My 17 year old son (a junior in high school) came to us last night with a plan. He’s been taking the college-prep curriculum at school and told us that he wants to switch to the standard diploma track and graduate early. He has enough credits to do this, except he needs his 4th year English and Social Studies. And, he can take those online to finish them up by the end of this school year. He wants to drop two electives he’s taking now to free up a study hour each day to work on the online classes. He doesn’t want to go to college yet – he says he’s just tired of school and wants a break and some life-experience. So he wants to join the Navy at the end of the school year. He’s very interested in health and fitness, so he wants to enlist for Hospital Corpsman school (Hospital Corpsman being the Navy versions of Army medics). Then at the end of his tour, he’ll use his GI Bill to get his degree in Health & Wellness, or whatever they call the BS degree for personal trainers.
It’s a good plan, really. He’s a very good boy. I’m not surprised really – he’s old for a Junior. If he went on and did his senior year, he’d be 18 years old for all of it – his birthday is in July. And I know he’s been feeling disenchanted with being a ‘kid,’ he’s sick of school and ready to start his real life. But I’m having a hard time adjusting to the thought of him leaving home a year early – less than a year from now! I didn’t sleep at all last night and I’ve been crying and moping all morning. I’m going to miss him so much, my blue-eyed baby boy.
I know I should stop being such a goon, but I can’t help it… Tell me to snap out of it, someone!
For years, we’ve been telling our daughter that once she graduates, she’s outta here! No, we didn’t intend to toss her out on her butt, but we did want her to get used to the idea that she would be living her own life and it wouldn’t be in our house.
She graduates in May. She’s been accepted to the University of Central Florida and we’ve all but decided on the apartment complex where she’ll live.
All of a sudden, I’m not ready for her to be out on her own. She knows how to cook and do her laundry and bathe regularly. She’s held 3 different part-time jobs, and she’s pretty good managing her money. I know she’s fully capable of getting on with her life, but now that it’s a few months away, I’m less sure that I’m ready for her to go. Even tho she’s looking forward to it. Even tho I was the same way at her age.
It’s a mom thing. Nothing you can do about it but be brave and try not to nag from afar. And remember the alternative is having your 40-something child living in your basement… :eek:
I graduated early at age 17. I worked hard the first two years in high school. I never had a study hall, I took all the classes I could. I have enough credits to graduate my junior year. I had to go a semester of my senior year for one class. I was bored out of my mind 7 hours a day. I took fluff classes except the one I needed. If I could have redone it, I would have taken that class my junior year and moved on with life then. Some poeple need all four years to get the “high school” expierence. Some don’t. Sounds like your son is ready to move on.
Kids all mature at a different rate. Our daughter’s run through virtually the whole high school curriculum but wasn’t emotionally ready to make the move to college. Now, halfway through her senior year, she’s gaining the personal skills to be independent.
Just think how proud you’ll be when he comes back from basic training, tanned and fit and self-confident.
As a young adult who moved away to go to school this year, I can tell you it’s not as easy for us either. I am my mother’s only child, and she was NOT ready for me to go. I skipped a year of college, and left home a year early. (I went to Junior College first). And now I’ll be done with Florida State a semester early as well, and then I’m moving to Italy! My mother is about to have a major breakdown.
When I was preparing to move, I did all the decision making, picked out the apartment by myself (almost 8 months in advance), got everything in order so she wouldn’t have to, and so I could feel independent. It was great, but my first week away was sad. I realized how much I missed and loved my mother, and my stepfather, and all of my family. I think I felt a little of what she was going through. Realizing that I was not her little baby anymore. But instead I was her “baby who’s now all grown up”
Sometimes I get annoyed at her extreme affection for me, but then I just remember, if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have done was well as I did.
It’s really great to have a family that is proud of you and will let you feel as though you are independent. (Even though in my family, at the slightest sign of trouble they are trying to send me money)
Jess I know you are really proud of your son and that’s great! But I’m sure he’s just as proud of you for being such a great mom.
Jenny*
You should totaly be proud of him. It isn’t lie he is running away from home he has aplan and it is a good plan for his fuutre. I know you’ll miss him but he has to leave sooner or later. Cut the apron strings and be proud of the find young man you’ve raised. He will be back - he isn’t going to be gone forever.
Think of it this way, The converse is that some kids NEVER leave home. They drop out of school never get a job or if they do it is part time to buy drugs and CDs so that they can live in Moms basement. You could still be doing his laundry in 15 years. Spend as much quality time with him these next months as he wil allow you to spend then let him go and be very very proud. .
Exactly.
In simple terms, I’ve found there are two types of parents (mothers) and alot of gray area between the 2 extremes.
Bird types: They build a home & care for their young. When it’s time to fly, they’ll give a nudge of the beak and their young on their way. Hopefully their guidance and care doesn’t result in a splat on the ground below.
Elephant types: They raise their young in a herd and will be near their young until they go off to the burial ground.
There’s no right or wrong types, just differing ones.
Is he your only child? If so, do you feel this means that your role is finished, and you don’t have anything else to look forward to?
I’m afraid my wife and I have had these conversations, and our kids are only 4, 6 and 13. It usually runs like this:
Her: Dear, are you going to miss the kids when they go?
Me: Oh yeah, from our table in a Paris cafe.
We love them dearly and I enjoy their company, but I also hope that when it’s their time to leave the nest, that they are as motivated and focused as your son.
