Please hold all questions and applause until the end of this post.
Everyone knows that the moon landings were all faked, each and every one staged at a super secret movie set in downtown Los Angeles. Who faked these “historic” events? NASA, that’s who. They generated so much money and publicity off these hoaxes that the high muckity-mucks decided to diversify. But expand where?
Think about it - NASA, NASCAR. NASA, NASCAR. NASA stands for “National Aeronautics and Space Administration”. NASCAR ostensibly stands for “National Association of Stock CAr Racing”. Wait a minute, shouldn’t that be NASCR? Why use the extra ‘A’ from ‘Car’? The only organization to make acronyms like that is - the government! NASA is a quasi-government agency and as such they would have no qualms about adding the extra ‘A’ to NASCR to get NASCAR in order to bury their entire acronym in the subsidiary. It’s so simple, once you know the facts.
During the next televised race, notice the lighting. The shadows just don’t look right, do they? Of course they don’t. You’re just seeing pictures of technically advanced slot cars racing around a fabricated racetrack IN THE SAME STUDIO WHERE THE MOON WALK WAS FAKED! And how about the rocks? You think every track around the country would have the same rocks around the track apron and infield? Watch carefully and you will see THE SAME ROCK is in THE SAME POSITION ON THE TRACK no matter what track they are SUPPOSEDLY RACING! The idiots thought we wouldn’t notice, but I did. Yes, sir, I noticed.
Oh? You say you’ve been to a NASCAR race live and in person and saw it with your own eyes? It couldn’t be faked? One word, my friend - holograms. That’s right, NASA projects a life sized hologram of the faked race to a different location each week. You heard the roar of the engines? Giant loudspeakers synced to the holographic display. Smelled the gas, oil, and burning rubber? Olifactory illusions created by the masterful holograms and digitally reproduced sounds along with a measured dose of mass hallucination. There are answers to all your concerns, children. You may not like the answers, but the are the cold, hard truth.
Why do you think NASCAR has an off season? It’s too cold to race cars? Unlikely, compadre. I drive my car in the winter, how about you? No, our friends at NASA need this time to write story lines and scripts for the upcoming season. They are by trade technical writers. It takes time (and considerable consultation from the WWF)to translate that into a realistic TV story.
I expect, dear friends, now that I have exposed this dirty little secret, that my life is quite worthless. I am expecting at any time to be whisked away on a government spaceship to live forever with Elvis, Hoffa, Ernhart, and the Lindberg baby. Wish for me that I’ll be happy there. My service here is done.
