My son has been attending TotTime since he turned three; he’ll be five in September. The first year was really great, there were a couple of boys that he made friends with and all was good. We’d get together with these friends outside of school as well. One in particular, I’ll call him Anthony, has a mom who was a bit IMO overprotective and had him way overscheduled, but, whatever, he was/is a sweet little boy and I just adore him. Before the second year of school started his mom put him into another pre-school that was more academic. His other good friend, I’ll call him Alex, also went on to another school. Bryan made some other friends during the second year, but nothing even approaching the great rapport he has with these two little boys. I guess we’d say these two boys are his favorite friends.
Now, my son and Alex are fairly good friends. We have a playdate once or twice a month and his mom works really hard to keep things going. She’ll invite us to tag along with her and her three kids to (free!)movies, the community pool, or up to their house to play (they’ve got a BOUNCY HOUSE!!). She brings Alex to my house and either drops him and his little sister (older boy is in school) off to run errands or stays and we’ll enjoy a nice intelligent chat. I really like her, and feel, well, thrilled that she’s found a way to allow the boys a continuing friendship. It’s all good.
So, of course, they’re moving away. Quickly. Like within the next month. I’m sad that my boy will be losing a good friend, but more selfishly that I’m losing a great communication link. It’s not exactly easy to find people of similar intelligence and interests. We could discuss just about anything and I’d walk away learning something. I have a lot of respect for her and will deeply miss what I consider a friendship. I think though that other moms consider these “friendships” as just a side effect of their kids being sociable. IOW, not really a friend, but an acquaintance. That’s kind of hard for me, I need friends. Badly, since last year in August I so offended my best friend of 15 years that she no longer talks to me much.
After finding out that Alex was moving away I contacted Anthony’s mom. She’s been very friendly on the surface but has rebuffed many attempts at scheduling playdates in this year since he changed schools. I think in that first school year we might have had five or six outside of school get-togethers. Anthony’s been to my house to play and my son has been to Anthony’s house. We’ve met at the pool and the park and such. Whenever my son and Anthony meet up now at parties or somesuch it’s quite clear that they like each other. Of all the kids at any given party, these two gravitate together. They joke, play and really enjoy each other.
Anthony’s mom, in denying my several attempts for play has made me feel less than great with the situation. The day I found out Alex was moving I emailed Anthony’s mom about an upcoming party and to lament the loss of Alex and his mom. The actual reason for the email was to request the return of some kid’s software I gave Anthony 1.5 years ago and test the waters. I asked if maybe my son could accompany them sometime when they go to the pool, since my connection to the pool had been Alex. I also made friendly small talk, but acknowledged that I thought she wanted distance because of her lack of interest in the playdates. It was a NICE email, really.
She never responded. And Alex’s birthday party was approaching and I knew I’d be seeing her. Further, she knew she’d be seeing me. I seethed each day that she couldn’t deign to even email me back. My questions apparently got pushed away because she didn’t want to deny my pool request. Didn’t even have the decency to lie. Just ignored the whole thing. She has a history with me of ignoring questions that she doesn’t want to answer.
So, at the party last Sunday when she arrived she gave me that phony squeaky-high voice saying “Hi!” like absolutely nothing had occurred. I said, in monotone, “good morning”. When I saw Anthony though, I showed him how happy I was to see him and fawned a bit. I really do like the kid. He calls me by my name and seeks my attention. Anyway, his mom and I didn’t talk at all during the party with the exception of three sentences while I was helping her mop up some soda she spilled on the tile floor. And those sentences were along the lines of how our own floors could use such attention. Nothing personal at all. I know that if I had fawned over her upon their arrival that we probably would have sat together and chatted. I chose not to, thinking I’d allow her the room to approach me. She chose not to. We’d smile at each other in passing, but geez, to someone not knowing, they’d think we were strangers. When we were getting ready to leave, Anthony says to me “Stop! We have something for you!”. Okay, I wait and his mom pulls out the game as I’d requested. I said thanks. We left.
I can’t believe how angry I got at this woman. Granted, they must have much more money than we, their home is probably worth a million plus. They live in an area of snobby people, this fact was noted in the local newspaper recently when the residents objected to their housing tract being referred to as part of a certain fire district. Stupid, it was. But there it was.
I sent an email telling her how I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t worthy of even a reply and why she didn’t want the kids to be friends. I told her it smelled of elitism and for god’s sake just ignoring someone isn’t the considerate thing to do. Shame on her. Too fucking good for me. Beeyatch.
There, now MAYBE I can let this go. It’s been eating on me for so long I’m surprised I have any extremities left.
Thanks for your support!