Greetings, Dopers. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on the ol’ SDMB and I gotta tell you I miss it a lot. Such a wonderful system with so many great people who are willing to listen to your personal musings and problems and offer comfort and advice.
I left my home state of New York early in June, headed to the Rainbow Gathering in Idaho, my first one. Familiar with it? Like everything else in this world, it’s a mixture of beauty and bullshit. Well, I just left the woods a few days ago and hitchhiked from Boise to Portland, stayed there for a couple nights, then headed south. I’m in the wonderfully surreal town of Eugene, Oregon, currently. This is my first time on the west coast, and I’m finally testing the limits of myself, relying on my wits and creativity to survive. This often means eating out of dumpsters, and camoflauging my tent in some ditch or what have you. Yet, I have never felt so alive. I’ve learned so much about myself, including some things I didn’t want to know.
Dopers who are familiar with the personal revelations I’ve made on this board will know about my persistent virginity. Well, a week before leaving the Gathering, I almost lost it. A wonderful girl she is, and I’m not one to be blinded by the passion of the moment into idealizing a person. She is wise, intelligent, and capable, and I learned a whole lot from her. Well, we fooled around a bit. I, to put it bluntly, manually brought her to orgasm. ahem (knowing that I know that this is indeed within my capabilities is much more important to me than losing the old v-inity, so that’s a positive anyway), We started to have sex for about all of four seconds before her tentmate returned. Damn. Well, she left the Gathering a week later, and due to my characteristic stupidity and inaction, I let her walk out of my life with no way that we might ever contact one another. What I learned about myself is this: You get to think you are ready for anything, but I learned that I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to meet one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met (who was actually interested in ME, for cryin’ out loud), then say goodbye a week later and not know if I would ever see her again. This kind of pain is new to me, and my burden of regret is so heavy. Hopefully, I will learn from this, and I won’t have to rightfully blame myself for any more losses of this nature. I don’t want to have to cry at computer terminals while typing my personal drama into e-mails or message boards again.
So now, here I am, thousands of miles from everything I know. Away from everyone I know, too. I cycle between joy, fear, philosophical musing, loneliness, excitement, and even some hope. And at the same time all this is swirling around inside me, I feel I have no outlet for it all. My sister, my best friend, is back in new York and we haven’t talked but for a few moments when she answered the phone when I called home. My non-blood-related best friend is in Bolivia. I can e-mail her, but it’s not the same.
Well, well, well, now that I’ve given you the background, I’m looking for advice and suggestions. Where now? I’m in Eugene, OR, as I said. I want to hitch into Northern California pretty soon, see the redwoods and all. You know, stupid hippie shit. What else should I try to see in my limited time out here. Where should I go? Where can I get my damn clothes and myself washed!? 
I try to stay clean for hitchhiking, but it’s so hard!
Well, hey, that’s my story. I want you all to know that I love and appreciate you all. Such a great online community and I’m ever so proud to be a small part of it. This trip has really taught me to value a lot of things that I had previously taken for granted.
Still lookin’ for truth,
Joe