I would like to start off by apologising if any of you find this post too long or too hard to understand, because I have extremely poor english skills. If you don’t have much patience, then I recommend you skip my post.
I have only registered recently, so not many of you would recognise me. It may be true that I haven’t been here long enough to post what I am about to, but seeing what has been happening to several posters, I would like to make my own comments (and assumptions). Most of you should realise that several posters have felt the need to leave the SDMB community, either because they felt too offended by someone, or they felt that they have been treated unfairly or too harshly.
I realise that it would be possible that most of you would disagree with me, and it may also be likely that none of you will agree with me, but please don’t feel too offended if I end up having a different opinion from you.
I don’t think I should mention specific names just yet, but I understand that most of you would have at least once fallen into one of the following categories:
[ul]
[li]The attacker.[/li][li]The attacked.[/li][li]The defender of either the attacker or the attacked.[/li][li]The rest of the crowd that can’t be bothered to take sides (who probably at the same time has fun watching all the bashing and trashing).[/li][/ul]
My opinion is that:
[ul]
[li]People shouldn’t take posts or replies too personally. As this is only a MB, the only form of communication is through typing and posting. We do not have sufficient ability to accurately determine another’s intention, purpose, or even the message they want to convey. That is already difficult IRL where we have more means of communication, let alone on the Internet.[/li][li]Their intention may simply be to state their own opinions, to be sincere in understanding yours, to explain their views, to reinforce their position, to have some fun, to waste time, to make an idiot out of themselves, or even to try their hardest to irritate you. Their message may or may not be relevant, honest, true, or intentional. Whatever it may be, we cannot be too sure. But what we can be sure of is, we sometimes get it wrong.[/li][li]Sometimes the other person’s intention may be different from what you percieve it to be. Especially the case when it is on a subject in which you are particularly interested, knowledgeable, or sensitive about. Most often than not, you would feel less offended after the issue has been let to cool down, and you may even find some acceptable arguments from the other person.[/li][li]You simply do not know enough about the other poster to make a judgement as to whether they have deliberately offended you, or were simply honest in stating their opinions (which somehow managed to clash with your own views).[/li][li]I am not assuming that all the posters have good intentions, but sometimes, what you feel as offensive might not be the case if you can transform yourself to an outside party of the argument.[/li][li]Or to another extreme, what if that other person happened to be a person you loved and cared about? When you have a difference of opinions between people such as family members, you would tend to try and understand their views, and in some cases, come to accept the fact that they might be right in certain aspects overall (even if it happens to be a really small minor point that they have made). Even though you may not love/care about the other poster (who has offended you), it is true that you spend less time to evaluate whether they are truly as wrong as you think they are - than if it happened between family members etc.[/li][li]If you feel too offended (whether the other person meant it or not), you have the choice of ignoring them. It may even be that you are not on opposite sides of the argument, but because you are in the heat of the argument, you would inevitably feel that the other is always unjustified in their claims. Calm down, leave the topic for a while, and you will feel less need to be as defensive.[/li][li]At other times, it may be that the other person did in fact have a bad/stupid intention. But I feel you should not be affected by such immaturity if that was the case. Let’s suggest this happened in your workplace, or in your local neighbourhood. I doubt you would go to the extreme of taking another job or moving houses, if someone happened to offend you on a single topic. Ignoring these people is sometimes the most effective way to avoid being affected by them. What they probably want is attention, and why give it to them? I’m sure other people deserve your attention more than someone who is immature enough to try and offend you on purpose. These people are wasting their own time - but don’t let them waste yours![/li][li]It is a fact that people have different opinions. This is one fact that can never be changed. In some cases, it is very obvious who has the correct opinion, but in other cases, it is not as clear cut. If it happens to be a sensitive issue to you, I think you should just ignore the offensive comments, and continue doing what you normally do.[/li][li]You have learned to accept differences of opinions IRL, why not learn to do that here as well? Afterall, I do believe that the SDMB community should partially reflect your real life community. IRL, there are different people with different views (some good people + some bad people, some with good intentions + some with bad intentions, some who are harmful + some who are harmless etc). The same applies here.[/li][li]If you have already stated your own opinions, explained why you disagree with the other person, and have provided enough support for your claims - and that person still doesn’t understand or is still deliberately attacking you - there is no further need to waste your time on them. There is also no need to leave because of a single matter. They are only one of the many posters we have here. But they should have less influence on you than those who you have enjoyed exchanging posts with. Stay for those who you like, and ignore those who you dislike.[/li][li]You are only spending a portion of your time in here, so why let others affect you that much? At least on a MB you get the choice of whether or not to respond, of whether or not to read the offensive comments, and also of whether or not to be affected by others. IRL, you do not have as much freedom in such choices. Take advantage of what you can or can’t do here.[/li][li]If the other poster was deliberately trying to piss you off, I would definitely suggest you should not let them win over you. They hardly even know you. Why should you let them continue having the fun of participating in this MB, when you are going to sacrifice yourself? I’m sure most of you have enjoyed this MB (as much as I have).[/li][li]I haven’t been here long enough to judge correctly, but I have enjoyed most of your posts. I’m sure most people would feel pity that you have to leave us. I find that leaving the MB is unecessary. Just count, if you have more people who want you here than the people who want you to leave - that is enough reason to make you stay. Even if there was only one person who liked reading your posts, I feel that is justified enough to continue posting here as you have always done so.[/li][li]Just think of all the posters who you have created true friendships with here (actually, I haven’t really - but I’m sure you have). Sometimes, getting to know one person long enough is important. Other times, little/small/irrelevant matters should not affect you in continuing to grow your knowledge/friendship base over here.[/li][li]You should do what you want. You registered here, because you wanted to become a part of SDMB. It may be that you cannot stand a certain poster, but they have no right or ability to kick you out of here, do they?[/li][li]Final point is, suppose it is only the case where they are either deliberately offending you or accidentally offending you. Either way, you should not leave. If they are deliberately offending you - why amuse them further by leaving. On the other hand, if they only accidentally offended you - it is only a misunderstanding and not worth the fuss.[/li][/ul]
Thanx for reading such a long comment of mine. I admit this thread is extremely pointless, but since I’ve already typed all this out, I might as well post it, and let it disappear into the pile of history threads. In fact this has ended up being way longer than I intended it to be - but I have a problem with words - I don’t know how to be precise and succinct. Hopefully I will learn one day. I just reread several points, and saw myself repeating myself, and going offtrack at times. But since this is not an essay, I can’t be bothered to fix it up.
You might feel the urge to criticise what I have said, but please don’t feel offended by me- cos I mean no harm to anyone. All I think is that this MB is a truly useful and entertaining MB. It deserves to be kept this way. And everyone has the right to make use of it and to be entertained by it.
Oke, I just skimmed through my post briefly again. What i’ve said sounds really stupid. I think I’ve just made a fool out of myself. This must be my longest post ever. And I thought I would end up doing just a few paragraphs. Sorry everyone.