Hey Target-thanks for the “Christmas discount” on the ribbon and bows I bought for my Hannukah presents. What happened to the war on Christmas, though? Would it kill you to call it a holiday discount since I am obviously buying a Hannukah selection (and seriously why does it have to be “Christmas bow package” and “Holiday bow package” when the former is green and red and the latter is all blue, white and silver?)
Yes-I am the one waging war on Christmas. Merry Christmas to you too.
Soon, Citizen, you will be asked to report to that Department of Judeo-Christian Values that John Kasich wants to create, so they can educate you on how Christmas makes you free.
Eeeww. I just commented on someone’s post on Facebook and they immediately started looking through my profile and liking all my stuff and then they asked for my phone number and private messaged me. Dude, ease up!
We can’t have nice things anymore. I’m taking everyone’s holidays away while we all go and sit in our corners and think about what we’ve done.
My favorite was a few years ago when Hanukkah started a couple of days before Christmas. Target put all their Hanukkah stuff on clearance, even though the holiday was far from over!
An Aunt I haven’t seen since I was a kid recently found me on FB. She did the same thing, and resurrected old-ass posts by commenting on them. She’s sweet and all, but it’s been 4 decades and we don’t know each other. Some comments didn’t apply.
This afternoon I was stopped at a red light, waiting to make a left turn. There were two left turn lanes, and I was in the leftmost one. As the light changed, the car to my right, in the rightmost left turn lane, made a U turn across my lane. I may have said a few things.
Promise?? Because I am already sick and tired of the smell of cinnamon-ated pine cones and the sound of xmas music and the constant, incessant, ongoing urging to buybuybuy nownownow. And it’s not even Thanksgiving. Dammit, I like Thanksgiving. Could we please pretty please cancel all the other holidays and save Thanksgiving? Cook, eat, chat a bit, watch football and take a nap. Perfect holiday.
Can someone also confiscate the cinnamon-soaked brooms? What the hell do people do with those things anyway??
I’ve had people, new to Facebook, comment, “hey! I’m here too! Where are you? We’re sitting by the big window!!”
Ummm, I was there in 2011.
Dear Dog:
It’s bad enough that you despise the cold so fiercely that you poop indoors the second I turn my back, so as to avoid being taken outside. It’s worse that you try and hide you crime by quickly gobbling up the evidence (you aren’t a poop eater under most circumstances). It’s the absolute fucking pits that you then retreat to your kennel and barf up a stomach full of kibble and feces all over your bedding. Right now you are goddamn lucky that I have:
A) a wary, hopeful belief in the notion of karma;
B) way too much white liberal self-satisfaction over being an adopter of shelter dogs to seriously consider taking you back; and
C) no good place to hide a 55 lb. body.
:mad:
looks guilty
I just really like cinnamon, okay? Sorry…!
My coworker finally got me to snap. Everyone knows I have a fuse pretty long, but she found the end of it. She has this disrespectful habit of snapping at you, repeatedly, in answer to a simple question, then apologizing. WTF is the point of the apology when you’re just going to do it again a couple of weeks later? Well she did it today for the fourth or fifth time and I finally lost my temper. Even when I lose my temper I don’t yell! She apologized, again, but really, after a point your apology means nothing. I swear, I am going to try never to ask her anything again - and certainly not help her. Sink or swim, it’s your problem.
I have pretty much given up on cooking as my superpower. Last spring, I took up gardening. Actually, I took up raising monarch butterflies which took planting milkweed. (I actually did pretty well and released 6 butterflies for their grand migration.)
I also bought some other seeds that were supposed to be attractive for butterflies. One of the plants had beautiful flowers and I collected the seeds.
Because I did so well with the butterflies, I thought I’d get an early start on next years garden and planted some milkweed and those unnamed seeds in pots. Hey, superpowers are important, right?
So, I didn’t label the pots. Now they are sprouting and need to be thinned, but I don’t know what is what so I don’t know how far to thin them. Hmmmm, maybe this superpower needs more work.
Hey, at least you have things growing and not melting, smoking, or on fire! 
goes to check on chicken roasting in big cast iron dutch oven with stuffing and root vegetables
What? 
I have a brown thumb. Just jealous.
So, the guy before me at my new job was stealing. Now I have to redo all of his work in order to come up with an actual dollar amount. He worked there for a year.
:mad::mad::mad:
It’s going to take weeks.
Sounds like job security for you though? And you’re already suppassing your predecessor!
Dear King of the World,
I’m glad that you are enjoying your subway ride into our nations capital. Now, get your elbow out of my face. Get your elbow out of my face. We both bought the same ticket on this godforsaken overcrowded train. You are not entitled to half of my seat.
I hope you have a terrible day.
Yeah, I’ll give you a pass. 
Heck, I just allowed a cinnamon-flavored product into my house. My mom bought some supposedly pumpkin spice-flavored popcorn not too long ago…she said she was disgusted by the amount of cinnamon in it. Not wanting to waste food – but not being a big pumpkin fan either – I tasted it. There’s no pumpkin flavor at all; in fact, it reminds me a lot of cinnamon toast (especially the kind made with that cinnamon/sugar blend in the shaker with the penguin on it).
Humpf! I’ll have you to know that I have a stack of take out menus and I know how to use them!!!
Actually, plants are much easier than cooking. Mostly because they don’t catch on fire!
My rant: We were attacked by a stupid little barky dog at the dog park today. The idiot owner didn’t have her dog leashed and it was running around causing problems with all of the properly leashed dogs outside of the play area. It nipped at my leg, so I kicked it away. Cue ranting and raving from the owner. While she was yelling at me, stupid dog went after a different large dog who had always been very happy to play in the park. That dog bit the uncontrolled dog, picked it up, shook it and tossed it. When it hit the ground, it was bleeding and couldn’t get up.
I’m sorry for the little barky dog. I’m angry at the owner. This could have been avoided if only she was a responsible dog owner and had her dog leashed like she was supposed to. (IMHO, the big dog who hurt barky dog was blameless.)