With my son, I took his training wheels off and ran alongside him, holding on to the back of his seat to keep him upright. He yelled, “LET GO” so I did and he rode away.
With my daughter I did the same thing, only she yelled, “DON’T LET GO”, so I didn’t. She hated the entire experience and I eventually gave her first bike away, virtually unused.
I’m 46, never really learned, and I regret it. But had someone tried to push me at 13 to learn it would have made my stubbornness really show itself and I’d have been more determined not to learn.
fwiw, the reason I didn’t really learn was because I managed to coast a friend’s bike down some stairs when I was about 6, scraping myself up well in the process. And that scared me enough that I was never pushed to learn again.
I tried to learn at 5 and gave up after a few crashes. I learned at 11 since I moved to a new state .
Do universities still require a swim test or swim class to graduate? That was common at least up to the late 70s.
My college did. :mad: I kept putting it off until the last semester of my senior year, but there was no escape. I took the class and passed, but as much as I wanted to, I NEVER learned to enjoy swimming or be comfortable in the water. I just don’t like getting my face doused with water. I don’t even like lots of water on my face in the shower. Probably drowned as a witch in a previous life. 
Certainly wasn’t the case when I started college in the 1980’s. A single general ed class in ‘active/creative participation’ was required, which a lot of people covered with some form of PE. But you could just as easily take a music class or something instead.
I was never a bike person. My father forced me to learn when I was 8 or 9, and I don’t regret it, even if I’m not riding a bike today. In a few situations it was handy. It’s always useful to acquire some skill. But is it necessary? Absolutely not. I’ve never set my foot on a motorcycle either. But I do enjoy driving cars of any shape or form. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t push it. It seems he’s a smart kid who knows his goals.
Since no one has yet said “let it go, don’t push him into it,” let me be the first to say “let it go, don’t push him into it.”
I should have added that I graduated in 1970. PE was required every semester. As a freshman I took gymnastics then tennis every semester until the dreaded swimming class. This was at a private Catholic women’s college (now a “university”).
Wasn’t there a Frasier episode about this? The brothers never learned to ride.
I’d probably try to teach all of my kids to bike - well before 13, mainly because it is an exercise for them to learn about balance and coordination and a good way to exercise, but also to allow them the opportunity to do it later. Same reason I would teach my kids to throw and catch a ball, run, shoot baskets, kick a soccer ball, and other activities. We also did bike rides as a family activity.
Sure, they can decide to learn them later, but if a group of kids just say “Let’s go for a bike ride,” I’d prefer my kid not go because he doesn’t want to, rather than not being able to.
Similar for swimming. In addition to safety in a boat ride or just slipping off the bank, in my cohort it is not at all unusual for group activities to involve a pool, lake, etc. I would think it would suck to have to be the one person who had to stay on the side of the pool, or the only kid who had to wear a life jacket.
My middle kid has sensory integration issues. Learning to operate the handlebars was quite a challenge. He bombed around on a cool black tricycle, well after most kids were on 2 wheels. He eventually got the hang of it and today, at 30, he bikes all the time.
By the time the kid is 13, tho, I’d probably consider the time passed.
Bicycles were such a big part of my childhood, I can’t imagine not riding. My first job when I was 15 was at a bike shop and I’d honestly have worked for free if that’s what it took. I can understand OP’s point of view and see it like music lessons or going to camp that the kid thinks they don’t want. “One day you’ll thank me!”
I’d offer to buy the kid a Ferrari if he agrees to learn to ride the bike. Then, get him this Ferrari bicycle:
https://www.amazon.com/Ferrari®-Foldable-Bicycle-Alloy-Wheels/dp/B01DMNWJ46
There are other, much less affordable Ferrari bikes.
Riding a bike is cool if you just want to let loose in a breeze. I’m not one to do uphill stuff but he might find it a pleasant experience if he tries.
Don’t force anyone to do anything. But being able to ride a bike is important IMHO. Not as important as swimming. But really, really good to know how to do.
It’s a general skill that all adults are expected to know. I say the same about driving a car.
Learning to ride is SCARY. So that may be the problem at his age.
I can see where a parent would not want the child to depend on them for rides everywhere. Some kids might hop on a skateboard or walk or whatever, however. It’s also potentially useful in learning the rules of the road for when driving a car comes along. But no, I wouldn’t force it. My brother finally took swimming lessons when he was 30 years old…maybe riding a bike isn’t “no,” but “not yet.”
Rode a bike as a kid and teenager. Haven’t rode one in decades and don’t plan on ever doing so again. Wouldn’t make one iota of difference if I’d never learned in the first place.
I don’t think 13 is late necessarily – depending on the reason. I didn’t learn until I was 11 because prior to that, we didn’t live in a place where I could ride a bike. I had one, but the only option was a cracked cement patio. Not exactly ideal.
Then we moved and I picked it up in a day. My new friends weren’t making fun of me, they were willing to help, so that might have made it easier.
Now, is he going to need one for transportation? If not, then don’t push it. He’d most likely end up hating it, and that’s the opposite of what you want.
Swimming though? Yeah, I’d say that’s a must.
I never read this thread until now and WOW, I’m completely blown away by the responses.
In my mind, without a moments hesitation you absolutely should force your son into riding a bike. No question whatsoever.
That said, you first need to decide what kind of kid do you want?
To me, as a parent, I want mentally strong, self-confident kids, who aren’t afraid to try new things and take on challenges. I also didn’t want them to ever miss opportunities for fun with friends because they didn’t have a some basic skill.
I actively pushed mine out of their comfort zones and forced them into the life skills I thought were important. They’re now self-confident, active, physically fit adults (late teens and early 20’s) and try many new experiences (safely).
If you want that, you need to lead them and push them. When you push them out of their comfort zone, they’ll see what they can accomplish and that feeds on itself and that confidence grows over time. To me, that is the absolute essence of being a parent.
If you don’t want active self-confident kids, just follow their lead and let them do only what they want. That’s certainly the path of least resistance which is always the easiest zero conflict path, especially as a parent. IMO it’s also the path a lazy parent takes, and abdicates their responsibility as a parent. But you need to decide for yourself.
However if you do take that path, don’t look back and wonder why your kid’s overweight, eats junk food and and plays their PS4 in the basement all day. You know exactly why.
My son saw no value in swimming and didn’t want to learn at all. I explained that I (as his dad) made the choice that he was going to learn to swim. That was NOT his decision because I believed swimming was an important life skill to have. (I have a friend who, like your wife, avoids all water activities - I absolutely did not want my son to be burdened by that crippling fear his whole life.)
At his first lesson he refused to go in the water, so I literally told him learning was not his choice, that was my choice. His only choice now was whether he went in by himself or I threw him in the water (to his instructor). He looked me in the eye, saw I was serious and jumped in and never looked back. He thanks me to this day for it. He’s a strong confident swimmer.
When it came to riding a bike, neither my son or daughter wanted to. They saw no value, no interest etc etc. I forced them to and explained why they had no choice: I felt that it was an important skill to learn and once they learn they’ll never forget it etc. I also told them I’d never force them to go for a ride if they didn’t want to and I didn’t care if they ever went riding again, but at least they’d have the option to do so if it ever came up. Both begrudgingly agreed. For a while they rarely rode, but later they both fell in with friends who cycled everywhere. They thanked me.
I have yet to meet a parent whose adult kid has come up to them and said “I’m so glad you let me you always get me get my way and do only what I decided I wanted to do. So happy you never pushed into riding a bike or swimming, I’m so much better off now as an adult.”
If you do teach him to ride, my suggestion is no training wheels or running behind. Take the pedals off the bike and have him scoot himself along. His balance will come quickly and once he’s travelling decent distances add the pedals back on. I ran behind my daughter for a couple days until she got it. Someone suggested taking off the pedals and my son learned on his own in less than 2 hours.
Don’t push him to do something he adamantly doesn’t want to learn, which he can learn later if he ever needs to. It can’t be that important. Pick your battles and won’t he respect you more later on, like if he is 20 and you are insisting he learn to drive if he doesn’t want to for some reason?
Another voice in the “No, don’t push” chorus. If events in the future make riding more attractive, it will happen.
Depending on the college situation, that might be one place where having a bicycle becomes advantageous. When I was in college I rode a bike all over campus, where it was especially helpful in getting to classes on time.
Side note on training wheels. They are counter-productive in my mind; they don’t “train” anyone on the skills needed for maneuvering a bicycle: one turns a bicycle by shifting weight, not by aiming the handlebars, and training wheels keep the bike too upright. A parent teaching a child to ride should remove the pedals (if possible) from the bike, lower the seat, and turn it into a push bike, where the child discovers how to turn, but where also the child won’t fear falling, because they always have the ability to put both feet down and stop.
Like many other responders, a bike was my ticket to the larger world as a kid. I learned to ride when I was five or six, and have always had at least one bike. I would regularly go on bike rides with my parents and brother all over town. When it came time to teach my kids how to ride, we didn’t really give them a choice, but neither did we force it on them, but they were young enough that “do as I say” was the only thing they knew (that is, five/six vs 13).
I think, at 13, the dynamic is different. You can force your kid to learn, but he may be learning other things at the same time, to the detriment of your relationship. As long as he’s reasonably active and otherwise well adjusted, let him know you’ll teach him if he ever changes his mind and have a bike ready for him to learn on. He may teach himself, or may ask friends to teach him. Or he may never learn. It’s not that big a deal, in the greater scheme.