Naming the unborn.

QueenAl, that’s wonderful. I always thought mine looked like something from Alien. Then she started kicked and I was sure she was something from alien.

We knew the sex of our daughter early. We had her name picked out at approximately six months. We didn’t use it until after she was born. For a couple of reasons: superstition was part of it. We also thought we might change our mind, so we didn’t want to call her by her name, then have to explain to everyone why we changed our minds.

Most of my girlfriends didn’t call their babies by their names until after they were born - maybe there is a regional or cultural component?

Here is an interesting aside: Most of the people I know with kids adopted internationally refer to their kids by their birth names until arrival. My son was Chang Ho until he came home at six months, then became Alex.

Well, to throw in my own 1/50 of a dollar…

We did not call our children by name before birth. In fact, we didn’t even call our children by name after birth either. According to Jewish custom, baby boys are named by the circumcision and baby girls are named in the synagouge during the week following their birth. Until then, we usually just called the kids “the baby” or “the boy” or “the crying, screaming, puking, sleeping thing.” (OK, so I’m kidding on the last one).

My wife and I tend to have different philosiphies anyway. I pretty much refused to even discuss names with my wife until the baby arrived (whenever she asked for suggestions, I would throw out “Warbulton” for a boy and “Warbelina” for a girl.) It drove her a bit crazy, since she likes to have things planned out to the last detail. I, OTOH, didn’t want to start considering names until the baby got here (yeah, it’s a bit of unwarranted superstition on my part…)

Zev Steinhardt

Actually it’s Conor.

This bothers me, since that spelling reads like “con-ORR”.

How common is this among non-Jewish types? It seems to also be the custom in Denmark. When I got a new adopted niece last year, the family kept calling her “Baby girl” right up until the christening 6 weeks or so after the birth. They never told me her name until afterwards.

Naming after birth - though everybody narrows their choices down long beforehand, I’m sure - also appeals to my sense of drama. :wink:

My brother and his wife (3 kids) have never known the sex or named any of their babies beforehand. They do get ultrasounds, but they like to keep it a surprise.

They have actually waited until the very day they leave before they name - a few times we were worried the kid would leave unnamed. They ask for suggestions from family visitors (although they have never picked one of my names, they do ask), they believe they can’t name a baby until they have seen him or her.

And I like the names they have picked for their kids - Collin, Carleigh and Grant.

In my family, all fetuses are called B.J. until birth. (That stands for “Billy Joe” for a male and “Bobbi Jo” for a female.) My little wrist-thing said “B.J. Baby Girl” instead of my name for my first couple of days.

I actually named the second of my two brothers in the hospital about a day and a half after his birth.

A couple of friends of ours had a naming ceremony a full two weeks after the birth - we were all to dress in “faerie” attire and bring a token gift, along with a wish for the new arrival. In essence, we were all “fairy godmothers!” I thought it was awfully cutesy, but I did enjoy it quite a bit, and it was certainly more tasteful than giving the fetus a name at quickening or first ultrasound or whenever.

In Illinois, if you do not name your child within 24 hours of the birth, the birth will be recorded as ‘Baby Boy Lastname’ or ‘Baby Girl Lastname’ and you will have to file an additional form with the state to get it changed when you do name it.

In New York, they simply issue the birth certificate with a blank first name and instructions on how to get it changed when you finally decide on a name (provided you do it within six months). So far, we’ve gone through the process three times.

Zev Steinhardt

Maybe some of it is just the result of living in the touchy-feely modern world.

We suffered two late miscarriages before our two surviving children were born; in both cases they were medically classified as ‘non-viable foetus’, rather than ‘stillborn baby’ - 28 weeks is the cutoff for this, I believe.
In both cases a full labour was necessary and it just didn’t seem right to sweep everything under the carpet - they were small but perfectly formed, but sadly lifeless babies to us (they really were, right down to the fingernails), no matter what the textbooks might call them. On an emotional level, it was completely right for us to respect these tiny beings by naming them.

Fortunately the hospital was very sensitive about the whole thing and they voluntarily funded ‘proper’ burials for both of them (I realise that some people reading are probably reeling in disbelief now, stay with me…). We are Christians and although I’m not at all certain when, how(and sometimes indeed if) an organism acquires what could be described as ‘a soul’, it just seemed ‘right’ to be respectful about the whole thing.

Did the NHS waste resources on us? Possibly, but consider that we probably attained a more complete sense of closure than we might otherwise have done, perhaps omission here would have led to some other burden in the future (i.e. counselling, psychiatric care or some such).

Did naming them actually perform any useful purpose? Yes, I believe it did; we aren’t forced to use awkward terms like ‘the first one we lost’(or worse); we can use a name. Of course the names don’t link to any idea of personality for us, but(for us at least) they were an intrinsic and I would say almost essential part of the picture.

In Wisconsin, you have until you leave the hospital for the birth certificate (about 2 days in my SIL’s cases), but (according to my brother and his wife) legally a year after the birth to name your child. Not that they’ve ever waited that long.

A family in Bakersfield, when I was a kid, didn’t name any of the kids (7 kids, I think) 'till they were like 5 or 6, when the kid had a say in it. They would have a party to announce the name. Sounds pretty wierd, but it seemed to work out pretty well for them. Up until then they would refer to the child by his/her birth order. “Mary, have you seen four anywhere?” Mostly they used pet names, or toe’s, like “honey”, or “sister”.
One of them actually took the family dog’s name. “Butch” :smiley: Butch was a girl dog, BTW
All us kids thought it was ireally cool.

If anyone remembers the skier Picabo Street, her parents did something much the same. Didn’t name her until what we’d all consider a very late age. Of course, when they DID, it became quite apparent why they’d waited - couldn’t come up with one decent name between 'em. :wink: :wink: :wink:

The couple who were directors of our summer camp when I was a kid referred to their unborn as “Bud”, for “Baby Under Development”. Thomas Jr. ended up carrying that nickname for a lot of years.

One of my oldest friends (who I met at that summer camp when we were kids) is pregnant, just found out this week. I asked her if she was referring to the zygote as “Bud”, and she sheepishly admitted that around their house it’s being called “the puppy”, because that’s how they are explaining it to their dog.

Natalie and I didn’t name our son until after he was born. We’d narrowed it down to either Michael or Scott, then decided on Michael after holding him for a few hours.

Then a week or so ago I turn on the news and find that Michael was the most common boy’s name of 2002. :rolleyes:

I think that in the days of higher infant mortality, it made sad sense not to give a name to a creature who might not see his or her first birthday. It was almost a anti-bonding, a way to try to minimize the attatchment in order to minimize the emotional devastation. Nowadays, in developed countries, because of higher survival rates and fewer pregnancies, it’s less of a risk to become attached to a baby, even before birth.

I’ve made lists of baby names since I was a kid, and I drive my husband crazy asking him, “What do you think of this name for a girl? What do you think of that name with our last name?” We both agree that for us, the final decision will be made once the kid is born. We’re not going to know what name absolutely, really fits until we all meet in person.

Of course, sometimes even ultrasounds don’t reveal the truth. My parents were repeatedly told that they were going to have a baby girl. The OB-GYN was almost as surprised as they were when (my third little brother the)Child Genius was born. Luckily, they hadn’t started calling him any specific name yet.

In our family, the actual name is announced at the christening; before then, the baby is referred to by a nickname. I was Ykä, which translates to “puke”. (I love my parents, really I do.) Then again, The Eldest was referred to as Musti, which is the Finnish equivalent of “Spot”: the archetypal “dog name”. I was really disappointed when he turned out to be a baby instead of a puppy. I’ve seen this in many other Finnish families as well, but I don’t know how widespread it really is.

My wife and I had an interim name for our baby until she was born. At her confirmation, she took her interim name for her confirmation name.

Friends of ours called their baby “Ignaz” until she was born, thereafter Susan.

We called our in utero baby by a nickname until we found out his gender. Then each day we would call him by a different name until we we settled on the name we liked the best–Aaron–and we’ve used that ever since. Of course, since he was born 17 months ago, we have a half dozen nicknames we use when we talk to him. He was called Aaron in utero more than he is now.

My parents didn’t name any of us for several hours.
They belong to the camp that waits to see what name “suits” the baby…my younger sister was called “Patsy Puker” for her entire first day. My father has an odd sense of humour.

In the UK and Ireland it is much less common for parents to know the sex prior to the birth, so most people do the nickname thing.

My friend had her son on Thursday. He was called Sprocket for the entire pregnancy, Liam for about an hour, and then finally Piers…which apparently is sticking.

I think that if the family have a name picked out (and if the baby is to be named after someone, especially so) it is only right that that name is used. Whatever happens.

If they don’t have a name, and don’t want to chose one, that is of course their preogative.