My two biggest problems that I have at coffee shops (and, if you're brave, yours)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hi, I’m a coffee shop rat, okay?

I sit here for hours, reading and writing, sometimes not actually doing anything at all! I am a sucker for lame wooden retail environments. They make me feel comfortable, like I’m at the most sterile cottage on the planet. ANYWAY, see, here are two things I do here that I probably shouldn’t. These problems aren’t exactly exclusive to coffee shops, but for some reason coffee shops are the only places I ever have to worry about this happening.

PROBLEM ONE IS BELCHING. I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that there’s a nice fake fireplace, or wifi, but I get a little too comfortable in these places, because I’ll be sitting here, doing my thing, checking my Facebook or some bullshit, and then I’ll realize: Wait, I just belched, loudly. Why can’t I catch this sooner! I only become aware of what I’m doing just in time to look up and give guilty facial expressions to half of the people in coffee shop, who I am distracting from checking their own Facebooks.

PROBLEM TWO IS STARING AT PEOPLE LIKE A CREEP. This sort of stems from the same cause as problem one. After spending a little while at my relaxing wooden table with a checkerboard printed on it for some reason, sipping on cappuccino brewed from terribly burnt beans (with soy milk!!!), I dig into my head and let my “creative side” come out. And let me tell you, it’s intense. It’s so intense that I lose track of my surroundings and allow myself to zone a little bit. Here’s the problem, though, and I don’t know why it only happens at coffee shops, but I always end up staring at someone, at an inappropriate place on their body (but usually their face, which is creepier). I don’t know if they’re laid out on purpose for this kind of thing (to promote, I don’t know, a sense of community? sit down and relax and talk to new people across the room), but I get “caught” doing this pretty much every time it happens.

So pretty much? I have a reputation at about four coffee shops as “that guy who sits in the corner and stares at me and burps really loud.” At least I tip, but now it’s more out of guilt than anything. Coffee shops are so hard sometimes.

edit: A third thing, I’ll also pick my nose, but I don’t really care about that.

2

Look on the bright side. At least you don’t fart loudly as well.

Do you…? :dubious:

3

This is why I prefer diner dives to coffee shops for hanging out.
Even if I were to burp, pick, stare or even fart, I’m still top of the food chain, what with my own teeth and employment and stuff. :smiley:
No internet at home?

4

I’m glad to say that public farting is not something I’m worried about!

QT, I have internet at home, but I just like getting out of the house to do whatever writing/reading I need to do.

5

Do you work in an office?

Do you do these things in offices too? Cause being creepy in a coffee shop doesn’t seem as bad as doing it in an office, IMO and probably just IMO.

As for me, I don’t have those problems in coffee shops because 1) I don’t drink coffee, 2) I don’t belch (don’t know why), and 3) staring at people is only creepy if you’re belching (that’s my rule, anyway)

6

I’m a bartender. People belching and staring in a vaguely creepy fashion at other people are the least of my worries. Even if they’re staring and/or belching at ME.

Picking your nose? That’s a problem. Much bigger than either of the first two. Worse than farting in a way, because sometimes you HAVE to fart immediately, but you can always delay picking your nose til you’re out of sight.

If you persist, this means you’ve lost all sense of propriety and should be publicly reprimanded.