Recently my SO went to her gyno regarding a possible cyst on her ovaries. Nothing major, but the doc mentioned that if my SO wanted kids, sooner was better than later. She’s 27, and I’m 24. I’m not against kids but it’s not financially possible to have children right now.
So, how old is too old? I know the older you are when you have your first child, the higher the risk…but what are the possible problems?
I have tried google’ing and couldn’t find anything during a quick search at work.
She’s said she’d want kids in the next 3 years. I was looking at more like 5-7 years.
It is physically possible for women to conceive and bear their own children into their 40’s, and to be surrogates for other people’s kids well past that, provided there’s nothing wrong with the machinery. All else being equal, your wife would probably be fine waiting ten years to have a kid. Since you’ve got the warning from your doctor, the sooner the better.
I would guess waiting a year or three should be okay.
The page mentions a gradual decrease in fertility after age 30, as well as a rise in problems such as diabetes, hypertensive disorders, fibroids, bleeding and pregnancy complications. First-time mothers over 35 are likely to receive more diagnostic procedures during pregnancy, but the page suggests that this may say more about the attitudes of the medical profession than it does about the objective facts.
“Women of 35 and over are more likely to have induced labour, diagnosis of fetal distress, epidural anaesthesia, or forceps or ventouse delivery, and virtually all studies agree that the rate of caesareans rises with maternal age. However, this increase does not appear to be connected with any specific problem. There is a question mark over how much of this intervention is necessary, and how much is caused by a general perception that ‘older’ mothers are ‘high risk’.”
“It is also well known that older women run more risk of having a Down’s syndrome baby. The rate is 1 in 400 at the age of 35, and goes up to 1 in 109 at the age of 40. When a woman is 45 the risk is 1 in 32 ( compared with 1 in 1,500 at 25). There are other much rarer chromosomal abnormalities, such as Patau’s syndrome and Edward’s syndrome, which also increase in incidence with maternal age.”
The information relates to the UK, I would guess that the objective facts about risks to mothers and their babies are not likely to be very signficantly different in other developed countries. The protocols for management and treatment of pregnancies may of course be very different.
Overall, the impression is that there are measurable difference in relation to at least some matters which start at about age 30, but that these would not normally be signficant in relation to the management of the pregnancy until about age 35.
All the machinery is working just fine on both sides (I assume).
The doctor didn’t elaborate on why sooner was better, which is why I’m looking for info. (The doctor in question actually her mother’s gyno, and it was just something the doctor just mentioned to her).
At first I thought it had something to do with the cyst (which may need surgical removal) but after looking at plenty of info about cysts online, I don’t think it’s related.
We are certainly going to ask the doc why he thinks she should have kids fairly soon, I wanted to know if there was any medical issues we should be aware of.
My wife was 36 and 38 when we had our two children. The risks do increase but it’s not like you’re playing Russian Roulette. Doctors’ attitudes vary widely on this and it may just be that your mother-in-law’s doctor is old fashioned and conservative. The main difference with my wife’s pregnancies was that the doctor recommended amniocentesis (sp?). Both children were C-sections for two different reasons, but I don’t think that had anything to do with my wife’s age.
if the cyst needs removal it could imapir the function of that ovary.
if the ovary is completely knocked out it cuts her fertility by 50% right there.
as fertility declines very rapidly after 30 anyway, if she does lose the ovarian funtion and waits until after 35 to try and get pregnant her chances of succeeding are greatly reduced.
i assume the doc was saying “try now while you still can”, rather than “it’s more dangerous later on.”
It don’t know for sure Irishgirl. The doctor wasn’t the one who did the sonogram so I think it was advice more than anything.
We’re getting a referal to see a specialist at the hospital where her brother works as a RN. Hopefully we’ll know more. I had heard of the Down’s syndrome issue but I believe it’s possible to test for that early in the pregnancy.
testing for Downs is not highly accurate. The testing also comes with a risk of miscarriage (.5%). And it is usually done later than you’d like - not first trimester, usually, unless you go for CV sampling. There’s a new test (FIRSST, I think), that is about 80% accurate, if it pans out (in clinical trials, still), and is less invasive (U/S combined with AFP bloodtest), but still gets you your results later than most would prefer.
Fertility is really the big issue these days - you don’t realize how much it sucks to want to have your (genetic) child and not be able to until you try it. I’ve got two friends and one brother who have given up or are actively struggling with infertility probs. One had secondary infertility (had one kid okay, but then can’t have another - unexplained - they can’t find a reason) before 30 yrs old. Another is 37, and also has unexplained secondary infertility. The third is in her early 30s and has primary infertility (no first child), also reason unknown. Between two and six years of trying, testing, injecting, etc. Sucks.
The only priority at this point (IMHO) is that you are comfortable with the risk of infertility and increased risk of chromosome damage if you wait. Become informed on that, as many people have been told, sure, the risk of infertility goes up after 35, but loads of people have kids later. It tends to make one think it can’t happen to YOU. But it does, to lots of people. If you aren’t fooling yourself about your odds, then it won’t be a shock if it happens and you struggle to have kids if you decide you want them. Miserable, maybe, but the shock of the news is often the hard part to cope with- if you thought you had plenty of time… Note that some of the issue are moderated by your relative youth (the male age aspect does have an impact, too).
And there is seldom a perfect time to have kids - worse times, better times, but seldom just the right time. You may have to juggle odds vs. finances, as we did. I wanted to have my first by 30, due to those odds issues. Finances weren’t ready. Ended up starting a year later, when finances were ‘almost’ in line. Good enough, didn’t have to be perfect.
if you both want to have kids, then the difference between waiting 3 and 5 years really isn’t that much.
and if her fertility IS compromised it could take as long as 2 years to conceive once you ACTIVELY start trying.
the problem with waiting and seeing is that you have to have been unsuccessful for 2 years before you’re considered infertile, and acceptable candiates for treatment. not only fertility, but the success of fertility treatments declines with age.
if you wait for 7 years before you start, and another 2 before you know you have a problem, it could be too late for any real chance of success.
i’m sorry if this is sounding really doom-and-gloom, but there you go.
You might want to ask your wife why she would want kids in the next three years. Her problem might not be with just the possibility of infertility, but also wanting to experience motherhood at an earlier stage in life. Its always possible to have kids well into your 40’s, if everything is working right, but some people would not want to have a newborn when they are 45. 5-7 years is not that bad however. Being between 30-34 should not have any negative effects. Also at that age you can enjoy being in your older years, Also look at her genetic background, for example see if she has a family history of something that occurs often at a certain time. For example if her family has a past history of caner or other diseases at 50 that could be a reason as well.
In general, it is better for a woman to have children in her 20’s than her 30’s, and her 30’s rather than her 40’s. As a general rule.
Be aware - fertility DOES drop off after age 30 for women. Don’t kid yourself. There are a LOT of women who put off childbearing to 35 and found out they waited too long.
An ovarian cyst will not necessarialy cause problems later on… but you already know there’s something a little off about that one ovary.
Also, male fertility declines with age, too, though not as rapidly.
If you both seriously want kids, try to start no later than your wife being 30. Even if the finances aren’t perfect.
