My wife thinks she has precognition, X-ray vision and a supercalculator brain

The BBQ Pit
41

Thank you very much.

Actually, I’m glad you brought this up. (Or down, depending on how you want to interpret font size.) I’m hoping for some clarification. I should probably do this in ATMB, or via e-mail, but since the subject has been broached …

The conversation I’m quoting between Aries28 and myself actually happened – complete with my dazzling verbal ripostes. And yes, we both do get frustrated about minor, petty stuff like the amount we spend on each other for Christmas. I tend to use humor as a safety valve on many things when I’m frustrated, so when I post some rants here I try to inject humor into them. I’m not always successful, but that’s another story.

In this instance, though, I’m not really frustrated at the lovely and talented Aries28. I’m frustrated that she found the two gifts I thought I had hidden well enough under the tree, but such is life. And I’m aware of the recent discussions/debates regarding joke threads in the Pit.

All of which leaves me wondering where exactly I should put little missives like this. I’m ranting, in a way, but I’m also trying to make light of the situation, in a way. The situation I’m describing isn’t nearly as momentous as, say, losing a job, or getting robbed, or something that would truly qualify as rant-inducing. Most of the rants I’ve posted in the past describe life situations that would qualify as minor irritations – irritations that I hope enough people share to make it a fairly common complaint. I want to lampoon those irritations, and allow people to make fun of them, or me, or whatever, so that they can read these things and say, “I’m not alone! That bugs somebody else, too!”

Does this qualify as more of an MPSIMS-type thread? Or is it vitriolic enough for the Pit?

I like writing for the Pit, just because … well, truthfully, I don’t know why “just because.” I’m a sarcastic bastard much of the time, so I feel more at home here. But I’m certainly sensitive to the rules and guidelines under which we’re allowed to post on the boards.

All of which is a rather longwinded way of saying if I should put these things in MPSIMS in the future, I’ll be happy to.

42

That’s enough to convince me - if an annoying situation prompted you to write this, in my book it’s a pit. But if I was you I’d still email a mod to check. I hear they like people to do that…

43

As long as you keep posting Sauron! I love you and Aries28’s posts!

Some days they keep me from going postal. And they always make me laugh!!

:smiley:

44

Gifts are never too well hidden for women to find…

FYI :slight_smile:

45

Some more misdirection you may consider:

Get a credit card just for Christmas. Put the present on the credit card. Since you didn’t pay for it THEN, it doesn’t count until January, when you pay it off.

Pro-rate the Christmas money. Kinda like NFL teams do with a signing bonus (e.g. They give they guy $15 million, but it counts as $5 million a year over the course of a 3 year deal). Figure out how long a gift will last, then you can pro-rate it over the course of that time. If you want to get even sneakier, count the gifts she gives you as a trade, so you don’t get caught in a Christmas Cap crunch three years down the road.

The Gift For The Whole Family someone mentioned above-DVD sets count, cause everybody can watch them. There you go.

Count gifts towards her birthday, then forget all about it and buy her stuff for her birthday anyway.

Get other people to give her gifts. Make them up. Tell her you got this weird box of stuff from Second Cousin Cletus, all for her. Feign innocence at all times. Act surprised when she opens the box.

46

This was well worth the read.
However, why is it that * at the same time* guys can be so damn thick headed and freaking transparent?

And, as I write this, Mr Ujest is merrily barging through the shoppers frenzy with a berzerker frenzy about him ( and daughter in tow.) looking for something to give to me for Xmas as he blew it on my birthday. And he will buy whatever it is with great relish mustard too…

I decided to just give in accept my fate of receiving kitchen appliances or garden tools for the rest of my natural life.

47

In my opinion, this is a genuine rant, even if it’s presented in a humorous way. And since this is MY pit, MY opinion counts most of all.

Sauron, it seems to me, is actually at least a little bit pissed that his wife has figured out two of her presents. He’s probably more pissed that she decided to confront him about this when he’s been immobilized (fittingly enough, he’s been transfixed by another Evil Eye). He’s also upset that his wife knows him too well, and she’s caught on to his little game of exceeding the budget limits they both agree on. So this thread is fair game for the Pit, especially since it seems that Sauron has bought a gift that she already has.

However, in husband-and-wife threads (or, for that matter, partner-and-partner threads), we prefer the tone to be not DEADLY vicious. We do not wish to be party to a divorce action.

Lynn
For the Straight Dope

48

Oh, and if you want precognition, guess what my mother bought me for christmas? The same books that she realised, in the nick of time, that I was going to buy her!

49

Hmf. I just got the delightful surprise of finding out that a CD that I bought for myself (the remastered original cast recording of Gypsy with Ethel Merman!) happened to be sitting, wrapped, in the Christmas basket that supervenusfreak gathered together for me several weeks ago. This after a conversation way back in October about how supervenusfreak and his sister have a tradition of declaring a moratorium on buying CDs or movies for themselves around Christmas for just such a reason. And, not knowing that not five feet away was an exact facsimile of said CD (which had arrived in today’s mail), I told supervenusfreak about having received the remastered original cast recording of Gypsy with Ethel Merman today.

I’m never, ever, ever going to hear the end of it. Ever. Ever.

Ever.

50

I very carefully avoided buying ANY books, musical recordings, or movies (in whatever format) for the past three months. I have, however, been very carefully adding things to my Amazon wish list. I showed it to my husband. “But which do you REALLY want?” So I carefully filled a shopping basket, and told him that he could add or delete items. He was unable to complete the checkout process. So I did it myself, adding a few bits here and there. If he can’t be bothered, he’s gonna PAY. He did wrap most of the books when they arrived, and left some unwrapped, because he said that he knew I would want to open a couple of them early.

He went out and bought his own presents, too…a couple of power tools.

51

Wow! Considering the tack some of these posts were have bound to have taken, and indeed have, I am amazed that no one has made this observation, namely:

Wouldn’t precognition, X-ray vision, and a supercalculator brain be the sort of qualities you would expect a wife of Sauron to have?

52

I’m sorry, but when I read “jewel encrusted marital aids”, the only thing I could think about was a diamond-covered dildo. Presumably, the diamonds would be rounded off to prevent… unfortunate incidents.

Myself and my mind will be in this gutter for the forseeable future.

53

Sauron Rocketh.

54

I just have to ask: in divorce proceedings how much weight would the judge give to the fact that the respondent actually pitted his wife?

55

One of my wife’s perennial complaints is that I’m impossible to shop for. Like Dangerosa’s husband, I have a tendency to pick up things I like as soon as they come out, finances permitting. A group of us exchange presents, and circulate lists of what we’d like; every year I have trouble trying to come up with things I haven’t yet gotten, then trying to keep from buying them while I’m doing my Christmas shopping (but it’s on sale NOW! I might not be able to get it this cheap if I don’t get it as a present is my usual rationale). Every year she goes nuts trying to figure out what to get me, while I breeze through stores finding all kinds of things for her.

56

Got another thing for you to try try Sauron. Our government does this all the time. DEFICIT SPENDING! You’re spending the money you’re going to make at some point in the future.

What age are you (hah) PLANNING on retiring? You can say this is the money coming from your future retirement fund. Or, you can lump spend for a future time range. This is the money earmarked for years 75-80 in your marriage, which you will spend now, but promise not to spend when you reach those years.

In the event she counters with “There’s no way we’ll survive to 75 years of marriage,” you put on your best puppy dog look and meekly reply with “You don’t think our love will last forever?”

This will get you oral sex during halftime.

57

It was originally $124 for a pair of black slacks, a shirt and a pair of jeans. I then found a gift certificate thingy that saved me $25. I thought I did quite well. :wink:

Hi, The13thUnicorn. Welcome to the SDMB.

The rest of you: Don’t give him ways to get around the pre-set spending limit. He does this EVERY holiday where you give gifts. EVERY single freaking one. Just ONCE I want to give him the better gift.

One year we gave each other our gifts and when we finished I pulled out a really nice new sweater I had hidden. He smiles and thanks me then pulls out a box with a pearl necklace. Bastard. :wink:

58

Now that I have a photo of the Sauron and Aries Clan, I can now make tiny finger puppets out of them and have real conversations with them!

59

Note to self

Don’t ever send dantheman a picture in his Christmas card again.

60

Thanks, Lynn. I really should have e-mailed with that question, as Shade noted. God knows you guys have enough to deal with; I don’t wanna cause any further grief.

She has not! I’m not listening! Lalalalalalala …

Or … have I? :dubious: Heh-heh-heh.

See, the problem is, we have some substantial credit card debt already. And we’ve been working on paying it down. And I’m kinda the one who harps on the credit cards all the time. (“Honey, I would have gotten you that BMW you wanted, but these darn credit card payments …”) So I can’t really go as whole-hog as I’d like with Christmas spending.

She’s mentioned a few times she’d like a piano, so I checked the pricing on a few models. Sadly, the term “baby grand” apparently does not mean “$1,000 in small bills buys you this piano.”

Spoiler tags, dammit! SPOILER TAAAAGS!

And on preview:

See?! See?! She does it too! I’m vindicated!

dantheman: Your conversational recreation is eerily accurate. You have captured the spirit around our house. Although, I’m more likely to tell her I’ve sold one of the children, rather than their toys. She’s cool with that, as long as she gets to pick the kid.