When I was younger my sister and I had a friend move into our apartment. Little did we know he had a “hygiene problem”
Well we found out soon enough and yes, we did say “DANG!! Gary, Go wash your ass!!” a number of times. He never did.
I composed a poem for him
*Oh Gary
Oh Gary
Oh so Hairy,
How does your sofa smell?
Like Old man’s socks
and dirty locks
of hair
from a decrepid mules ass.
You know you should shower at least once a day
that aroma has a power that won’t just “go away”
with simply fresh air and a change of duds
what you need is hot water and a barrel of suds.*
That didn’t work either.
Finally we waited till he drank so much one night he passed out. We covered him in blackstrap mollasses and corn flakes.
He took a shower the VERY next morning, will wonders never cease.
That sounds a lot like my roommate from freshman year in college. Except that he wasn’t nearly the *podex * described in the OP.
Harry was highly intelligent – a mathematics genius, good at languages, and pretty well rounded. Somewhat eccentric (which was pretty standard for that school), and a fairly nice guy. But his hygiene (or lack thereof) would have grossed out a Visigoth. Soon after he moved into my room, I began noticing this repulsive odor. I assumed that it was his B.O., since I could only really smell it when he was in the room. Through process of elimination I was able to rule out one thing after another. His laundry was kept tucked away and washed every two weeks or so. He showered every day. The vast mess he piled everywhere on the floor didn’t seem to contain rotting food or mildew. I had pretty much concluded that the problem was his feet (no way was I going to test that theory too closely) when I noticed something. I had run out of toothpaste one day and asked to borrow his. No problem, he said. So I picked up his tube of toothpaste and realized that it was the same tube I had borrowed several months previously. With a shock I searched the area of the sink and discovered that Harry didn’t even have a toothbrush. Mystery solved. It was his breath.
Come to find out, he was performing an “experiment”. He just wanted to see what would happen if he went a full year without brushing his teeth. And he found out. Seven cavities.
When I was in the Army, when we had guys like that, our sergeants would drag him outside and spray him down with a waterhose, then make him sleep in a pup-tent (down wind) till he learned to behaved
When there were several people like that, they (our sergeants) would hose them all down one-by-one, then nick-name them all “The Dirty Dozen of the 80’s”
When he’s out of the room, take all his dirty clothes, dump them in the shower and start it running. Soak them good. Get three of your strongest friends and when he comes back into the room, strip him and throw him in the shower with his clothes. Forcibly bathe him like a brat baby. Use soap and scrub him with a strong-bristled brush.
Then tell him it’s his choice:
Shower daily, laundry done at least twice a week.
If 1 is not accomplished, the three friends will show back up for a repeat performance.
Actually, my solution for dealing with the human toxic waste dump I described above was pretty simple.
I spent as much time as possible in my girlfriend’s dorm room.
I started hiding his stuff (like written homework) under the piles of trash on his side of the room.
I encouraged friends (especially females) to come by and admire the nice crop of skunk cabbage that had apparantly begun sprouting in the room. And to tell their friends about it.
I made sure I had different roommate arrangements set up well in advance for the next academic year.
I started hiding his stuff (like written homework) under the piles of trash on his side of the room.
THis method might be the most effective at getting him to clean up, assuming that he thinks the stuff got under there because of his own actions as oppossed to a pissed-off roommate. Maybe start with something one is likely to leave on the floor, like a pair of shoes or a backpack?
And I too would like to hear how the OP poster’s situation turned out. I’m hoping the “flip-out” worked, but if it didn’t, I agree getting some sanatation authority from off-campus couldn’t hurt.
“Reading through the boards… reading through the boards… Hey! Someone else had a smelly roommate!! I can link them to my old thread and give an update on what happened, maybe give this guy some advice! Oh wait… Duh.”
Well now that this thread is back I’ll give you an update. It all worked out amazingly well, actually. I gave up on trying to keep the smelly room and moved down the hall to a recently vacant space. My new roommate and I got along well (and he didn’t smell). Several days into my new living arrangement I wake up to find my roommate moving his stuff. He had a friend who’s roommate moved out at the end of the semester and he decided to move in there.
So now I have a very large room (by college standards) that doesn’t smell.
My old roommate asked my new(er) roommate if he wanted to move in with him. Being extremely afraid of germs, he said no.
Since then someone got assigned there but the new guy is having many of
the same problems, though at least my old roommate is showering from time to time now.
I don’t think I’ll have anyone assigned to my room this late in the semester, though it has happened. I’m pretty happy with where I am and even if I get assigned a roommate I won’t mind, it would only be about 11 weeks to the end of finals.
I may cutting Mr. Smelly more slack than he deserves, but…
Is it possible he’s seriously depressed? A lot of what you’ve described would fit that:
Neglect of personal hygiene
Neglect of daily routine chores
Inability to follow through on promised actions
Withdrawal from human interaction by retreating into nonthreatening stuff like computer surfing and TV watching
For someone mired in clinical depression, something as simple as doing laundry can seem too overwhelming to even try.
FYI - you’ve just described about one-third of the guys in my sci-fi group! And some of the rest would’ve been this way had they not married women who get on thier case about hygiene. They ain’t depressed, its just the way some of us geeks are.
