My son doesn't want to learn to ride a bike. Should I push him to?

I had a kid who resisted the two wheeler, hated swim lessons and refused to dunk her head, and dragged out getting her drivers permit until she was 20. As a parent you feel like your kid is the only one hanging back and it makes you feel bad.

This past summer we were all on bicycles riding around Mackinaw Island. When she was 10 I never thought that would happen.

The only thing that might change the kid’s mind is peer pressure. If his best friends are riding off and leaving him alone, he may change his mind. Other than that, don’t sweat it.

For me, it was freedom rather than a rite of passage. My parents had no time to take me places, and being stuck mucking around on the surrounding blocks got old. I had to teach myself, as my parents sucked at helping out on things, so I fell down in our large yard a lot. A LOT. But once I figured out the balance thing, I could go anywhere, and it was like the whole world opened up.

At 13, it’s probably not worth pushing him to learn anymore, and I agree that it isn’t a completely essential skill to have, even if IMO it’s something that all kids should try to learn since cycling is a great way to get exercise and potentially to get around (depending on where you live).

I didn’t like swimming lessons when I was a kid, but I am quite grateful that my parents persisted in making me take lessons. However, that was for a 6-8 year old. I was also forced to take piano lessons until I was 12, and am happy that my parents let me quit at that point - while as an adult I sometimes wish I had continued to learn and build my skills, I recognize that it was my decision to quit and don’t hold it against my parents that they didn’t push me to continue piano lessons. So hopefully your son will also take responsibility for his decision to not learn how to ride a bike.

My mother forbade it because some damn fool kid in the neighborhood went head over heals, cracked his skull and died. I have regretted that ever since. I did learn sort of when I was 40 but it was too late to ever feel comfortable with it. That said, I can’t see forcing him. He might change his mind of course.

Not worth it. Now, if he can’t master the recumbent bike, that’s a whole nuther issue.

Ah, but when his lawyer friends ask him to join them on a midlife bike marathon for exercise, he may change his mind.

If I thought he was avoiding it because of fear, I might be inclined to force the issue. I believe facing one’s fear is an important life lesson.

If he just doesn’t want to learn because he thinks bikes are lame, I’d let it go.

That said, 13 is a bit late in the game to address this.

Not really. In some ways, it’s going to be much easier for a teenager to learn than, say, a five-year-old.

Teenagers can grasp the fact that they won’t fall down if they just keep pedaling. Little kids take a while to figure it out. In fact, people seem to be moving away from training wheels right now, so that the little kids will learn to just keep moving. I know that’s how my daughter (at five) learned – we just put her on the bike and she had it all figured out. Including how to stop.

See panache45’s post above – that’s how it works.

Heh, very good point.

But I was referring to addressing “Facing one’s fears”.

I can’t fathom why he never learned as it represents both a fundamental skill and a way of transportation as a kid. when I was a teenager my friends and I would go on 100 mile runs during the summer. We literally mapped out the surrounding counties using… folding maps. As adults we would do the same thing for exercise. The skills of maintaining our bikes morphed into working on our first cars (which we paid for).

Times have changed and by age 13 that ship has sailed.

Learning to ride is so scary (and potentially embarrassing) that I think you have to really want to do it.

It took me a year to learn. My father worked with me repeatedly, but I just couldn’t get the knack for it right away. And I really really wanted to get it. My twin was riding around like a pro, just like all the kids were, and it sucked being the only one with training wheels. I don’t think it would have happened if I had been “meh” about the whole thing.

I agree that learning to ride a bike is one of those transformative experiences for the average kid. But calling it a “rite of passage” is a little too much since lots of people somehow manage just fine without knowing how to ride. I think (gently) pressuring him would only make sense if you suspected he really wanted to learn but was having jitters. Otherwise, let it go.

Change the OP’s “bicycle” to “swim” - does that clarify the question? If someone has no desire to learn how to swim, how do you force that? What’s it to you if he doesn’t know how to swim (assuming you’re not a boating family).

I once worked with a woman, who in her 40’s was winning state-wide swimming championships and records. She couldn’t understand why her own two kids didn’t love swimming as much as she did. Sometimes people have different interests. (And no, she didn’t force swimming on them.)

I feel differently about swimming. That’s something I would absolutely force. That’s a skill that could wind up saving your life one day. Boating family or not.

My parents “forced” me and my brothers to swim simply by not allowing us to go swimming without them until we could swim the length of the swimming pool. We quickly joined a club and learned to swim. In fact two of us swam competitively for years.

They had no such rule about bikes and the youngest one of us never owned one.

It’s interesting that you’ve brought up swimming. My wife does not know how to swim and she’s 41. Other than actively avoiding situations where it may be important (she will not ever set foot on a boat, for instance) it hasn’t impacted her life in any negative way.

I suspect that, for my son, riding a bike will be the same way.

Her parents somehow failed her!

No, seriously, they did.

Your wife may wish to reconsider boating. I’ve taken many none swimmers out for boat excursions, they just wear their life jacket.

Personally, I can swim, but get no enjoyment out of it. So, while I sail, canoe, kayak, pontoon, etc I never swim. I also vacation exclusively on beaches, but very rarely go into the water above my ankles.

My family pushed me. Literally. Down a hill. And abandoned me. I don’t remember them explaining the brake function or steering for that matter. Ran into a coal pile. Scared the byjeesus out of me. But I survived and learned. I was maybe four years old.

Does anyone really know how to teach a kid to bicycle?

The bike’s not important, but I think you should strongly encourage him to regularly exercise in some fashion. Jogging, swimming, rowing, strength training.

Yes, using a slight incline so that the bike moves on it’s own without pedaling makes it easier to grasp the gyroscopic effect. Pedaling tends to tilt the bike off center which makes it harder learn to balance it. In order for the gyroscopic effect to work the bike has to be moving so the initial launch is the most difficult part.