My roommate is ignorant

The BBQ Pit
1

I have just been confronted with some of the most staggering ignorance that has ever graced my presence. Here’s how it happened:

While flipping through the channels, my roommate and I came across an Animal Planet special tonight on the world’s strongest animals. It was basically a top ten list. Naturally, we placed bets as to which animal was number one (I guessed elephant, he guessed ant - turned out to be rhinocerous beetle with elephant and ant coming in two and three respectively). Once it became apparent that we had both lost and wishing to continue gambling, we each took another guess at number one during the commercial break. He guessed hippo, I guessed whale. We will now take a look at the ensuing conversation:

Him: Oooh…good guess. I was thinking about guessing whale but I wasn’t sure it counted as an animal.

Me: What? Are you serious or are you an idiot?

Him: (starting to laugh a little) I’m being serious.

Me: (knowing he likes to play games like this, I think he’s joking) Yeah, I didn’t think you were that ignorant.

Him: No, I’m really being serious. Are whales considered animals?

Me: stares blankly

Me: still staring blankly

Me: What the hell else would they be?? A plant??

Him: Well, no.

Me: OK then, I guess they’re animals, huh?

Him: I guess.

Him: Wait, are fish considered animals then, too?

Me: momentarily struck dumb

Him: laughs nervously

Me: Yes! Of course they’re animals!!!

Him: That’s funny. Whenever I think of fish, I never think of them being an animal.

Me: You are such an idiot. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.

Him: Why? It just never occurred to me that they were animals. What about mammals? What are they?

Me: Didn’t you take biology??!!

Him: Yeah, but I never really paid much attention.

Me: I’m staggered by your ignorance. Truly stunning.

Him: So mammals are animals then?

Me: Yes! Yes they’re animals!!! Why would you think they weren’t?

Him: Well, I figured they were. Then I remembered that whales were mammals so then I figured maybe mammals weren’t animals since I didn’t think whales were.

Me: Are you joking?

Him: No!

I then proceeded to explain the hierarchy of organisms to him. Stopping periodically to ask him if he was serious. He kept saying he was. But I am having a hard time believing he could be this ignorant. And it is completely within his nature to pull a joke of this sort. But now I just don’t know what to think.

Oh yes. He also has a Bachelor’s and is currently a cop with Arlington County.

I’m so confused. I hate my roommate.

2

Does he think a pig is an animal?

[sub]I’m sorry. I’m so terribly terribly sorry.[/sub]

Seriously, I’ve known people like that. It’s downright scary.

3

Even smart peope have mental hiccups like that.

4

people,too

5

This wasn’t a hiccup, so much as a mental gag.

6

I once asked a question that was AT LEAST that dumb to my husband while we were in college. I cannot believe to this day that he married me. It was so dumb that I literally cannot reveal it here (and I’ve posted about shitting my pants, so that’s saying something)

It happens, man. It sounds like he got the words “animal” and “mammal” all twisted up in his brain.

7

I remember the day when I taught my former college roommate that a bull and a cow were the same species of animal.

8

Ask him if he thinks humans are animals. I bet your head will explode.

9

I remember when I had to clarify for the Evil Ex Roommate that Egypt was in Africa and England was in Europe.

10

You want to hear a story? My 7th grade science teacher told the class that humans weren’t animals because God had given us a soul. And that women had one more rib than men did. And told us that you could get AIDS if a gay man spit on you. Hooray having coaches teach.

11

Yeah, I know it happens. But still.

Anyway, as long as we are sharing stories, I have more. Although these are different friends.

Friend 1: I’m half Indian. My dad is from India.

Random Girl: I don’t believe you. You lie so much, I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth.

Friend 1: No, really…I’m half Indian.

Me: Oh come on. If your dad was really Indian your skin would be darker and your last name would be Patel or something (yes, I know it was stereotypical, that’s the joke)

Friend 2: Yeah, and your dad would be named Abdul.

::momentary silence::

Me and Friend 1 begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Then there was the Spain mixup where Friend 2 insisted that everyone in Spain is happy because they all live on the beach. When we tried to point out that many people live in the mountains nowhere near the beach, he insisted that they have to because they are surrounded by the ocean.

The most irritating thing is that these people are so smart in their respective fields. Friend 2 is really smart when it comes to his field of architecture. The lesson is that knowledge doesn’t always transfer.

Plus, I think they do it because they know it bugs me. Bastards.

12

Perhaps not quite as boneheaded as guy in the OP, but my roommate stunned me yesterday with this humdinger: “Hey, when we bombed Nagasaki and Hiroshima, was that world war one or two?”

:smack:

13

God, how stupid can you be. Everyone knows that whales are classified as fungi.

I miss conversations like that. Back when I had roomates I was living with one guy from Seoul and another from Lyon, France (I think). Anyway, we were having a couple of beers one night, and for some reason we were talking about birth rates and the sexes. So Sebastien comes out with something to the effect of “Well, it is well known that when a pregnant woman is well fed and has clean living conditions, she is more likely to have a boy, while she is more likely to give birth to a girl if she is poorly nourished and lives in squalor.”

Absolutely fucking staggering. How do you respond to something like that? So Tommy, who had recently graduated first in his class in biology and was headed for med school, ever so politely, bless his heart, says “Actually, I believe that in certain species of reptiles it is the case that environmental conditions play a part in determining the sex of the offspring, but in humans it is the spermatazoa. And I am very confident in my knowledge on this subject.”

So of course Seb backed off, but I never looked at him the same way again.

14

Eh, Who the hell cares? I’m sure he knows a shit-load of crap most don’t.

It doesn’t matter if it has to do with Football or professional wrestling. Some people just have a hard time retaining information on certain subjects… I don’t think anyone’s going to die or get hurt as a result of him not understanding the animal kingdom…

Sometimes I think people can be too judgmental with people who learn differently. Einstein had all sorts of problems with everyday life, if what I just read was correct. Oh well, I should expect this in the straight dope message boards, (not to mention the BBQ pit).

15

Did you know that whales are not so much mammals as insects, and they exist entirely upon bananas?

[sub]Dear Lord, someone please get that.[/sub]

16

I know of a teacher who was asked this by one of her ninth grade students: “If I sign up for swimming next year, will I have to get into the water?”

I’ll bet your roommate is really great a 20 Questions, huh?

17

Neurotik, you don’t go to Dartmouth by any chance, do you?

18

The thing about this is, people often group things as: birds, fish, animals, insects, etc. Like they don’t cross over into each other’s category.

He at least knew that a whale wasn’t a fish, which is more than can be said about some folk.

19

Yes, but Pig is a filthy fucking animal.

20

The whale is an insect? I’ve never heard such rubbish!

Yes, yes, I know it’s a joke.