My son turns 13 next month, and he’s never learned how to ride a bicycle.
Now, this is something he’s been actively avoiding for, well, ever. We have an old bike that he fits but he’s adamant that he will never need or want to ride a bike. I’ve considered taking him to a bike shop to let him check out their selection thinking that maybe having his own, rather than a hand-me-down, will entice him. But he has no desire to go (not that we could right now anyway). His older brother can ride and has since he was not much bigger than a toddler, but the youngest just doesn’t want to.
I feel that learning to ride a bicycle is a rite of passage. My wife feels that we somehow failed him. So I’m curious what opinions here are: should I push this or finally drop it?
Further data point: he seems to want to learn to drive, go to college, and pretty much every other “normal” kid thing. He’s a high achiever in school and isn’t particularly lazy. As far as I know he’s never had or seen or heard of any traumatic experience regarding bicycles, although when I mentioned buying a motorcycle he lectured me on how dangerous they were. I tried to talk him out of that notion but wasn’t particularly successful.
Oh, god no. Don’t force it on him.
The lil’wrekker never wanted to learn. When her 2 older sibs and cousins were riding circles around her, she happily played with her dolls.
She’s 21yo now and hasn’t had a reason to miss it.
Not all kids do the same things.
So, I was your son. Generation X and had zero interest in riding a bike, even when I lived in the suburbs. I wasn’t a homebody - I loved roaming around the neighborhood to all hours with my friends. But in my social circle none of that really revolved around bikes( sometimes there might be one guy riding along with a bunch of the rest of us walking ).
However my mother felt exactly like you did. To her it a rite of passage which also had great utility. Further she was quite certain that once I knew how, I’d take to it like a duck to water and have great fun. To be fair I was a lazy kid in some ways, so she figured I just needed a firm push. So about 6th grade she forced me to learn :p. Bought a cheap used bike, drove me to large, unused, out of the way parking lots for privacy and kept doing so until I had satisfied her that I had achieved basic competency. She was certain that I’d thank her later.
I never did and I never will ;). After that last training session I never touched that bike again and haven’t been on one since. I don’t look back on that time with seething resentment or anything( though I sure felt some at the time ), but it was an utter waste of my time and hers.
So in my very, very biased opinion you should just drop it. It’s a useful skill and good exercise, there is no denying. But it also isn’t a necessary one.
When I was a kid, I had a little Huffy bike and my older brother had an adult-size Schwinn. I never rode my bike, just couldn’t balance on it. And nobody offered to teach me. So my little Huffy just sat there, neglected. One day, when I was about 11 or 12, I just jumped on my brother’s Schwinn and rode off. It just happened.
That said, your kid has the right not to ride a bike. It’s not a “rite of passage” that he MUST do. Leave him alone.
And you mentioned buying a motorcycle??? And he’s not even 13 yet? Are you crazy?
I won’t argue with the opinions of the previous posters. All I can say is that when I was that age, I loved my bike, because it gave me mobility and independence that I otherwise would never have had. It gave me the opportunity explore the neighborhood and discover things that I would never have known existed. A bike to a kid that age is much like the first car to an older adolescent.
For different reasons – not mobility, but just sheer fun – I felt the same way about my first motorcycle. Those things are dangerous as hell, but they’re fun and I have no regrets. Among the most wonderful memories permanently etched in my brain are riding down to a marina on that motor bike about 40 miles away from our town, on a beautifully warm sunny day, with my first really serious girlfriend, whom I ended up marrying a year or two later, to go out sailing with friends who had an impressively big sailing yacht. I know this post is about 13-year-olds and bikes, but the analogy is that he’s missing out on life experiences. It’s probably wise not to force him if he’s not interested, but it’s unfortunate.
My parents taught me to ride a bike at around 4 years old, and I have made much good use of that skill in the 30 years since - playing with friends as a kid, getting to school, cheap transportation at university, and now commuting to and from work. I have taught my now 5-year-old son to ride and he loves it. But if he had not enjoyed the experience (OK, a few early and inevitable hiccups aside), I wouldn’t have pushed on with it. I certainly think a 13-year-old is entitled to their own opinions about this, and given what you have said, I’d leave it. If he changes his mind and wants to learn later, it might be a little harder, but not by much - it’s not like getting vaccinated or learning a language, where there are significant, demonstrable benefits to doing it sooner rather than later.
Eh, I think if you’re going to pressure a kid to ride a bike, you do it when they’re 8, not 13. I was “pushed” into at 8 and already felt a little old at the time (I grew up on a kind of scary sloped street, and they didn’t try until after we moved). Took me a long time to pick it up too, and my mom uttered expletives I haven’t heard since then.
Will there come a time where somebody, someone he might want the approval of, is going to give him a WTF look when they find out he is a grown man that doesn’t know how ride a bike? Sure, and that will be on him. Maybe that will prompt him to learn on his own. Not your problem.
I was lucky, my kids picked it up when they were little and I didn’t have to do a darn thing.
Stop pushing him. This is certainly no reflection on you and not a “sign you have failed him.” Holy cow. I’m not a parent so I do not understand this kind of parental thinking.
I always wanted a bike but my parents would never get me one. I taught myself to ride on the bikes of neighbor kids who would leave them in their front yards while they were inside having dinner. I bought myself my first bike with my own money when I was a SENIOR IN COLLEGE. I lived at home and my mother wasn’t thrilled. I rode it a lot for a dozen or so years, but not all over town-- strictly in pretty safe, low-traffic areas. No helmets back then. Frankly, I don’t trust car drivers to watch out for bike riders. So sue me.
It’s one fewer thing for you to worry about anyway. Worries you won’t have: can you make him wear a helmet or will he see it as dorky? What about bright clothing? And will he watch for cars or operate out of a sense of entitlement to the road? This is a Pandora’s Box he chooses not to open, so leave it alone.
Lancia, both as a kid who got a lot out of riding a bike, and as a parent, I understand how you feel. It would be my impulse as well. And I grew up with a rather authoritarian family; if Mom decided I was going to do something, then that’s how it was.
Oh, puh-leese. If he has enough intestinal fortitude to resist his parents’ pressure, then he will be self-possessed enough as a grown man not to give a fuck about such a lame judgment. :rolleyes: There was a time that a man wasn’t a man unless he could drive a stick shift. That’s over. And plenty of millennials don’t even care about learning to drive a car anymore.
There are many a rite of passage and no one person takes them all. Be a bit more flexible in tuning in to his interests. But to even ask the question here is a sign you are doing OK.
Thanks for the replies. I’ve been leaning towards dropping it (and frankly, I would not be able to force him to do it regardless).
He wants to be a lawyer so he can be rich and own a Ferrari :rolleyes::D, so learning to drive is something he’s looking forward to. He just doesn’t want to learn to ride a bike.
Yeah, if this was part of a bigger trend of being disengaged with everything and lacking general motivation I’d be more concerned. But you’re describing someone who seems pretty well adjusted, and just has no interest in this specific thing. “Rites of passage” are overrated in my opinion, and I suspect are more motivated by parental nostalgia and projection.
Also, riding a bike is relatively easy to pick up anytime. If he wants to take it up as an adult he’s not significantly harmed by his lack of experience. It’s not like he’s blown his shot at being a renowned concert pianist by not starting at five or something.
And I say that as a someone who spent a lot of time on a bike as a kid (it was my commute to school) and has taken it up again with gusto as an adult. Thirteen is too late to force it anyway in my opinion. My son started when he was six or seven and even that felt a bit late. He’s motivated by a sense of independence, not just the bike riding. As a third grader we can let him ride his bike to school in our neighborhood, and being able to do that was a big motivator for him.