Recently, a gentleman of my acquaintance has been getting me to revise my opinion on motherhood. As he pointed out, I’ve sorted out a lot of things which would have made me a lousy mother when I was in my 20s, if they even existed. However, I am aware that there are risks to both mother and child when a woman becomes pregnant for the first time when she’s over 40. I just don’t know specifically what those risks are. Does anyone out there have information on this? Links to reliable websites giving information on the risks would be greatly appreciated, as would as much hard data as possible (the gentleman’s an engineer). I’m also interested in anecdotes, though. I’ve still got some grave doubts about the whole issue (pun intended), but I’m willing to listen to both sides.
The only difficulty I see in having a child later is that, when your son/daughter is 20 and going to university, you’ll be sixty. My mother was 38 when she had me (which was quite later in those days). We had an excellent relationship however, relating to some things were difficult for both of us.
I miss her and wish she was still around to see my accomplishments. That’s another thing to think about.
One of my girlfriends had her first at 40. Her second is adopted.
The pregnancy went fine. The baby turned out fine.
The only problem she had was delivery. As you age, your birth canal looses some of its elasticity. She shreded it. Took three hours of surgery and a lot of blood to fix it.
Another girlfriend had her first at 38. Mother and baby fine.
I know a lot of “elderly” mothers from adoption boards. I wouldn’t let the “you’ll be 60” thing stop you - if what you really want is motherhood. You won’t be the only “mature” woman with a baby.
The risk of Downs Syndrome increases when the mother is over 35. The older the mother, the higher the risk. I had my youngest when I was 38, and I refused the amniocentesis, on the basis that I wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy even if there was a problem. Also, the doc told me that at 38, there was a two in 100 chance that the baby would have Downs. I told him I prefer to think of it as a 98 in 100 chance that the baby will not have Downs.
I did have a few complications I didn’t have when I was younger, for instance my blood pressure was higher, and I ended up on partial bedrest. But I was fine and so was the baby.
As far as not living to see your adult child’s accomplishments, well, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow, are we? My mother was only 32 when she had me, but still she died before I was 30. Also, my MIL was 43 when she had her youngest. He is now 41, and she’s still alive and well. Life expectancy just keeps growing.
IMHO, you should discuss the issue with your OB/GYN. And then follow your heart.
Yeah, talk to your doc. We had our first at 33 and the second at 37 and are beginning to plan for kid mark three now.
But here’s something to think about.
While you’re, perhaps, physically less capable of bearing a child at 40 than at 22 (or whatever)…economically you are almost certainly more capable of PAYING for the raising of a child at 40 than you were at 22. It balances out.
Not only that, but, as you mentioned, you’re more emotionally stable. Plus, I’ve noticed I’m more patient with my youngest one. Maybe I’m just too tired to get mad , but probably I’m altogether more laid back.
I watched my mother have 2 babies in her forties and decided that wasn’t for me. Had mine in my early 30’s then had my tubes tied. Pregnancy is a 20 year committment and I can’t imagine coping with a teenager and menopause simultaneously. But that’s just me.
Depends a lot on who you are. I’ve seen “older” mothers who love every minute of it. They have lots of energy and patience. On the other hand, I could not have coped with adolescents in my 50’s. Consider all the opinions expressed here and then examine your own heart and situation. More and more women are delaying motherhood so there are plenty of mature mothers of toddlers out there - you won’t be alone.
Well, for me, seeing as how early onset menopause runs in my family, I’d have had to have had my babies in my teens in order to avoid having teens and menopause at the same time! I’m in menopause now, with two teenagers and a preschooler!
But your point is definitely valid! Everyone is different. Everyone needs to make their own decisions.
Thanks for the advice so far, folks. I’m still really skeptical about this whole business, especially since I am adamantly against having kids outside of marriage, we’re talking a good couple of years here before a child is born and that’s if I get a marriage proposal tomorrow. The good news is I’m in excellent overall health, and most of my grandparents’ generation on both sides have lived past 80. The downside is I don’t have a doctor at the moment because in part of that excellent health and I won’t have health insurance for another couple of months. This is definitely a long-term project.
I’ll do a proper search when life finally slows down this weekend, but I could still use a link or two on the subject if one’s going. As I said, six months ago, this is something I hadn’t even considered.
My mom had me at 39, almost 25 years ago. (It’s my dad’s second marriage, and he had thought he was sterile. I can’t believe she fell for that line! ) She was scared to death of Downs syndrome - I think that must have been when a lot of scare-literature was coming out in the mommy magazines about maternal age and Downs. She had the amnio, and says my dad would have wanted to terminate if there had been anything wrong - I don’t know if she would have agreed or not. Of course now my dad is 73 and not in the best of health, although my mom is in excellent shape and kicks my ass at the gym.
My parnets were older than most at the time, and while we were close it wasn’t the “best friend” relationship that was fashionable then. They weren’t as young as the other parents, but I got to do a lot of things other kids my age didn’t - we traveled a lot, etc. It was interesting to note that when I went to smart-kid camps like TIP at Duke, most of the other kids had older parents too. Now whether that’s because they had more time to spend with their kids on reading and such, or more money to supplement their educations, or what, but it was definately a very noticeable trend.
If it’s what you want, I wouldn’t worry about the age. 38 25 years ago is probably no younger than whatever age you would be conceiving at now, and my mom was fine and I am healthy and happy.
, but probably I’m altogether more laid back.
) She was scared to death of Downs syndrome - I think that must have been when a lot of scare-literature was coming out in the mommy magazines about maternal age and Downs. She had the amnio, and says my dad would have wanted to terminate if there had been anything wrong - I don’t know if she would have agreed or not. Of course now my dad is 73 and not in the best of health, although my mom is in excellent shape and kicks my ass at the gym.