Name the Aardvark! A Contest

We, meaning those of us who refer to ourselves as the BostonDopers, have adopted an aardvark as our group mascot (at least, in my twisted little mind, we have). However, the poor little guy has no name, as yet. This is unacceptable. It’s offensive to the dignity of this magnificent creature. Can you imagine addressing such an awesome being as “Yo! Aardvark!”? Of course not! It’s absurd to even contemplate.

So, we need to figure out what his name is. I’ve asked, but what with the long snout and tongue not being ideally designed for speech (his, not mine!), however elegant it may appear, and the Afrikaans accent, I’m not sure I understand a lot of what he says. (I’m working on it. Mostly he seems to mumble about ants and termites.)

So, I turn to you for help in determining a suitably snazzy, yet dignified, name for our honored guest. Arthur wouldn’t have been too bad; oodles of dignity, and a connection to a cool legend. But, it’s already taken, by that cartoon freak. (An aardvark with no nose?!? What the heck were they thinking?) Aaron has been suggested (thanks, tanookie!) but, while dignified, and suitably endowed with A’s, it lacks something in the pizzazz department.

Therefore, it is my privilege (because I thought of it, and I have too little to do at work) to announce the Name the Aardvark Contest! Open to all Dopers, this is a rare opportunity to pit your creativity, knowledge, class, and flattery and bribery skills against a world-class group of competitors for the coveted title of…umm…[sub]Aardvark Name Thinker-Upper? Critter Creativity-something? Miss Universe? Ah![/sub]…Honorary Advisor to the Aardvark! OOooohs are heard from the audience

All suggestions (for names for the aardvark, not places I should go, anatomically impossible things I should do to myself, or medications I should try) are welcome and will be given due consideration. (Now that I think about it, the other type of suggestions will also receive their due.)

Prizes will be awarded for the usual categories; Most Creative, Most Beautiful, Miss Congeniality, Honorable Mention, Dishonorable Discharge (How’d that one get in here? It sounds like a Victorian euphemism for a social disease.) (It’s not, is it?), etc. Probably a few unusual categories, as well. By entering, all contestants acknowledge that all decisions of the judge (that’s me) are wise, arbitrary, and final (subject to late-arriving bribes of greater value).

Note: Employees of Al’s Aardvarks and Auto Alignments, and their relatives, are ineligible. The title of Official Advisor to the Aardvark remains the property of the contest organizer.

Hey you forgot to drag my other suggestion over to this thread!

Aaron the Amazingly Artistic and Adventurous Aardvark from Atlantis

And I also humbly submit (since the aardvark can be female too!)

Aphrodite the Alluring Aardvark

Pizzazz! Bah!

Since you’re right next door to Cambridge, and I’m sure the aardvark’s a smart aardvark, how about

Fair Aardvark.


I don’t know why no one suggested Cecil the Aardvark. It seems only logical.

Annabelle the Alliterative Aardvark who loves Adventuring in Amsterdam?

The Big Digger

Hmmmm… and just how, one may ask, does one become a member of this elite club known as “The BostonDopers”? Is there a membership fee? Weekly meetings? Secret handshake? Or is it enough to simply live in the Boston area? If the latter, I don’t remember being consulted on this whole mascot thing…

As for a name, I’d have to go with Antsy the Aardvark. Barring that, there’s always Bob.




Yeah, I was lazy. I didn’t want to hurt my back lugging that big honking name around.

But, how can you bah pizzazz? Pizzazz has pizza in it!

As is Click N’ Clack’s “our fair city”? I suppose I could name him Harv. Then he’d be Harv Aardvark. :smiley:

Uh oh! You guys are going to have to come up with something really good, if you don’t want to have to live with that. I like that one, being an unrepentant punslinger.

A literary allusion. Not bad!

We have our first winner! Casey1505 takes the Suck-Up Award home.

It sounds like it should be shipped in a plain brown package.

Jo. Short for Joseph.

SIZE=1]::ducks and runs::[/SIZE]

I actually considered Bob, for its incongruity. Antsy is too cutesy.

As for the BostonDopers, see the link in this thread.

It is a plain brown package! Well, really, it’s a cardboard box, with the word Hoover on it.

Jo? As in “Jo mama!”?

Jeff, God of Biscuits.

Do aardvarks like biscuits?

If he has the Afrikaans accent, you’d best name him something culturally fitting- Joost, Andre, Nelson maybe?

Nelson Aardvark Mandela… kinda catchy, eh?




*originally posted by * Davebear

Yes, but only if it’s a really funky Aardvark, of course. Otherwise it would be just silly.

Since you guys ah from Boston shouldnt you just call him Odd-Vahk?

My son calls his fuzzy stuffed animal aardvark “strip-ee” dont ask why…Im not sure either.

I’m partial to the name Algernon but I hear he was a mouse.

L l oyd?