Since the Do-Not-Call list was shot down by some bizarro-thinking judges, I’ve been giving some thought as to what to do when telemarketers call. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
Option 1: Put the phone down and see how long it takes them to hang up.
Option 2: Scream as loud as I can into the phone.
Option 3: Start having a converstaion with the three other voices I’m hearing as the telemarketer speaks to me.
Option 4 (Incidentally, the one I chose to use for the call I just got): Just hang up the phone without a word.
Option 5: Get an airhorn and blow it in the phone when they call.
Option 6: Engage in phone sex.
Option 7: Ask for their home number so I can call them back at a better time, say around dinnertime.
Option 8: Start farting and burping at short intervals into the phone.
Option 9: As soon as they start talking, tell them your favorite conspiracy theory in detail.
Option 10 (the most boring and least satisfying, but probably the wisest one) Tell them to put you on their own DNC list, since they won’t abide by the one we signed up for, as if that weren’t enough to give them a clue that we just don’t want to be bothered.
So, it is to be war between us. I want to be armed. The floor is open for your suggestions.