focused on bringing out the best in the individual so she learns to take pride in her achievements whether or not those achievements are ones valued by yourself or the state education board.
As an aside, I’m curious about how much time you spend actually helping this child with her homework, assignments, etc. Do you sit with her on a daily basis giving her guidance, or do you only show an interest at results time? Do you try to find alternative ways of explaining concepts she hasn’t yet mastered, or do you become frustrated because she hasn’t “got” those concepts yet?
The greatest gift you could give this child right now is a couple of hours of your time spent checking the web for the very many child-oriented sites out there which can be used to make learning fun. The second greatest gift you could give her is to chill out and stop looking for labels to apply to her.
I second the person who said she should have her vision checked. If she’s always had bad vision, she doesn’t know anything’s wrong. She can’t understand how everyone reads blurry words, but she can’t explain to you what’s wrong.
From my own life experience:
My brother didn’t learn to read in the first grade. He was so “cute” the teacher let him sit at her desk and color while she taught the other students. He was very lucky, his second grade teacher called my mother and set up meetings to discuss his problems. They eventually took him to a doctor - I want to say some kind of eye doctor - who discovered that he had serious hand-eye coordinations problems.
The doctor gave him several exercises to do. My parents hung a ball from the ceiling, and he had to hit it with a stick. It was my job to teach him to jump rope. My mother taught him to play jacks. All these things improved his coordination.
My parents bribed him to read comic books. I would ask him to read me any word off the cover of a comic book, and I would tell him how well he did.
My brother was very lucky. His teacher didn’t simply decide he was stupid. A doctor was able to find ways for him to improve his coordination. My brother did well in school, and graduated from college.
Now, my own experiences. I did very well in school, but I suffered from headaches and back trouble. I was lucky, these problems didn’t become serious until after college. But many grade school children have undiagnosed health problems.
Don’t hound her, but ask her occasionally how she feels. Does she ever have headaches? Is she tired all the time? You mention that she’s tired. This could be a sign of illness. Children are not lazy. Healthy children run and play. A child who is too tired to play could have Diabetes, Insomnia, or “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”
This website says
http://www.jafc.demon.co.uk/yaonline/docs/melearn.htm - “The effects of having a widely misunderstood illness can be far-reaching. Alienation of the family from the professionals who are trying to help can occur. (Cooper 1997). Dr Alan Franklin, a British paediatrician with a substantial case-load of children with ME, has indeed seen many children who have lost confidence in medical advisers and others, when their problems are not recognised. Children have frequent infections and complain of their symptoms. This, together with the inconsistent and fluctuating nature of this illness makes it understandable that confusion can arise over diagnosis.”
So if this child is listless and confused, she may be ill. Please don’t rule out this possibility. Let us know if she shows any signs of illness. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and other people here have other illnesses, or children with illnesses. If she has any signs of illness, someone here may recognize them.
Maybe she’d like some Choose Your Own Adventure books. I used to love those when I was a kid.
I’m not the Special Education teacher – Mrs. Kunilou is, but she brings enough work home with her that I have seen stuff like this before.
First, you and your wife need to get on the same wavelength. If you can’t come to an agreement on this, your fighting won’t help the child at all. You may want to investigate family or marriage counseling.
But, for the sake of the post, let’s assume that you and your wife can agree to follow up on the low test scores.
Talk to the teacher. Teachers have a pretty good idea whether a child is doing their best or not trying. If the child doesn’t seem to be trying, it might indicate a lack of motivation or a learning problem.
Consider a full evaluation. Sylvan isn’t really set up for this. By a full evaluation, you want to do vision and hearing tests, behavioral evaluation, and finally, evaluation for learning disorders, which can include dyslexia, ADHD and several others. This could take a lot of testing to determine patterns of what she can and can’t do, whether it’s a whole task or individual parts where she has a weakness, etc.
Finally, Mrs. Kunilou is a firm believer that even if every child is not a genius, every child can be motivated and trained to achieve a little more. Work directly with the classroom teacher to find out what things are on the schedule, and then work to enrich the experience with addtional reading, motivation, field trips, etc. A little love wouldn’t hurt, either.
And last but not least, don’t ever tell a group of complete strangers “My kid’s an idiot.” Not only is it offensive to me as a parent, but you act like it’s her fault.
I don’t know if a psychiatric eval. would cover it, but you might want to test her for sensory integration issues. Both of my kids (younger than yours - 5-1/2 and 4) are taking occupational therapy for SI issues, and both have achieved remarkably since starting the OT, particularly in areas of maturity, socialization, coordination and overall self-confidence.
Whatever you end up doing or not, I wish you the best of luck.
Just finished my pediatrics rotation. Saw a lot of problems like this. But I do not have kids myself, so make of this advice what you will.
It is important to make sure vision and hearing are adequate, as others have pointed out. It is possible that the child does have attnetion deficit disorder with or without a hyperactivity component. I think medications like ritalin and dexedrine are overused in the U.S., but they do help many children if this diagnosis can be firmly established by use of Connor testing (for example). There are children who want to learn, children who want to learn and can’t, and children who don’t want to learn and won’t. ADD chiildren are, on the whole, just the middle category. To qualify as ADD, your child must exhibit behaviour showing inattention in more than two different environments (school, home, etc.). It is worth checking this possibility out. A pediatrician or pediatric psychologist has ample experience with this, but it needs to have become manifest before age 7 (according to DSM-IV protocol).
Environmental factors including peers and parental support make a difference. A library card, as Chronos suggested, is a good idea. Not placing too much emphasis on academic success is a better one. I think school performance could probably be improved with professional help. But it is more important to encourage the child with the thinks that they do well, and these don’t have to be “academic” things.
So in answer to your queries:
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Things most decidely are NOT set by age ten.
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See that she has had regular eye and ear exams.
Get more accurate testing from a child psychologist.
This testing should include the Connors scale as well as
other tests.
b. Encourage other interests.
c. Be glad that your child is generally healthy, and consider that being in the 25%, if there are no other causes for this, is not that bad. The child is very capable of success and capable of achieving high goals. -
Sylvan claims “one grade improvement”. I wopuld have to see the child to have a better idea, so would a psychologist or pediatrician.
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Who’s struggle is this? Stigmatizing a child as being chronically challenged probably won’t help matters.
Remember the problem could be language, environmental, sensory, lack of interest, or many other things. Its too complex to deal with over a board. Please see a pediatric psychologist or pediatrician.
Physical issues (vision, neurological disorders, etc.), depression, and learning disabilities can be a big part of what you’re seeing, as already stated. An assessment is in order, and when you get it USE it (don’t ignore it like a friend’s parents did!!). There are SO many problems that can exist that you can easily attribute to family dynamics, intellect, poor habits, etc (as you did in the OP). And those can be part of it, indeed. But so can real physical problems, and also your level of effort as a parent. Yes, you, step-dad of one year.
Parental involvement is the number 1 way to improve a child’s test scores, grades, and attitude - I’ll see if I can find the cite, but IIRC there is clinical evidence of that. Talk to the teachers, ask what things to do and not do. Talk to the curriculum director/developer. Volunteer at school events (or better, during the day, in her class, in the library, in the study hall). Get your behind in there in the trenches. Become an advocate. Use your resources (teachers, school-system assessment services, etc.).
As a step-dad, you may think you don’t have the right to get so involved. But trust me, as a woman with two step-dads (and two step-moms), every parent is critically important. Step parents have the advantage of not ‘having’ to love you for who you are - but if they DO, or they at least RESPECT you, boy, that can make you feel like you are worthwhile in a way that nothing else can… remember, her mom HAS to love her. You technically don’t. So your effort will count differently, if not a little bit more, than her mom’s efforts. My step-dads were incredibly important to me getting good grades, and even for getting an advanced degree. They taught me about self-respect, HOW and WHY to learn (since I had somehow missed that lesson in school), taking responsibility for myself, learning how to enjoy life even if things aren’t going perfectly, having a passion for a topic, wanting to succeed… all those things my mom tried to teach, but which didn’t ‘take’ until someone else reinforced them - and in all those cases, it was a step-dad (of which I have two).
Once you get in there, stop judging and just learn who she is, you will find SOME way to motivate her, even if it is just the demonstrated fact that you care to spend the time, and value her enough to take time away from ‘your’ life to do so. Make her count more than reading the newspaper ‘right now’, or finishing your coffee. She may never be a star student, but you can bet she’ll have a better chance if she thinks you are backing her up instead of looking for her flaws. Read the assessment, ask questions, learn all you can, become an advocate for her and for what she needs. If you don’t get an answer right away, keep looking (a friend of mine only found out after a serious head injury that she had double-vision… her brain was correcting the image, but the process also gave her icky/panicked feelings when she used her eyes in certain ways - now we know why she had such comprehension problems with reading!). And even if she doesn’t improve at all, score-wise, if you’ve spent the time in there at that level, you can’t fail to at least develop some understanding of who she is, and that would be a valuable addition to your relationship. (Give it four years - that’s how long most step-parent/step-child relationships take to work out the kinks, in my experience.)
I figure you’ve had enough smacks with a wet noodle on the ‘idiot’ thing. Good luck. You are in a really prime position to make a difference. Don’t blow it by assuming step-dads don’t count. You aren’t a replacement for her previous dad, but you are not replacable, either.
OK - three sites you might want to check out which my 8 year old enjoys enormously :
All have dedicated kids sections which are educational and fun, as well as being well designed and extremely easy to navigate.
My daughter also accesses a couple of “enclosed domain” message boards and chatrooms which are specifically designed for primary school children - I’ll get the specific URLs for them and post them here.
One thing I forgot to mention is that the basic skills and ELLA tests conducted during years 3, 5, and 7 here are designed to measure the effectiveness of the education system in achieving desired outcomes - they aren’t designed to measure the intelligence or competence of individual students. It might be worth checking what the purpose of the BST conducted on your stepdaughter was.
And much as I dislike the American tendency to diagnose and label everything which doesn’t fit some arbitrary standard of “normal”, I agree with the posts above which have suggested a competent evaluation of possible physical problems (primary school kids here have their hearing, eyesight and dental health checked every second year), if only to exclude the possibility of some physiological cause.
While all of this is being organised and taking place, try to simply enjoy your stepdaughter for who she is now and stop worrying about who you would like her to become.