My niece is to be interviewed by Harvard- I don't think she should go

In My Humble Opinion
1

My brother’s daughter is a senior in high school. She’s never had a grade less than an A. My brother majorly wants her to go to Harvard or Princeton or some other Ivy League northern school. I think he’s out of his flipping mind.

I think the girl is intelligent- don’t get me wrong- though frankly nothing about her strikes me as especially gifted. Basically she’s reasonably intelligent with a really strong work ethic. However, she also goes to a public school in South Alabama where half the students come from homes that are at or below the poverty level and the teachers for the most part are- let’s just say, “not the elite”.

She has lived all of her life in this city of 10,000 people. The nearest large city is 50 miles away (and is Dothan, AL, once voted in the bottom 3 cities in America). Her father (my brother) is a very well to do pharmacist with an income in the low to mid six figures which in that city is enough for a mansionette, lakehouse, country club, the works. My brother actually calls himself the "King of A_____a (the town where they live). When my niece was 10 years old it wasn’t uncommon for her to carry hundreds of dollars in her wallet and when she turned 16 she was given a new SUV.

I have major issues with my niece going away to Princeton or Harvard or some other equally prestigious school. For one thing, almost all freshmen have adjustment problems and I think she will have more than most. She’ll be going to a place (wherever she goes) where for the first time in her life people don’t know her daddy and where he has very limited pull (only that his checkbook can exercise).

If she goes to Harvard or Princeton (many unhatched chickens, I know, but…) it’s going to be an adjustment because instead of being the princess of Never-heard-of-it-ville AL (she has a thick southern accent, btw, which also concerns me) she’ll be with students whose daddies rule countries and own Fortune 200 companies rather than successful smalltown pharmacies. She’ll go from a school where she’s been able to more or less coast to one where she’s running with the fastest of the fast dogs and from a town where the main drug abuse is by seniors with double prescriptions to a metropolis with every kind of vice imaginable.

I don’t think she’s ready. I think a year or two at a state or at least a decent prestitious private university would be MUCH better for her. My brother, however, though he’s so straight he looks eerily like Bill Clinton, is more of a status and label whore than any gay man I’ve ever known and has said since he was a teenager he wants his kids to go to the Ivy League schools.

Oh well, it’s not my call, but I think it’s the wrong move. Any opinions?

2

Is Kirsten Dunst going to play her in the movie?

3

If she’s reasonably intelligent, as you say, then any doubts you may be having she’s probably also having in spades.

There’ll be adjustment issues, and snobs, and some major reality checks for her, but she’d encounter the same at any school. An Ivy League school will present a huge challange, but if she doesn’t at least give it a try then she’ll spend the rest of her life wondering if she would have made it. All you can do as the uncle is give her encouragement and support.

Also, is this the school she really wants to go to or is she doing this to please Daddy? Because if she’s only doing it to please Daddy then you’re right, it’s a huge mistake. She’s almost an adult and she needs to start planning her future based on what’s right for her, not on her parents desires.

4

Heh heh…

5

I think you’re letting the name get to you. The fact is there are plenty of mediocre minds at Harvard and also plenty of people who came from underprivileged backgrounds. There are people from other countries who struggle with language issues as well. The reality is that while MIT has a reputation for being academically overwhelming, Harvard does not. If she works hard, she’ll do fine unless she expects to still be the valedictorian or if she lets herself be intimidated by prestige and power - but that’s not a function of Harvard, that’s a function of her own insecurities.

6

One amendment. I neglected Princeton. Princeton *does * have a rep for being socially high-pressured (or at least it did around 10 to 15 years ago when the people I knew went there - with the dining clubs or whatever they called them). But most of the other Ivies much less so. Many (most?) of these kids do come from middle class backgrounds, in fact - so while there’s the occasional child of a prime minister, etc. it’s certainly not the majority.

7

I don’t know your niece, but from what you explained I think I would encourage her to go to Harvard or Princton if she were able.

It sounds as though she is probably used to being the one of the most privilaged and smartest people around. The world is a big place. Learning that there are people who have more and are smarter than she is is something that I would think she should learn sooner rather than later.

She would also get to experience a whole lot of things that she couldn’t in a smaller school.

Having said that, it would also depend on her maturity level. That I cannot make a judgement on obviously.

Slee

8

Actually, she should fit in, shouldn’t she? Besides, there are lots of people, like my friend, who went to Harvard and was far less spoiled than your niece.

9

I think your letting your preconceptions of Harvard get in the way here. The fact is, your description of your niece applies pretty much to every other freshman there. I went there from a small town where everyone knew my father (he was the high school French teacher). I was one of the top brains in my school and suddenly found myself with one roommate who’d already been composing symphonies and another whose father had won the Fields Prize. Downstairs was the son of a famous actor (“Laugh-a while you can, monkey boy!”) and elsewhere was the daughter of the Aga Khan.

And they were all just as intimidated and nervous as I was.

The school organized a lot of fun, silly activities during the first week designed to get as many people to meet as many other people as possible, and we all realized pretty quickly that there wasn’t anybody who could have enough status, brains, money or family pull to be the center of everything. I think that made a lot of people get over themselves (or at the very least, it gave the rest of us plenty of friendly, down-to-earth people to hang out with). We were also housed in dorms that had one bathroom for every 25 people, and trying to shower, shit and brush your teeth in the middle of a crowd every morning tends to level the playing field in a big way. You make friends with some, with some you don’t, and as classes and assignments start taking up more of your time, who did what or knows who really fades into the background.

While there are a number of students at Harvard with famous, wealthy parents and who have built fusion reactors in the basement, the vast majority are just ordinary kids who did really well in high school, and whom the admissions board thinks will do well there.

10

Forgive me for putting a damper on things, but I wonder if she can even get into Harvard (or Princeton, etc.) in the first place. If your description of her is apt – smart, but not necessarily gifted – that doesn’t sound like enough to get in, unless she has an extraordinary resume otherwise. A cousin of mine was a classic golden child – smart and gifted, incredibly involved, great SAT scores, primed from birth, the whole shebang – and he was wait-listed. Granted, he was from an area where lots of people appy to Harvard, which probably put him at a disadvantage – your niece, being from Alabama, will have at least one thing going for her, considering how colleges like geographic diversity.

On the one hand, it would be nice if your niece could go to a school where she could be given a dose of reality – either somewhere like Harvard where no one gives a shit, or, on the other extreme, somewhere like West Point, where no one really gives a shit. Of course, no parent would send their kid for that kind of shock treatment. So, in actuality, I think she should consider one of the smaller, yet prestigious liberal arts colleges. They don’t have the same name-recognition as universities do with the average man-on-the-street, but “people in the know” (employers, grad schools) have mostly heard of them, and I think they’ve been kind of marketing themselves as more caring, personal alternatives to big-name schools – might be perfect for your niece. If she went to one of those, she could aim at going to an Ivy League for grad school.

11

I went to an Ivy League university after growing up in a tiny Southern town where very few people go to any type of college.I think she will be fine. I also think that she, not you, or us, or her parents should make the decision. She is a big girl now and it is her life.

12

I think it could be the best thing for her.

If SHE wants to go, and Harvard wants her–why not?

13

It’s prejudicial against your niece to think that she won’t succeed because she’s a “hick from the sticks”.

But at least you realize it’s none of your business.

14

From your description, it sounds like the best thing that could happen to her is to get accepted at Harvard.

15

Apologies, I thought I had started a new thread. Would a mod be so kind as to clean up my mess?

Thanks…

16

Let’s not forget that George W. Bush went to Yale. Fastest of the fast dogs indeed.

17

It seems to me that if she wants to go, and she gets accepted, then she will either rise to the challenge and succeed, or she will fail. Either way it’s HER decision and nobody else’s.

18

I agree with the other posts here. You don’t have to be Albert Einstein or John D. Rockefeller to go to Harvard or Princeton (I know this from personal experience).

There are snobby people everywhere, not just at Harvard. Do you want your niece to stay in Alabama her entire life?? If she WANTS to go to Harvard and if she’s accepted, let her go!!! Cambridge is a great place to live!!!

That being said, I did my undergrad at Cornell. One of the reasons I chose it was because it’s a very mixed environment. There are plenty of people from various background to meet and hang out with and learn from there, and it’s a large campus, so you’re not in a little pressure cooker.

19

Yeah – everything you think about the Ivy League is wrong. It’s just the same as evey other college. There’s plenty of kids there from pedestrain backgrounds and public schools. Me, for instance. Your niece won’t be rooming with someone whose daddy runs a country – there are many more kids there whose parents own a successful small-town pharmacy than those who own a leer jet. If the school lets her in, she’s good enough to succeed there, and she’ll have better opportunities coming out than from anywhere else she might end up. So, in short, get over yourself.

–Cliffy

20

College difficulty is way overrated, but I’d ask why she wants to spend the equivalent of an house to go to Harvard. I can’t think of a single reason why a good state college can’t suffice; in my experience, elite degrees matter only at the graduate level.

As an anecdote: I almost made the mistake of going to Semielite school for my BS, which would’ve incurred 80K of student debts, and the program lasted 5 years. The work was easy, but other circumstances forced me to transfer. I went to Two-Bit school and was able to graduate in 3 years. I went back to SemiElite school for a MS. So, for far less money and for the same amount of time it would’ve taken to get a BS from SemiElite school, I was able to get a MS from SemiElite school by going to TwoBit school.