I think one of the problems here is the fact that she moved away. I think even if she manages to break free, she’ll feel obligated to stay due to lack of choice, etc. I’m not saying that this is certain but it’s just another weighing down factor.
That was a signal that you’re supposed to start running. Immediately.
As usual, the sanest and most sound advice is from pbbth.
I do feel awful for your ruined birthday, OP. Here’s to hoping next one is better 
Even though the boyfriend’s behavior over the FB posting is the biggest issue, the issue that she came to complain about – that she didn’t get presents or cards or dinner on her actual birthday – is rather silly. She talked to her mother and sister on the phone, and presumably got verbal birthday wishes. She got birthday wishes via FB. She already opened up several presents from her boyfriend, including a baseball game. All that seems like a reasonable amount of attention to get on one’s birthday.
Because of the fight sparked by an irrationally jealous boyfriend over a Facebook posting. OK, she had no control over the Post Office getting cards to her on time, but the lack of dinner and fuss on her actual birthday was the result of someone else spoiling it and frankly, I think she’s got a good basis for complaining even about that.
Klaxon alarms are ringing in my ears.
Really, really loud ones.
He doesn’t want you adding male co-workers to your friends list until he knows and approves of them? Oh, sister, you got problems.
For someone mature, yes. For someone still into presents n’ cake n’ birthday parties…no.
Okay, I’m not currently home. I’m sitting in a Starbucks online, dealing with BoyfriendDrama. I don’t really want to get into it right now, but we can leave it at, this all really sucks. Thank you for all the advice though. It’s really very much appreciated.
But I’d like to just say that I wasn’t having a spoiled fit about “Waaaa, I didn’t get ponies and a party!” I just wanted a happy birthday with smiles, not crying. I also wanted to whine a little about it where no one knew me. It’s hard to talk about this kind of thing when you know people and feel like they are judging you for what’s going on in your personal life. That kind of impression is hard to shake.
At least by sharing on here, I can’t be forever and ever associated as, “Meg who wanted a nice birthday and then got crabby because she didn’t!”
I know, and most people here aren’t even thinking that- there’s always going to be a couple of empathy-challenged grumps to point that out, but most of us feel for you for not having a nice birthday. Which I think everyone deserves.
So, what about your boyfriend? What’s going on with that? Do you see the red flags? Sorry, I’m nosy!:o
I’m torn here - pbbth is saying very good things, and no, we can’t tell anything really from a couple of things posted on the internet. Just know that your boyfriend is acting badly with the unreasonable jealousy (my ex once started a fight with me because he saw my first name with another man’s name in some graffiti on a bridge - does that sound normal to you?) - it’s not flattering or a sign of true love, but a sign of insecurity. This is something for the two of you to work on, and it sure doesn’t sound like it’s all your fault.
On the plus side, once you’ve dated someone like that, you can learn some really good lessons about what you WON’T put up with in the future.
ETA: Where the heck are my manners? Happy Birthday! 
How ever did we get our daily dose of drama before Facebook came along? :rolleyes:
I’ve been worried that he would see this thread and get angry. Is that it?
Happy Belated Birthday!
I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. You could have been describing a day in my life. I hope today is a better day.
I’m not worried about that. While I know that he wouldn’t be happy about me putting too much of this relationship business online, I have been trying to be as Fair and Unbalanced (thank you, Fox News) as possible. I really don’t think I can be faulted for writing about my feelings, even if they aren’t all sugarplum fairies.
Well, I didn’t think you could be faulted for someone wishing you happy birthday on FB or glancing at men (who you know, are everywhere and often annoyingly wander into line of sight).
Off topic, but it sounds like we really need some “Share your crazy but hilarious ex stories”. Not sad ones, like “he was an alcoholic” or “she slept with people behind my back” but downright funny ones, like that.
I once had an ex’s parents “accidentally” run into me so they could check me out.
Moving on…
Have to agree with the consensus here that your boyfriend sounds like he is just a touch of the totally fucking insane.
My boyfriend doesn’t get to tell me who I can be friends with on facebook. If he did I would throw him out on his ear. I also think it is pretty jerkish for him to spoil your birthday with a stupid childish hissy fit over facebook. It’s very inconsiderate to be so focused on himself on your big day.
My boyfriend actually does have a friend from back home who has made some pitiful attempts to hit on him on facebook and I find it funny - because I know it’s not a threat to our relationship, and if he did have the poor judgement to leave me for that hag, well good riddance because I could find someone just as good or better. Secure, awesome people don’t go into these petty jealous rages. This is a good indicator you’re dealing with an immature asshole.
That’s kind of the bottom line. If you’re 26, I’ll assume he’s of a similar age - he’s far too old to be doing this grade school shit.
and if giving up your home and your family and moving a thousand miles away for him isn’t enough to assuage his insecurity, nothing you can do will ever be enough. He will continue to feel this way, and continue to look for reasons why it’s your fault, and it will only get worse no matter how far you twist yourself out of shape for him.
I’m a person who doesn’t expect much of a big deal on my birthday, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t say “We’re having this stupid fight? On my birthday? This SUCKS!” This past year I was barfy sick on my birthday. It sucked! GAH!
But that’s just one of those straw on a camel things. The bigger issue is definitely one of trust and respect within your relationship. We can’t expect everyone to be 100% secure and free of any and all jealousies 100% of the time, of course. But when I see that I’m being jealous or insecure, that’s my deal. I should talk to my partner about what I’m feeling, but that doesn’t make it his responsibility to make me secure. Sure, some partners seem determined to make their alleged loved ones less secure, but for the most part, we’re all responsible for our own happiness and we need to find ways of controlling our worst impulses lest we end up manipulating or controlling others in the name of our comfort.