Every time I sit here and read posts where people detail how they got witnessed to, I get so jealous because nobody ever comes to my house! Maybe it’s because I got three big dogs and the front of our house is a mess…
UNTIL NOW!
Oh, how I wish I had a tape recorder. “Do you embrace life?” “no.” “What do you look forward to?” “Death.” “Do you have a name?” “No.” “Are you aware that your entire faith is based on circular reasoning?” (Wish, wish, WISH I had said that. The two women who came to my door were talking about using the Bible to interpret the Bible, which seems a little … well, circular.) “Do you live here?” “Among other places.” “When would be a good time to come back?” “Iunno. I keep a pretty erratic schedule.”
Aside from the fact that this woman was very well trained in the art of never taking a breath or allowing a word in edgewise, it was most interesting. “We use the Bible as our sword … it says in the Bible to use it as a sword.” At least she was willing to admit all the atrocities that have been committed in the name of said sword, but still. It looked as though she’d been trained in the manner of the Teflon Man.
All those techniques I’d read about here … gone out the window. I have failed you all.
Back about 3 years ago, word got around the neighborhood that the JW’s were going to be coming through doing their witnessing thing. My roommate and I got prepared, so that when they rang the doorbell, the JW’s were greeted by the sight of 2 half naked people with blood on their lips, with many, many, many candles burning in the background. We didn’t exactly invite them in, as we said that we were in the middle of a “mass,” but they said they would like to join us.
That attitude changed real quick when they saw the huge upside down crucifix and the satanic altar with all of the usual accoutremants.
The best part was that they left the neighborhood and the area was never bothered by JW’s again.
I had a couple of JW’s knock on my door about a year ago. I did what any good Catholic girl would do…
Grabbed my Bible and went into combat. Matched them verse for verse.
One of the ladies said, “I can tell by the way you are answering me that you’re a Mormom” :rolleyes:
I couldn’t believe it. Nothing I had said to them could even be remotely interpreted as Mormon doctrine. I think what led them to think I was a Mormon was the fact that I was actually able to grab a Bible and match them verse for verse… Something Mormons are trained to do, but most Catholics aren’t.
Were they Jehovas? I’ve never had A JW come to my door. Only a set of Mormons. Once. I tried having an intelligent conversation, but apparently it ended on an open note (much to my dismay) because they kept returning. :mad:
They were indeed JWs. I couldn’t figure out from the doctrine they were spouting what particular brand of anything they were, so I just up and asked 'em what they were. They were going on about death and how we don’t know what comes after death (and I resisted the urge to say "mainly because nobody has ever come back to tell us.).
The woman who talked was not very much into quoting scripture (or even talking about how Jesus loves me…) so much as saying “this tract will give you the answer”.
Reminds me … she started talking about this tract she had and IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY! I thought “Sweet Jesus, a Chick Tract! Oh man, and I get to refute it right before their eyes!”
No Chick Tract:( Shoulda expected as much from a JW, I guess, but still…this whole witnessing thing was not nearly as much fun as I wish it’d been.
She promised she’d return later…but so far, no knock on the door. If she comes back, however, does anyone have suggestions? I’m a bit old and traveled (in her eyes, anyway) to do what my sister does to telemarketers (“Where do babies come from?”).
And Guin…I ain’t got a colostomy bag, if that helps.[sub]Ewwy, I know, but that’s whatcha get fer bringin’ it up:p[/sub]
This happened partially by accident to an old boyfriend of mine, but you could try to set it up on purpose. You see, the lad was working as a security guard at the time, and his girlfriend was visiting when two JW’s stopped by. Now, this is a somewhat scary-looking individual, 6 foot 3, 3 feet wide at the shoulders, and so much hair on his body I swear there’s a bear somewhere in his family tree. He’s devout Catholic, but enjoys discussing religion and hates being witnessed too. When the JW’s rang the bell, he answered the door in jeans and a black t-shirt, dropped his voice down an octave and said “Fools! Don’t you know you’ve interupted a very important ritual?” What he hadn’t planned on was his girlfriend coming down the stairs, wearing the handcuffs, asking if he could get her out of them. :eek:
The JW’s left him alone for a long time after that!
When: Saturday, late morning
Where: My house
What: Cars parked in the driveway and side of the road. Everyone is sitting around the tables prepared to start an all-day D&D session. Another knock on the door. Everyone’s here, so who could that be? One of our friends opens the door, I get up, and two nice older ladies are standing there. After asking if we’d gotten a Jesus video in our mailbox, we said no (a lie). Then they ask if we want one. No. Then they start witnessing.
On the very tip of my tongue was to tell them that we were about to play Dungeons and Dragons and ask if they wanted to join in the “rituals,” but nice me decided to simply interrupt them and tell them we had company at the moment.
I have failed you all.
