I think this is the most important post in this thread so far, and it has very little to do with the house. The fact that you do not know what her motivations are here is a giant red flag and points to a huge communications gap. I would not make any big commitment, no matter how good an idea it was on paper, until this is resolved. You are risking a world of hurt otherwise.
I lost everything by putting money in a house. I got transferred when the market was down (not generally, but just in my San Diego when a major aircraft plant closed). The sale didn’t cover the mortgage and I was saddled with debt and went bankrupt.
Another major loss was when I divorced. My wife refused to sign the sale papers because I was paying her housing cost until the final decree, so I had house payments and rent as well. Talk about getting a raw deal.
Houses are not liquid assets. It can take months even in a good market.
The upfront costs are so heavy, what with commissions and taxes and fees to a dozen people with their hands in your pocket. So heavy that if you stay less than two years you are guaranteed a loss in a good market.
Houses are a lot of work, decorating and upkeep, not for the fainthearted, you have to be committed to spending a good portion of your free time and disposable income.
And yes, it does strain the marriage until things settle down. A couple years.
What reasons does she give you when you ask her?
I’d also second the advice to really look at how much it’s going to cost you. Doing a preapproval was how we got this information (although you could work it out on your own, obviously; we just didn’t) – I was shocked when the lender estimate came back with taxes and insurance coming out to be an extra 30% on top of our actual mortgage payment. Now we have to do the math on the interest tax deduction to figure out exactly how much it will cost vs. renting; I think it will come out to be several hundred dollars more than rent even with the deduction, whereas before I thought we were coming out ahead.
I have to say, I don’t think that fear about buying a house is such a weird thing. The more I think about the economy, the more I am terrified that we’ll both lose our jobs and be tied to this hulking mortgage payment (even if the payment is the same or less than rent, we could always downsize to a smaller apartment, or move somewhere else cheaper; with a house you can’t do that). Though I have no idea if that’s your wife’s problem or not.
You might suggest that you could go do some footwork (lender, open houses) yourself, and if she throws cold water on that idea, then maybe have a chat as to why?
In your OP you mention that you have issues with your current space. Is she similarly against the idea of moving to another apartment/rental? The answer to this might shed some light on the situation… maybe she just hates to move (which I can totally relate to, I hate and despise moving), or maybe it is fear of buying in particular (as above).
I disagree, it’s almost always cheaper to live in a house because you are paying someone else a profit who is looking for a better return than the bank. The difference is that you are leveraging the down payment against the whole value of the house. Put another way, both owners pay the interest on the mortgage but a landlord will charge a premium above the interest and principal.
If you look at my example above you will see that after 15 years paying identical amounts of money you have full equity in the house and 5 years of rent payments on top of that in that bank.
Which is precisely why the vast majority of rental units availabe are multi-family structures. The most successful rental houses are those that have been purchased at well below current market value and which include a great deal of sweat equity. Even many of those are often just breaking even.
You didn’t include a great many expenses in your example, nor did you demonstrate that identical units are available to purchase or lease for the same price.
You got nailed in the housing bubble. I told people 25 years ago that housing costs would collapse. You can’t have housing appreciate at 3 times the inflation rate forever. It’s not possible. Unfortunately, it sounds like you got hit twice. Sorry to hear that. I almost went through the same thing myself when I was looking to move closer to my last job. Had I not noticed a stagnated market in the area I was looking in I would be living in a depressed market while looking for another job. My last company was THE business in town.
You are guaranteed a loss in perpetuity in an apartment. If you own a house you can always rent it (at a profit above the payment) if you can’t sell it. Rent doesn’t go down in a bad economy so it’s a good hedge for inflation.
You’ve made very good points in the up-front costs of a house and what can happen with: job loss, housing bubbles, and divorce. Your case is a hat-trick of ill-timing. However, in this case, the potential buyer is in the market at the bottom of the bubble which gives leverage on the future value of the house (and the money invested). The payments can be made by one person and the house can be paid off in 10 years using the same amount that will be paid toward rent. There is little financial downside to this particular investment while there is a total loss of equity in renting.
Continued payment (rent) in exchange for service (living quarters) is not a loss in perpetuity.
That is absolutely absurd. You can not always do any such thing.
I pointed out that the potential buyers were good with their hands. Sweat equity is an excellent way to leverage property. Virtually everything I own was leveraged with my labor. In 20 years there were only 2 items that I paid other people to do and that was replace the gas/water line to the house and the roofing of my 2 story which required a complete tear off and sheeting. I built my garage myself as well as every other project around the house. The advantage of owning a house is that home projects are a better investment in time. If I had to pay for the garage I built it would have been $20,000. I spent $5,000 in material plus some beer for friends when needed. At the time I built my garage I probably had $150 of disposable income a week. Divide that my 40 hrs that comes out to a wage of $3.75. This is the wage hr to use when calculating how long it would take to pay something off… It would have taken me 5,333 hrs of labor to pay for the garage and I built it in 1/10th the time.
So what? Many people would rather use their time to do other things. You cannot deny that time represents an expense that needs to be taken into account when you are considering an investment. You are saying it doesn’t count, and that is wrong.
You’re hearing a lot of negative about home ownership here, but let me re-assure you, it has tremendous upsides, too. Your house is YOUR house - you want to take walls out? Get the sledgehammer. You want to paint the entire inside black? Off to the paint store. Yards are a lot of work, yes, but I love that work - I find it very calming and relaxing to putter in my yard. I guess that’s the bottom line - do you and your wife both want to own a house? If you both do, you both have to find a way to make it happen. If you both don’t, you need to work that out.
Don’t be afraid to do a lot the legwork without her, though, if she really does want a house, but doesn’t want to actually do the work to get one. You can do a lot of the preliminary stuff without her - I spent a lot of time looking at online listings and going to open houses on my own to get acquainted with the market here, and I was well-educated by the time it came time to actually start looking seriously. Maybe you can make that your hobby for now, and leave her alone for a bit to get herself sorted out.
If what you want to do is live in a house, and what she wants to do is rent so she is not tied down, why don’t you just rent a house instead of an apartment?
You know, you can rent a single family dwelling, you dont need to rent a flat or a condo …
You would have the garage workshop space, the yard for the dog and a garden and still not be tied down to a mortgage
If your username is representative of you, though, you might be handier than the average bear 
In a market like the SF Bay Area a couple of years ago, where a condo was selling for $1 million and a pretty much equivalent apartment a few blocks away was renting for $2400/month, you couldn’t. Check whether housing and rental prices are in line with each other in your area before planning anything like that.
Not everybody does, though. I did some the first year we were in our house, when we were too poor to hire someone to do it, and I hated it. I can’t imagine how anyone could possibly find it relaxing. But a lot of people probably can’t imagine how someone could find reading popular science books relaxing, as I do.
You don’t magically turn into a homeowner who knows how to do all the handy stuff and loves puttering in the yard when you sign the paperwork for a house. Or if that’s supposed to happen, it doesn’t appear to have worked when Mr. Neville closed on our house.
There are downsides to owning a house. You should be honest with yourself before you make the decision to buy about what those downsides will be and how much they’re likely to affect you.
I know someone who owns a house and talks about how low her mortgage payments are, but then complains about the $300/month she pays for heat during the winter. So beware of buying too much house.
I’m one of those people who are leery about home ownership. It’s a committment, and I’ve never lived in the same place long enough to feel secure enough to settle down. When the economy is rough, it just seems risky to do anything with large sums of money, even if it makes rational sense and could be an enjoyable experience. She’s probably heard all the horror stories about what could go wrong and doesn’t want to be another statistic.
Maybe she likes the rental place a whole lot more than you do? I know I like my little apartment. It feels like it’s “mine” even though I know it’s not.
It’s absolutely a loss of net worth. The longer the rent, the greater the loss.
At most we’re talking long distance rentals which are routinely handled with a property manager. Sorry your life sucks but there will never be a better time to buy a house than right now for the op in question. Interest rates are low, housing prices have plummeted and the op has 2 incomes capable of paying for a house.
In your case I would advise against a house. You should not buy it if your situation is tenuous.
You’re so full of shit it’s incredible. Don’t start dropping any moronic comments about my life because you don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.
You have done absolutely nothing to prove your point. Not the first thing. Almost every statement you’ve made has been totally wrong.
My life doesn’t suck at all. I just happen to know what I’m talking about, and am prepared to back up any statement you wish to challenge.
It’s not a net loss; you’re getting something for your money. You pay rent and you get a place to stay–fair trade.
Renting has been a better deal than owning for the last 7 or 8 years now, at least where I live. People who think differently aren’t taking into account the full costs of home ownership.
Depends on where the OP is located, but buying can absolutely be the wrong decision–house prices are still falling in plenty of places and buying in a falling market can easily drive people into bankruptcy.
And you’re reaching the wrong conclusion regarding interest rates–the best time to buy is when interest rates are high–high interest rates drive down house prices, and you can always refinance when interest rates fall. Low price with high interest rates gives you a lot more options than low interest rates, high price.
Also, buying a house that requires two incomes to afford is a recipe for disaster; you have twice the probablity of being unable to afford house payments in the event of unexpected job loss.
Whether you rent or buy the cash flow is used to purchase a hard asset. the difference is that renters are making payments on someone else’s asset. Occupants pay the property taxes, upkeep, and utilities regardless of whether they rent or own. The only savings realized would be in the size of the house/apartment lived in. If you compare apples to apples, they are the same costs.
That is true in normal conditions if you correctly predict the market. But the housing bubble burst and the price of houses have almost universally fallen. NOW is the time to buy because you have the advantage of a depressed market at low interest rates. High interest rates greatly reduce the principle payment in the early part of a loan.
The op has stated that one of the incomes is enough to buy a house as well as the fact that a house can be fully purchased in 10 years with the same cash flow as renting. There is no downside to that scenario.