My wife doesn't owe you a damn thing. I, however, owe you a vicious beating.

The BBQ Pit
1

As I’ve mentioned in a thread elsewhere, my wife hasn’t been feeling well lately; briefly, her Wellbutrin scrip was no longer getting the job done, and the new scrip is…well, let’s saywe don’t know yet and leave it at that. But this thread is not about her. It’s about her asshole of an uncle.

Basically the story is as follows. Yesterday afternoon, a few of her relatives – specifically my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law’s sister, and the sister’s husband --came to visit. This visit was unannounced, but that didn’t bother me much because Mrs. Rhymer is very close to her mother and aunt, and anything with the potential to make her feel less than horrible is a blessing. If she wanted to have girl talk with Ann Coulter and Star Jackson right now, I wouldn’t mind. But because we weren’t expecting guests, I wasn’t prepared; specifically I was in the middle of cooking dinner. So after a little chit-chat I returned to the kitchen while everyone else visited.

When I left the room, they were talking about the election, and my wife was lethargic but calm. When I returned she was crying and couldn’t stop, and my mother-in-law was yelling at her brother to shut the fuck up. I didn’t know what had happened, but my mother-in-law suggested that I ask her brother to leave, so I did.

It took Kim a while to calm down. She took a pill and went to sleep. Later, over pork chops, my mother-in-law told me what I’d missed, but only after extracting a promise from me not to do anything violent once I heard the story.

You see, the uncle is a minister and muckety-muck with a Pentecostal church hereabouts. This church believes in Biblical inerrancy and faith healing and uxorial submission and homosexuality-as-abomination and, oh yes, demon possession. Kim was raised in this church but stopped believing around the age of 15 and stopped attending as soon as she was 18. This offended her uncle mightily.

Anywhistle…Mrs. Rhymer’s defenses aren’t up to their usual standards right now; they haven’t been for a while, for reasons some of you may know. But she knows what she believes and doesn’t believe, so when her uncle wanted to anoint her with oil and pray over her, she said no.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I don’t believe in that. You know I don’t.”

“But why not?”

“Lots of reasons. Evolution. Psalm 137. Elisha and the she-bears.”*

“Those can’t be your real reasons.”

“Yes, they are.”

“No, they’re not. That’s just a trick of the enemy.”

“It’s not a trick. It’s what happened when I read the Bible and paid attention.”

“That can’t be true, Kim. You’re letting the enemy trick you. But if you search your heart you’ll see the real reason, and I think you owe it to me.”

“Those are my reasons.”

“No, they’re not. Stop lying. Stop letting Satan trick you. You think you’re in pain now, but it’s nothing compared to what hell will be like if you don’t get right with God. You’re in pain because you’re in sin, and one of your sins is not obeying your pastor.”

“You’re not my pastor any more. I left your church.”

“I don’t accept that. You’re part of my flock and you owe me your obedience and you’re suffering because you rejected my guidance, which is the same thing as rejecting God. You’ll go to hell if you don’t learn how to submit and obey. You know that. Now tell me the truth. You can’t be healed unless you repent to God and to me. You know that. Do you want to feel this way for the rest of your life? Do you want to go tell afterwards?”

That’s when my wife lost her composure and her mother lost her temper. My wife’s aunt stayed silent the entire time, being a good submissive wife.

Promising not to beat the uncle to death may have been an error.

*I’m just guessing at what she said here. But those are reasons she’s given me for being a non-Christian.

2

Some promises simply need to be broken, as do some faces.

3

Bolding mine, of course.

I dunno what church this guy belongs to, but if he said that (which seems likely), he just claimed a place for himself sitting next to God. :eek: Ironically, this is a humongous sin, and one likely to send him to The Bad Place. People like that don’t have room for anyone else in their heart, neither for God nor Man. And what he claimed was so incredibly, awesomely arrrogant of him that my mind boggles at the fact he would or could even say the words.

4

Just don’t let him back in the house.
Ever.

5

First Church of Assholes with Monumental Egos?

You really do owe this guy a serious beating. That’s an intolerable thing to say to anybody.

6

What a jerk. Revoke his invite permanently.

7

Tell him she’s into Bahai’i now. That ought to shut him up. Fucktard.

8

Step 1: This man never enters your house again. Period. Not for any reason, even if grandma is dying in the back bedroom and wants to see all her children for the last time. N.E.V.E.R.

Step 2: “If you ever tell my wife something like that again, I will beat you within an inch of your life. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PISS OFF. You are not only not her pastor, but as of now, you are no longer a member of our family.”

Step 3: Inform other family members that this man is no longer welcome in your house and no longer a part of your lives.

Step 4: Stop explaining it, stop defending yourself.

9

What he said.

What absolute gall!!

10

I was going to say the same thing smiling bandit said.

While I understand that someone may want to offer help (in whatever form they think is the one that works), not excepting a “no thanks” is rude, at the very least. He was invited to dine with you. Not to come and give sermons.

This guy is not the right hand of God. He may have done some good works in God’s name, but even if you accept a given that God worked His will through your uncle at one or more times in the past, it does not mean that everything your uncle-in-law does is God’s work. (And I assume you already know that.)

However, I don’t think a UFC cage match between the two of you is the best idea. While it might be emotionally gratifying to smack down your uncle-in-law (for emotionally hurting your wife), I don’t think it would change your uncles attitude. He may see it as Satan attacking him through you, and reinforce his feelings of self importance.

I think some verbal lesson about hubris and considering himself God’s one and only agent in your wife’s life might be in order. Is there a way to speak to your Uncle’s “boss”? Give him the lowdown, and see if that guy will speak to your uncle-in-law. While it will probably happen out of (your) sight, I think it’s the best you can expect from a crummy situation.

11

While I would float the idea past the other family members, Skald’s wife may not wish to terminate contact with her Aunt, which could be one conceivable outcome from an ultimatum or banning.

12

I just don’t get this. Used to be that Mrs. Rhymer’s specialty was putting others on the spot with inappropriate questions and comments, and smirking when they got all flustered. But when people put her on the spot and she gets all flustered, beatings are called for?

13

What Chimera said. And don’t forget a kick in the balls and a punch in face for emphasis.

14

Skald isn’t proposing this for any reason other than emotional gratification. It’s not about teaching a lesson in humility, it’s just “don’t you dare hurt her like that again” - justified if a bad idea. When somebody is as self-important as this jerk, practically everything in the world reinforces his self-importance.

15

(corrected spelling of penultimate word in the quote, because I think it was a typo. My apologies if I upset anyone.)

Maybe because I’m on a bit of a more even keel than the Missus (and I do hope the medication kicks in quickly) but at this point I would have laughed in the guy’s face. Sincerely, folks, can’t you see how over the top ridiculous this is?

I think the worst thing you can do to people like this is show them you’re not taking them seriously.

That said, the guy never comes back into the house again. And let it go. This guy is nothing more than a buzzing mosquito. He’s entitled to his opinion, but you guys do not need to spend another second fretting over his idea of God.

16

I agree. I understand that this is The BBQ Pit, and he was probably “venting”. :slight_smile: I was kinda using that paragraph as a lead-in to my suggestion that he talk to the pastors “boss”. (I am unfamiliar with the hierarchy of said church.)

17

Judging from the guy’s comments, his direct superior is God! So I think it’d be a great idea to ask him about filing a complaint with his boss. :wink:

18

Quoted for truth.

Of course, if you encounter him again and he goes on like this, you could always remind him that the King of Spain was also absolutely convinced that he was right and that God was on his side when he sent the Armada to attack England. Alternatively, you could tell him that bullying your wife is also sinful and he is not permitted in your house until he apologizes for what he did.

I’m sorry you went through that.

19

Unfortunately, the law and standards of civilized behavior don’t allow you to just break something inside him. However, I’d definitely never let him across my threshold again.

I’m confused about something: were there two uncles there, or one? You referred to both your mother-in-law’s sister’s husband, who would be your wife’s uncle by marriage, and to your mother-in-law’s brother, who would be your wife’s blood uncle.

20

Hah! I forgot that (bolded by me) part!