My stuff was already in there, you putz!

Where I work, the anteroom, accessible only to employees, has cubbies, you know, like you had in kindergarten? They’re for us to leave our stuff before we clock in. They’re not assigned, but there are enough for everyone, even if a lot of people are on the clock at one time. Today (which was not one of those days), I left my purse, a magazine, and an open can of pop in a cubby. I clock out, go to the anteroom, and find that someone jammed a shopping bag into the cubby I had been using. My pop can was knocked over…and my magazine was soaked.

WTF? I always tuck open pop cans tightly into the back corner, so I don’t accidentally knock them over myself. This wasn’t my negligence. And there were other cubbies available, although they weren’t the easy-to-reach ones right in the middle.

:::channelling employee’s thoughts::: “Hm, what do I do with this stuff that I just bought? Oh, I don’t want to leave it down there; I’d have to, you know, exert myself reaching down. Here’s a good spot…but oh, there’s this big canvas purse in the way! Who leaves their stuff all over the place like this? Gotta push a little harder…almost there…GOTCHA!..Wonder what that fizzing sound was?”

(And no, the magazine wasn’t something I wanted to keep pristine. I generally don’t bring anything to work that I truly value.)

put your stuff in the same place again, (no pop) and then do a stake out to see if this is repeated.

pour any remaining soda on the offender’s stuff.

Ooh, I should have done that! “Ack! How did my stuff get wet?” “Gee, it must have happened when you shoved my stuff out of the way!”

“And in the garbage can… with coffee grounds dumped on top?”

Nuk the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

Must be a Three Stooges reference?

So did you find out whose shopping bag it was? Did you riffle through it trying to determine whose it was?
Lets find out how much of a dumbass they are before you seek revenge.

Step 1: Remove interloper’s stuff to nearest garbage can.

Step 2: Clean out cubby.

Step 3: Reinstall your stuff, dried out as much as possible.

Step 4: Wait for complaint from interloper, which will be broadcast to all empolyees.

Step 5: Loudly exclaim, “Was that you, because I didn’t think anybody would just stuff their things into a cubby without checking for prior occupancy…” &c.

Step 6: “I didn’t think anybody would be that dumb, so I just assumed he was getting rid of some trash.” Repeat often.

There’s a “Fat Man” joke here, but I’m too lazy to find it.