The OP mentioned that the uncle was in the Pentecostal Church. I’m not sure talking to a higher-up (his boss?) would serve any purpose.
My sister-in-law J died because people at her Church and her pastor convinced her that prayer was the way to go to rid herself of the cancer in her esophagus. They told her it was satan at work, and that prayer would expel him. Then one of the women of the group told the congregation that she had dreamt that J was already healed. She was told that the pain was simply the devil tempting her to lose faith.
I wonder how the “God hates fags” types would rationalize Stacey Burton* not being dead**.
*small PDF; Jan is Stacy’s partner.
**video of head-on collision between horses
I can understand both your not getting this, and her reaction.
I had a client in the past who was a take-no-prisoners type with most people. She could cut people down with a look or a phrase, and she stood up for herself with no problem…unless the opposition was her mother or her grandmother. Those two could cow her anytime, anywhere, with very little ammunition.
My concern is that the similarities between that case and the Rhymers will grow. I’m no longer working in a clinical setting but the last time I had any contact with that client, she was relying on her husband for everything. Between her depression and her screwed-up family dynamics, she just lost her ability to be her own person. Skald, I am NOT saying in any way that you would encourage that, please know that. But I have seen relationships where the non-depressed person is so understanding and takes on so many of the depressed person’s battles that it creates an unhealthy dynamic. That’s why I was so impressed with the way you took a step (or ten) back when she was dealing with that abusive coworker.
I’m a fairly devout Christian, and I’m appalled that someone who claims to be Christian is acting like such a jerk. He’s a control freak of the same order of Fred Phelps. It shows in the attempt to be domineering. As I understand it, the Pentecostals are not big on hierarchies, so there may not be a superior with authority to slap this jackass down. Maybe the church has as equivalent of the Better Business Bureau, and you could get him censured in his own denomination.
Since the Missus’s defenses are down, due to ill health, it’s not surprising she could speak up for herself more forcefully. It’s happened to me. I’m usually pretty mouthy in action with jerks, but one time in the hospital I remember I was very submissive to a doctor I was going to be assigned to. My mom, a nurse, refused in my name, because she knew some things about that guythat were…not nice.
As a Christian I apologize that some members of our faith are such complete and utter asshats Until you can settle things, do not let this man back into your house. I’ve dealt with zealots like him before… you have to be firm and even then it’s likely that he’ll never get the message.
Also, next time (in case she runs into him outside the house) tell her not to argue with him. “No, thank you” repeated ad infinitum is all this guy deserves.
Pride goeth before a fall, and a haughty spirit before destruction.
This guy is in for a big surprise.
This whole thing just makes me sad as much as angry. I really don’t think this is what Jesus had in mind when he said to go into all the world and make disciples. The most he should have offered was prayer on her behalf during his own prayer time, and that should definitely should have come after the loving concern he should have expressed while in her presence. Unfortunately he probably will never learn that loving people into the presence of God is so much more effective.
And no, I’m not saying I think he should persist in trying to convert your wife, or re-convert, as the case may be. I’ll just never figure out how some people don’t understand that browbeating people isn’t really conducive to them hearing your message.
Don’t let him come back unless he can behave, which probably means don’t let him come back. I doubt there is anyone you can complain to; he’s probably the guy in charge, and the congregation is likely nondenominational. Besides, they most likely wouldn’t listen anyway.
I’m sorry she had to go through this. Take care of her, but don’t let this guy nest in your hair. Spend your energy helping her figure out what she needs to get better, and then she’ll be able to deal with him if she ever has to again. I’m glad her mother was there for her, to stand up for her a little at least.
Sometimes I think God must get very frustrated with “his people”. So many of them are so busy doing not his work.
Right, 'cos Christians aren’t allowed ever to say that another Christian has done what they opine a Christian ought not to do, because that is the same as saying that the other Christian is no true Christian.
Skald, you’d better go ahead with that beating. I assume the uncle is smaller, older and weaker than you, and Mrs Rhymer will think you no end of a mensch for it?
The uncle’s not much older than I am; I doubt he’s even 50. My wife is and I aren’t the same generation.
I’m a little calmer now, and I think I’ve changed my opinion of this situation a tiny bit. I don’t think the fuckwit’s attitude is born of his theology; I think his theology is the expression of his fuckwittery.
And if he percieves it as an attack by satan then his god will be there to defend him and he will overcome the blasphemous Skald.
Umm… Right. I’m buying ringside seats.
re: Your promise not to inflict violence. You only promised that you wouldn’t. I don’t recall you promising you would advise a few dozen of your good Doper buddies where they might encounter said pompous fool.
All I can really add is a me too to the advice that you never allow him into your house again.
No, no, summer goeth before a fall, and graduation goeth before summer; and before graduation, you have to have all your credits. Filling out the application goeth before getting credit, and thou must double-click before the application shall begin; and installing goeth before the application, and in stalling one does nothing. That which is last goeth before nothing; that which is under warranty goeth long before that which lasts. Little goeth before the warranty.
Whoa. Everyone settle down here. I agree with everything but step 2. While I understand your desire to protect your wife during her emotionally taxing time, this is not a pummelworthy offense (which is why I assume you refrained from commencin’ with the pummelin’). Just extract yourself from situations where he’ll be present and tell him his obnoxious preachiness is a pain in your ass and he’s not welcome to use your house as a pulpit.
I’m actually a little surprised that she’s upset. If she doesn’t buy into it, why would it bother her? She knows this guy and knows his rap. Aside from not allowing him to use your home for this silly god crap, or separating yourself from him permanently, isn’t this like…his job?
Until you can settle things, do not let this man back into your house. I’ve dealt with zealots like him before… you have to be firm and even then it’s likely that he’ll never get the message.