need advice(horrible story)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I want to preface this by acknowledging that what i did was a horrible thing. Dont read further if you do not want to read a fairly disturbing story. seriously

My senior year of highschool i was the cause of a traffic accident. I had been drinking. My friend in the backseat received a major wound in his neck, wihch required hundreds of stitches and months of recovery. An acquaintence in the seat next to me was undoubtedly psychology disturbed by the event. One of two people in the other car received injury as well. For reasons that i do not understand, i was not punished for this event. I did receive two moving violations.
I never denied being drunk to anyone at anytime.

I have since gone onto college at a large state university after two years of community college. I have done fairly well in my studies. now in my senior year i am faced with the decision of what to do with the rest of my life. Despite the awful act which i am guilty of, i am a person and i do have dreams of my own. The event truly changed my life, and though i realize that this is of consolation to no one, the guilt which has eaten away at me every day for many years now has changed my outlook on life to where i want to do the most good that i possibly can with my life. I also want to someday have a family and maybe live somewhere nice.

to my own horror, i have discovered that the skills which the creator gave to me are particularly suited for an occupation in the legal field. Meaning i am very logical and very good with memorization, and interpreting and comprehending written material . I have taken a practice Law School Admissions Test, which along with my Grade POint average has given me confidence that i would be able to get into a good law school.

Of course, the problem with being a lawyer is obviously that lawyers are, ideally, instruments of the legal system, which is supposed to provide justice, and I of course would seem to be the actual personification of injustice.

With this in mind, i began thinking of alternate paths. I think that, perhaps another area which i would be fairly well suited would be in the military. Through the army OCS program i would be able to serve a function which i believe would create good in the world, while also bettering myself by becoming a true leader of men. I truly believe that providing protection and security to innocent civilians, be they Iraqi or not, is a worthy cause. However this is not meant to be a post concerning my views on military and/or political matters. It seems the army may well be a more noble and appropriate cause for me than law school.

As a political science major, i have not many options. These are the two which appeal to me most. Perhaps i am a monster for even considering law school. So my question is, what advice can you give me?

2

GuyIncognito, there is no reason that a youthful mistake should keep you out of a career in law. As a matter of fact, what you did would not disqualify you from a job as a police officer (I’m a cop, so I know), much less as a lawyer.

We all make mistakes. You faced whatever charges were filed against you, you learned from what you did and you’re a better person today. Stop beating yourself up. Go on with your life and do good things.

Good luck to you.

Thalion

3

You made a mistake, as we all do. I have made many. If you want to go to law school, do it. Denying yourself that isn’t going to change any past events. As long as you legally allowed to sit for the bar, that is. I see no hypocricy.

This is probably in the wrong forum.

4

Seems to me that you are mixing two meanings of justice. One is justice of the court system, where laws are applied by the judge, and a punishment in relation to the crime is given out. If you didn’t flee the scene of accident, didn’t lie to the police, or try anything else to escape the justice system, then the judge must have had some reason for not making you go to jail, but giving you moving violations instead.

Now, one purpose of the law, and the judge who administers the punishment, is to make sure you regret doing wrong, and that you won’t do it again. Since you sound as if you were changed by your sad experience, and have learned from it, why is it unreasonable that the judge saw that in your behaviour, and reasoned that sending you to prison wouldn’t help anybody, because you already had learned the lesson on your own?

The other meaning/aspect of justice is associated with fairness. But a prison sentence or huge monetary fine which financially cripples you for the next 30 years won’t undo anything that happened to your friends/passengers.

Nothing prevents you from doing your own personal best to repair the damage - paying the hospital bills of your friends, visiting them, stuff like that. Or generally trying to help others - give talks about the dangers of Drunk Driving to other teenagers, or similar.

And if you really want to help people in the future as a way to make up somehow, why not become a lawyer and help the poor people, pro bono? Or work towards a court reform, so the justice system becomes more just?

So go ahead, if your talents lie in that direction - it’s how you use them. We could certainly use more lawyers with a conscience instead of a wallet!

5

My brother’s friend (much older) had a similar accident when he was in high school. The three other people in the car were killed on impact when he hit a telephone pole in a Corvair. He barely got a scratch. I never talked to him about it, but I do know that he managed to put it behind him and went to college, got married, had a terrific family and is very productive. He is also a fine human being.

Not doing those things serves no one. You made a horrible mistake. You realize it. And it seems that you have been made a better, more thoughtful, more empathetic person in the process. You owe it to yourself, and to your talents themselves, to do the best you can with your gifts. If that leads you into law, so be it. The military, very honorable also.

Just think, with the conscience you have you might be able to turn around the the reputation lawyers have earned thus far.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

6

I do not wish to sound cold here, as I have nothing but sympathy to all of your passengers.

But, barring the acquistion of a time machine so you can go back and undo it, what, exactly, can you do?

You were charged under our judicial system. You took whatever punishment it dealt out.

For whatever it is worth, you need to go on now and live your own life. I am in no way suggesting that you ever forget what happened, just that you learn from it, understand that you have paid whatever debt, and go on.

As a lawyer, I think you might be a better one from knowing both sides of the coin. But whatever you decide, you can not keep beating yourself up about this.

The best thing you can do, IMHO, is continue to make something of yourself, and your life. Ultimately, that is the best thing you could do for society and your fellow man.

Please try, I would not presume to judge you, and I think you should quit trying to judge yourself.

Sincere best wishes…

7

Not exactly a general question, but rather looking for opinions.

Moved to IMHO.

samclem GQ moderator

8

Well, you weren’t a monster in highschool and you’re not a monster now. You’d only be a monster if you actually became a lawyer.

I’m kidding, of course, I just can’t resist lawyer jokes. The vast majority of lawyers I’ve met are very good people. My advice is to talk to your recruiter about OCS. There is a good chance the military would send you to law school. Additionally, the military might be very good at helping you achieve the self esteem needed to accept the tragedy that occured when you were 18. The military isn’t always about being a “leader of men”. Most times it’s just about being a better man.

Even if you don’t go OCS, consider serving in the Reserves or the National Guard while you pursue your law degree. They might help pay for law school, too.

-Good Luck

9

Lawyers aren’t the personification of justice. Or fairness. Or equity…

You are in a guilt trip. That’s not an accusation, it’s a statement of fact. Nothing wrong with guilt trips unless they keep you from doing what you oughta.

There was a case recently where someone who was driving way too fast smashed head-on against a van, killing everybody inside. The fast driver survived. He’s had to pay a 600€ fine: that’s the fine for driving at the speed he was driving (it’s considered “reckless driving”). The mother of the other driver and grandmother of 4 of the dead kids was on TV saying “yes, a part of me wants to slap this bastard back into his mother if he knows her. But another part wants to kill my son if that idiot wasn’t dead! Why weren’t none of them wearing seatbelts, you tell me!”

Repeat: lawyers aren’t the personification of justice. If lawyers were perfect people, none of them would ever get a divorce. You want to turn your skills into something positive? You are suited for the law and you like it? Then study it, and do some pro bono work. It’s not a way to “pay back for what you did”… it’s a way to pay forward the people who helped bring you to where you are.

10

Have you gotten any sort of therapy since the accident? You’re carrying around a ton of guilt for something that you should be able to put behind you. A therapist could help you deal with this and get on with your life. If you truly have a talent for becoming a lawyer, then by all means go for it. But that guilt is making you miserable, and unable to think clearly about your future.

11

The fact that you’re beating yourself up about this enough to consider not pursuing the career you’re clearly meant to pursue shows that you’re remorseful and have learned from your mistakes.

Go into law. And try to be the best and most honest lawyer there is. Try to help people in need. And if you can ever think of any appropriate kindnesses you can do for those who were hurt by your mistakes, do them.

That’s all you CAN do. Good luck with everything.

12

I agree with other posters- it’s over, move on. Do what makes you happy and what you will do best at. Let the past live in the past and stop punishing yourself already.

13

I agree with all the above, except, perhaps, “stop punishing yourself”. It sounds to me like you feel you haven’t been punished, but you believe you should be. It may be that you need to experience some true punishment before you can really forgive yourself.

Well, you can’t send yourself to jail. You can, however, find out what sort of monetary fines are given out for folks convicted of involuntary manslaugher (or vehicular homicide, or whatever you feel you are guilty of), and pay it. Pay it in the form of a donation to a hospital, a drunk driving program or local law enforcement. If it’s substantial, maybe set up a scholarship fund in your victim’s names.

If you don’t have that kind of money laying around, save it. Figure out what you absolutely need to live on - spartan, prisonlike conditions - and save the rest until you have it. No cable, no eating out, no internet connection, no Straight Dope, no dating. I do encourage you to go to school, however, and pay for that. Plenty of people study in prison (many study law), and you shouldn’t give yourself less than you would have in prison.

Live this way as many years as it takes you to pay your “fine”, and then let it go. Release yourself. Buy yourself a new suit and a bus ticket and get on with your life.

14

D’oh! I was conflating two posts - I realize you didn’t kill anyone, only caused pain and suffering. Still, the above still applies.

15

Sounds to me like you’d make an excellent lawyer. Go ahead with it.

16

Guy, as the others have said, stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake. It was an accident. You say you weren’t punished, but you’ve been punishing yourself - forgive yourself and go to law school! You can’t change what happened before, but you can change you.

17

If you feel remorse over the accident, you are not a monster. If you felt no remorse, then you’d have a problem.

I don’t think you can just drop it and move on. It’s going to influence your life for years to come, possibly all the way to the end. But that is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are more responsible and more compassionate than you were, which seems to be the case, there’s good that’s come out of it. I certainly would advise against letting the guilt eat at you. People fuck up.

I think the military is a horrendous idea. If people getting hundreds of stitches because of your actions bothers you, running around with a gun is hardly a solution. Sure, it won’t be you who’s ultimately responsible. It’ll be a bunch of politicians waving their dicks around. But you’ll pay the price all over again if you kill some kid in a van because said van didn’t stop when you thought it should.

Be a lawyer. The legal system is a mess, but now and then, justice is done.

18

Swear off the sauce for life, get your diploma, & be a public defender, protecting the Innocent, for a year or two.

Don’t be a noodge.

19

You’ve received some really good advice here, but I can’t help feeling you really shouldn’t persue either of these career choices until you’ve taken a lesson in compassion.

Compassion for others is only half the lesson of compassion. Compassion for self is the more challenging half. By far.

I guess I fail to see how you can make a decent showing of either choice, until you can at least acknowledge both halves of the lesson.

Once you’ve learned this piece though, either path seems honourable.

20

Are you worried that, as a lawyer, you might be professionally required to help someone evade their deserved punishment for a crime (as you seem to feel that you did)? IANAL, but I’m pretty sure there are lawyers who don’t do that sort of thing.